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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

553 replies

lineup · 30/07/2013 19:38

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

OP posts:
CaptainJamesTKirk · 30/07/2013 22:32

Are you now saying DH forgot because he's busy? And wasn't being malicious?! And yet you still demand he phone her now and cancel when she has probably made plans. I'm flabbergasted!

MikeOxard · 30/07/2013 22:33

Some of these posters are so deluded I suspect the OPs MIL is on here. It's not about whether or not she should be happy for the ILs to stay - the issue here is the dh arranging lending their house out behind the dw's back when he knew she wouldn't agree, then refusing to un-lend it when she confirmed she was not ok with it.

If you think this is a happy marriage I feel sorry for you - what the hell are your dh's up to if you think this is acceptable behaviour? I would look at my dh very, very differently if he'd done this to me.

Original poster
lineup · 30/07/2013 22:33

it's either phone them or spend the next 5 hrs cleaning every nook and cranny

OP posts:
LadyMilfordHaven · 30/07/2013 22:34

I'm on team Remus. Says more about op than in laws. How emasculating for the h too

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/07/2013 22:34

Are you his mother? You're making him clean every nook and cranny, because you say so? I'm flabbergasted tbh. You are blackmailing him.

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 30/07/2013 22:35

I think the MIL is a MN'er and, having read this thread, is not going to pick up the phone Grin

LadyMilfordHaven · 30/07/2013 22:35

Oh FFS op. just say "you're welcome to come but don't expect it to be spotless"

JackNoneReacher · 30/07/2013 22:35

We've had people staying when we've been away.

But having someone I didn't trust, for three weeks, at one days notice, after a unilateral decision from dh would be unthinkable.

YANBU.

QOD · 30/07/2013 22:35

Oh dear, I wouldn't be too bothered with prior knowledge but wouldn't want them in my actual bed

Original poster
lineup · 30/07/2013 22:35

it's about privacy basically

OP posts:
LadyMilfordHaven · 30/07/2013 22:36

SHE'S GOT A TORTURE CELLAR OF DILDOS

angeltulips · 30/07/2013 22:36

Headfirst - um, yes really. Why would I care if someone stayed in a house that I was not actually going to be present in for the duration of the stay? Bit OTT to say it's been "planned behind your back" - I'd expect DH to mention it to me at some point, but it'd be neither here nor there if it was 100, 10 or 1 day before we left - or indeed when we were already on holiday.

And lineup, you care about someone, to whom you are related, seeing the "mess of my spice cupboard"? Are you for real?

I think you need to chill the fuck out.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/07/2013 22:36

I get it too, but in my case it's my DM who is snoopy and judgey and lacking in boundaries, and DMIL who is just about perfect (I tease her she's Practically Perfect in Every Way, just like Mary Poppins).

Mum would be in and out of every cupboard and drawer, judging not only their contents but how neat and tidy I keep things. Whether I mend DD's clothes (nope) and darn socks. Why I don't have a properly stocked spice rack or sewing basket. Why my bins (indoor and outdoor) have not been steam-cleaned. Why I am on certain medication I haven't told her about. Why none of our cleaning rags consist of old t-shirts of DH's lovingly recycled and cut into strips. My curtains are grubby. My garden needs trimming back. Ad fucking nauseum. It would just give her faaaaar to much ammunition and ALL of the above would be splashed about amongst family and friends.

And breathe....

P.S. I love my mum dearly Smile

LadyMilfordHaven · 30/07/2013 22:37

Just hide your love eggs.

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 30/07/2013 22:37

I think this is a case of the ops house is embarrassingly dirty! There could be no other explanation for this drama imo.

FunLovinBunster · 30/07/2013 22:37

Emasculating for the H??
H has behaved like a child like eunuch. His DM is the source of his emasculation, NOT OP.

LaundryLegoLunch · 30/07/2013 22:37

Bugsy I agree - the "I'm 9 weeks pregnant and hormonal" and therefore all my demands must be met is bizarre. And the anti-MIL obsession appears on mumsnet again. I hope you don't have sons OP as one day you could be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.

mess of my cup cupboard/spice cupboard Confused

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/07/2013 22:37

Snort. I want a torture chamber too!

Original poster
lineup · 30/07/2013 22:37

he's telling them now

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 30/07/2013 22:37

This thread reminds me of the a time when my sister and her then BF (now DH) went on holiday. They rented the house with white goods and the washer was crap so while they were away Ma decided to help by clearing their washing basket. She did it all, washed, ironed and folded.

When Dsis got back from hols she was thrilled to find all the washing done and put away except for a little pile of Dis's underwear, which was on the bed next to her underwear drawer. As Dsis opened the drawer to put it away she say her vibrator taking pride of place! Clearly Ma had opened the drawer, seen it, shut the drawer and put the undies on the bed as if she hadnt seen it. Except that by doing that, she made it clear that she had! Ma feeds the animals, waters the plants and leaves now!

lechatnoir · 30/07/2013 22:38

I'd be mighty pissed off if my DH offered our home to anyone without consulting me first but having in-laws to stay whilst we go away is exactly what we do every summer for 2 weeks & it's bloody brilliant. It is a holiday to them as they come from small town flat to house with garden in a pretty village and we come home to happy fed cats, clean house, lawn mowed & food in the fridge & get to see then for a couple of days before we go rather than the usual week-long stays we have to endure at other time Shock. I'm very much of the view that if they want to rifle through our bank statements or play hunt the sex toys then that's their issue & I'm none the wiser so couldn't care less!

Original poster
lineup · 30/07/2013 22:38

it would be as HeartsTrumpsDiamonds just described. exactly that.

OP posts:
GetStuffezd · 30/07/2013 22:38

Another one here who would absolutely HATE this. It would ruin the holiday for me. Couldn't care less if that makes me seem pathetic about my few possessions, it's about privacy. Hope you get through, OP.

SwedishHouseMat · 30/07/2013 22:39

It is YOUR home OP. If you don't want anyone to stay then that is your choice. You don't have to defend your position or justify yourself on this thread.

Mrchip · 30/07/2013 22:40

It wouldn't have been as bad with a weeks notice to get house sorted (what it would take me with small children) and DH doing at least half the sorting.

Would still be okay if DH stays up till house is in 'guest state'

I think it's like going on a surprise date in clothes you wore to work, unshaved legs, slightly greasy hair etc. Not the
end of the world but not what you would want.