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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be fuming at these comments re me not working?

113 replies

halveit · 02/08/2013 16:04

I went out on our annual end of term mums' night out last night. Lovely evening as usual - food, wine, pub garden.
But why do done people insist on judging - telling me I should be working now the kids are at school? I don't want to work - I didn't ever see the rationale of paying someone to look after my kids when I can do an adequate job for free. It always seemed nonsense to me for me to go out to earn money to pay that money over for someone to watch my kids.
I know its an old chestnut, and yes I've name changed (think one of the other mummies is on here), but why should I be spoken to with snide comments about my life choices?

OP posts:

LimitedEditionLady · 02/08/2013 20:50

Please feel free to shout at me about what I just posted.If people are mad about claiming money to be a SAHM are they mad at me too?maybe you should be.

SquinkiesRule · 02/08/2013 21:38

I'm not judgy about WOHM's I was one with both my older two, I went back at 6 weeks with the first and 18 months with the second. I will be a WOHM again I hope within the next 6 months to a year, so won't be home forever, even though I enjoy it and find it very worthwhile.
It isn't however valued like it was in many years past which is a shame.
The OP's friends were rude, she felt like they were having a dig, then chances are they were.
This is my first time with Dd staying home past 18 months. I'm a nurse, I could work, and have her do the after school program and summer program and Dh could do pick up, we decided not to do it, we have enough money coming in not to need me to work and not to need to claim anything with me home. It's just the way it is
I can only give my opinion on how it seems to be working where I am and with the people I know.
All but a few of our volunteers are at home parents (men too, not just women) We, as in me and a few other at home parents are on others call list for emergencies willingly.
None of our kids are in the summer program at the school space is limited and priority is given to children with parents who work and need the childcare. My Dd begged to join it as they have a lot of fun theme days.
Nice that some can share 50/50 that is pretty ideal if that had been available to us we would probably have gone with that option, but Dh's job is inflexible as to hours of getting in and leaving, and they change his shift every 6 months so his days off would change.

oldham70 · 02/08/2013 21:38

Not read the whole thread. Just couldn't get past the 'you are not a sahm you are unemployed comment. And unless a working mum only works term time school hours than yes op does spend more time with her dc than a working mum.
Not that being a working mum is any more or less important.
We all do the best we can . I jusy wish the sniping would stop.

LimitedEditionLady · 02/08/2013 21:51

I work two days and i spend the other five with my child and i get comments from my boss and co workers that im doing nothing when im not at work and being at home is easy,why cant i do such an amount of extra.Apparently being on maternity is like a holiday?It makes me annoyed but i dont bite.you cant please everyone so please yourself.

BrianTheMole · 02/08/2013 21:57

I work, I've never missed a school play or an assembly. And I've always picked them up if they were sick, I've never asked someone else to do that. It makes no difference to my children if I work, as I am still there for them. And when I was a sahm my brain did turn to mush, I didn't realise quite how much until I started back again. But thats how it was for me, no need for snidey comments about working parents not being there for their children, everyones circumstances are different.

DumSpiroSpero · 02/08/2013 22:05

Just because someone spends more time with their child/ren it doesn't automatically make them a better parent (not implying that about OP, just generalizing BTW).

Just because a mum works outside the home, it doesn't automatically make them a career obsessed uber bitch with no concern for their kids.

I am not the only one of my friends to have sacrificed a career for an OK part-time job that works around our childrens' schooling. We've compromised/retrained in order to both work and be there for our families which makes it doubly frustrating to be on the receiving end of smug 'I'm there for my children' type comments.

ShellyBoobs · 02/08/2013 22:12

But why do done people insist on judging - telling me I should be working now the kids are at school? I don't want to work...

I think a lot of people can relate to that.

I think if you said to most people, would you prefer to work or stay at home, most would go for the latter.

The fact is though, it usually comes down to a choice between earning money or taking handouts from the state.

pommedechocolat · 02/08/2013 22:30

Really Shelley? I would chose work every time. Staying at home is awful, feels like being ill all the time.

HollyBerryBush · 02/08/2013 22:32

I hated being at home

Bowlersarm · 02/08/2013 22:36

at pomme 'staying at home is awful'

I had to stop work after ds2 was born as it wasn't financially viable after that for me to work re the childcare costs.

I would have loved to work, but had to stay at home instead. It's not always the easy ride people think it is.

LimitedEditionLady · 02/08/2013 22:48

I like my days at home a lot but for a period of time I felt isolated,not so much now child can talk and we can do more activities as child is older.It was hard going from a job full time that i had done for years where I had lots of friends and had adult contact to being at home a lot with sometimes a whole week going by and the only adult I spoke to was OH.Its a big change but I dont regret it.

noblegiraffe · 02/08/2013 22:52

I wouldn't choose to stay at home, it's quite isolating and I miss adult company (currently on maternity leave). Of course you can go to groups and do stuff to get that company, but that requires you to organise it, whereas at work it's handed to you on a plate. I'm essentially too lazy and socially inept to make a good job of staying at home and not wasting my life.

LimitedEditionLady · 02/08/2013 23:07

I tried the going to groups thing noble but didnt work out for me.Now my child can talk I dont feel as lonely now because theres talking all day and child talking leads to others talking to you and you get talking to people in the park etc when the kids play together.I did used to look at parents who have got pals to go to the park etc longingly sometimes but I dont mind anymore.Tbh its improved my confidence!

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