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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should stay with a lost child?

140 replies

NarkyNamechanger · 02/08/2013 13:27

So yesterday I took the DC to a local lake/woodland area for a walk. They took bikes and scooters and we've been lots of times always sticking to the man made path around the lake/trees. They go ahead but never too far or out of sight or off the path.

About half way round ds2 scoots ahead and stops outside the playground and cafe area where we were stopping for lunch. He turned around and because this bit is much busier, he couldn't see me. I could see him in the distance but he panicked and started crying.

I saw a lady walking her dog approach him and after about 10 seconds she carried on. I sped up and got to him. I asked him what the dog walker had said' which was to ask him why he was crying, ds2 had said he couldn't see his mum and she'd just said 'oh I'm sure she'll be along in a minute'. Granted I was and he was fine but still... Shouldn't you stay and comfort a lost child?

AIPSB?

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 02/08/2013 15:36

Glad my inappropriate tampon insertion has provided light relief. Other wise I'd have to pull out (of) the thread

cushtie335 · 02/08/2013 15:36

thebody glad someone else's dc did this! She used to do it when she was bored, hence Asda. Worst one was in an Aquarium in Portugal. She didn't factor in the lack of English speaking staff at the Customer Service Desk and that put the wind up her a bit! Getting the wrist strap put paid to her "antics" until she was old enough to realise it was totally out of order.

SirChenjin · 02/08/2013 15:37

I've always told my children to stay where they are, that I will eventually find them, not to let an adult take them anywhere as that adult could be playing a trick on them but instead ask the adult to call the police.

I'm a bit worried that a lot of you seem to be saying that you would move the child, albeit to a place of safety. Gosh, I don't know what to say to them now Sad

LingDiLong · 02/08/2013 15:44

I guess the problem Sir Chenjin is how long do you stay there before you accept you need to do something a bit more proactive? In the situation the OP describes I'd probably be there with between 3 and 6 children, some of whom are small and would be trying to run off themselves. I wouldn't be able to wait there indefinitely. If I had another adult with me, I'd probably send them to get a member of staff.

Justforlaughs · 02/08/2013 15:55

I would always stay with the child, but I can think of lots of reasons why this lady wouldn't. Apart from anything else, he was outside a cafe. She may well have thought that he was safe there, and although his mum would doubtless be along shortly, if she wasn't then then the people in the cafe would look after him.

I remember being on Weymouth beach a few years ago, now and finding a toddler (about 2yo) crying at the waterside. He couldn't see his parents, so I made a big show of asking everyone in the area and then sitting him on my shoulders, again making a real show of looking for his parents. It took about 15 minutes to find his rather frantic parents, who were no-where near where I had found him, he must have wandered quite a long way on his own. They seemed very grateful.

On the other hand, I remember when DS2 was small (3ish), leaving him looking at kids videos and walking round the other side of the display. Next minute he was screaming the place down "MUMMY". I went round and there was a lady holding his hand. She gave me a glare and said (quite aggressively) "is he your little boy, do you realise I could have walked out of the store with him?" My answer was "not making that noise you wouldn't", to this day I have no idea whether she tried, or whether her intentions were honourable.

ineedtogetoutmore · 02/08/2013 15:55

I would have stayed and if I couldnt for any reason I would have taken him to the staff in the cafe area and asked staff to contact park rangers / police.

In saying that I once found a lost child in a shopping center he was hysterical I couldn't find his family so decided to take him to security (he was about 2 years old) I tried to hold his hand and he freaked so I tried directing him to the security office pretty much likesa sheep dog would with a sheep except I was trying to juggle a pram and toddler on reins at the same time too but he was screaming his head off. I'm sure i either looked like a terrible mother or a bloody kidnapper after very quickly realising this was not going to work I took him in the nearest shop and dumped him with a sales assistant.it was bloody.embarrassing!

QuintessentiallyOhDear · 02/08/2013 15:59

Hopefully your child has now learnt that if he scoots ahead, he will lose sight of you, till next time.

ineedtogetoutmore · 02/08/2013 16:01

Meant to add I would usual stay in the same place but this kid wouldn't stay put and kept wondering near the door. I don't know how long he had been crying and looking lost for though everyone else was just bloody staring at him like he had two heads when he was quote obviously distressed and lost

Brodicea · 02/08/2013 16:05

My mum once tried to help a lost child (just bent down and asked him if he was lost) and the mum charged up and had a HUGE go at her as if she was a child-snatcher. I am a bit wary of approaching other peoples kids because of this.
Plus bear in mind you were right next to a playground, so she would presume you were nearby.

Caboodle · 02/08/2013 16:45

I would have stayed with your DC and only after a longish wait would've taken DC to staff; but eventually I would have moved DC and, I suppose, passed on the responsibility. Not sure if I am in the right or wrong about this though. However, 'are you ok...no....bye then' is a teeny bit odd.

SirChenjin · 02/08/2013 17:17

I know - it can be difficult to know how long to wait with a child, as it would be impossible to wait for hours. I'll have to rethink my advice to the DCs Smile

somewhereaclockisticking · 02/08/2013 17:24

I would have stayed to make sure you were along in a minute because I am completely paranoid about people who are out just looking for possible "opportunities" - but I can understand that some people may not want to stay with a child alone in case their actions are seen as suspicious - it's a difficult situation. You don't want to appear to be interfering because some mothers don't take too kindly to you hovering around their child when their child is in their sight (even if said child is crying because they can't see mum) but then when I thnk of Jamie Bulger and the amount of people who saw him crying and just let him walk on with those 2 boys (of course their story sounded plausible - I'm his older brother....)

Justforlaughs · 03/08/2013 09:23

SirChenjin how old are your DCs, I've written my mobile number on my 4yo's hand if I am in a big, busy park/ beach and think that there is a possibility that she might wander off. Not that I don't watch her, but it's just a precaution.

Greydog · 03/08/2013 09:34

I found a liitle girl one night on a car park in a shopping mall. DH was so glad I was with him as he said he wouldn't have approached her. We took her to the first shop, (i was scared she be knocked over) they called security, who, when they arrived didn't speak English. I refused to let her go with them, but went along as well. Mum turned up, took her and left. Nothing else. It upset me for ages as anything could have happened to her, and I thought what a workd we live in when adults are too afraid to help. I expect the lady with the dog was concerned her actiosn would be seen as suspicious, and especially if you're male

Turniptwirl · 03/08/2013 11:18

I would have spoken to him and if I couldn't see a parent after a few minutes would've taken him to the cafe staff.

I think asking if he's ok then walking off is a bit odd tbh, I think most people would either observe from a distance, alert the cafe staff or just plain ignore him if they weren't intending to stay with him

MidniteScribbler · 03/08/2013 11:22

I wouldn't have walked away from a lost child, although if I were in a genuine rush and there was a 'safe' option - police, shopping centre management, security guard, store/restaurant then I may hand the child over to them. They would likely have better resources for tracking down a lost parent than me anyway.

Mimishimi · 03/08/2013 11:38

YABU because she probably did see you in the distance and knew you would be coming along in a moment. I have stayed with lost children but if I could see someone who most likely was their mum in the distance, I might leave them too like she did.

Jan49 · 03/08/2013 12:17

I would hesitate to speak to a child because I think a parent would probably come along and criticise me for talking to their child or tell me their child was fine and I was interfering.

The only times I've ever helped a child in trouble, the parent has then arrived and completely ignored me, never thanked me or shown that they cared or were concerned for their child. If the child is older than a toddler, I'd assume the parents were happy with him/her to be out alone because some parents are. So I'd be very hesitant to speak to a child who looked about 7. As you say the woman had a dog, maybe she felt unable to stay with a child in case the dog frightened him or a parent said "how dare you go near my child with your dog!"

mirry2 · 03/08/2013 12:54

I don't understand why people would be more concerned about the possibility of negative reaction from the mother than helping a child. What's a few cross words?

SoupDragon · 03/08/2013 12:56

I would be annoyed at myself for letting him get where he couldn't see me and at him for going out of sight and panicking, given his age.

PresidentServalan · 03/08/2013 13:17

A friend of mine saw a lost child, kept an eye on her from a distance - after about 10 mins he approached her and asked if she was okay - the mother appeared and went mad at him. So no, even as a woman I don't think I would get involved.

LoveSewingBee · 03/08/2013 13:25

Not read the whole thread.
I would have stayed. However, parents can get very aggressive if you stay with/talk to their lost child.

Recently I walked with my family on the beach. I saw a little girl wandering around very close to the surf. I watched her and she then followed a little boy. A father appeared and grabbed the little boy. I asked if the little girl was with him, he said no and left with the boy. The girl was crying by now. I asked whether she could see her father/mother anywhere. We then started walking back where there are some beach establishments, often stopping to look around for her parents. Finally a very angry woman approached, who turned out to be the mother. This girl was probably about 1.5 to 2 years (still in nappy, not talking yet), very close to the surf, the mother was extremely angry with me.

So I do understand that not all people would be willing to help.

Gruntfuttock · 03/08/2013 13:28

What did she say LoveSewingBee?

LoveSewingBee · 03/08/2013 13:37

That I should leave her child alone and she would report me to police (mind you, no police in sight otherwise I would obviously have handed the girl to the police).

I told her we had been looking for her and was pleased we found her. She was virtually spitting at me out of anger. She said she had the child in her sight all the time, hard to believe imo plus the child was way way to close to the surf, she could easily have been dragged away by the sea.

Gruntfuttock · 03/08/2013 13:52

God, what a vile woman. So she could see her toddler not only dangerously near the water but also crying, could she? Hmmmm. I would have been shaking with anger in your place, being met with such aggression for caring about the safety of her tiny child.