AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

[lineup]

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

Er yes but the OP posted in aibu?

For those who say it was a set up have not read the op posts.

lineup 5 hrs cleaning if you want any semblance of a relationship with mil. Regardless of whose fault you see it is you will be blamed. your mil will now not have 'her holiday' in her shoes i would be v upset as i am sure you would.

No winners here you can only move forward put you point across and make sure dh knows how you feel so no mistakes in the future.

This is a fascinating thread. I had no idea people were so territorial. All this stuff about "my special nest" is completely alien to me.

I'd love to know if there's a correlation between feeling like this and being a SAHM. Has it got to do with the house being your domain?

I'm not sure it is about privacy OP. You seem hell bent on picking a fight and spoiling your family holiday.

He forgot, you've said he forgot, he works hard and is busy. It's his parents and he wants to welcome them into his home while you're away. Yet you are being manipulative and vindictive. Really OP I'm feeling sorry for your DH, IMO you are coming off very badly. And I think you need to look at your own behaviour not just your DHs. Even if he did not forgot but didn't tell you because he knew you'd react this way, it was a mistake on his part, blame him, argue with him, but be the grown up and do not fight over something do trivial and spoil your hard earned holiday.

yes thanks Swedish & Getstuffed - my privacy is everything to me, my house is not embarrasssingly dirty, just messy at the moment with school hols and young children, and not up to the scrupulous standards MIL has. I would feel judged on trivial things such as the spice cupboard yes! it is bizarre but i am entitled to choose who stays here

DH is not emasculated, has apologised for arranging it and is sure MIL wont mind and will rearrange another date to visit when DCs are here

Teatimesthree. There are loads of women in here who won't even answer their front door if they aren't expecting someone. They don't do spontaneous.

I would not be going either, it would drive me mad to come home and find things moved or put away, I would go completely mad at the thought of this!!

Enjoy your hol OP.

My mil had a key so she could oversee some decorating that was going on in dd's bedroom and the upstairs landing and hallway while we were away on holiday. I had packed in a bit of a mad frenzy (our three dc were very young at the time) and had left some new bras on our bed that I'd tried on and decided not to keep but hadn't had time to put back in the boxes.

I'd firmly shut the bedroom door to avoid any mess from the decorators.

Came home from our two week holiday to find the bedroom all tidied up, with the bras put back in the boxes and piled up on my drawers. I was so fucking pissed off. There was absolutely no need for her to go in our bedroom. What person in their right mind goes into someone's bedroom and fiddles about with their underwear FFS? Talk about making it obvious you've been snooping, I don't care if she thought she was being helpful, it's just overstepping boundaries.

She also massively irritates me by making a beeline for any Valentine's or anniversary cards that DH and I have given each other in order to read the messages inside. Now, would you do that, or would you think No, those messages inside are for the couple in question even if the cards are on display on the mantelpiece?

She's very nice in other ways so I keep schtum to avoid bad feeling. I think cocolepew's MIL takes the prize for behaviour.

Hope you get sorted OP.

CaptainJamesTKirk I agree with everything you have said.

Totally agree with TheCaptain.

Well, yes, we are only hearing her opinion.

But unless we assume she's making it all up I think we have to accept her opinion that her MIL is snoopy as the truth.

If the OP is giving us the full story, I'm not surprised that she isn't happy with MIL or DH.

It's not the sort of thing that slips your mind, that you've agreed for someone else, anyone else, to come and spend three weeks in your house while you aren't there.

So either we assume that OP is being super-controlling and unreasonable by not wanting this to happen, and her DH knows that OP is like that so kept it from her until the last minute in the hope of forcing the situation without having to stand up to his controlling wife.

Or we assume that OP is telling the truth, MIL somehow managed to manipulate this situation behind the OP's back, given that OP has said MIL is sneaky and sly as well as snoopy, and DH has kept this from OP because he knows what his mother is like, knows OP would be justifiably upset, and kept it from her in the hope of forcing the situation without having to say no to his sneaky mother.

OP does say that MIL asked to come and stay for three weeks, not that she was invited.

teatimesthree I was a SAHM, now a fairly houseproud SAHW and nope this wouldn't bother me at all. Any of it. We have even house swapped with strangers for holidays. I understand that I feel differently to OP about this but I totally don't get it either.

thanks Iwaswatchingthat. Mind is somewhat at ease knowing no snooping in drawers etc while we're away

OP but if everyone knows she is like that no attention be paid to what she says.

Shame you don't like her.

Wish I had a MIL to be nosey and sneeky

I have only surfed through the pages and not read all so maybe this has been asked and answered already.

Op, what makes your mil snoopy?

Fair enough that the OP doesn't want her housekeeping to be 'judged' by her MIL. However, she must realise that her MIL will now be judging her for 'banning' her from her sons house. The OP has now given the MIL some fantastic material to gossip about. You can just imagine her telling all and sundry about the late night phone call from her son.

she will in conversation comment on exact details of her friends homes, what curtains they have, whether they have a dishwasher and use it or not, what brand of softener they use...it goes on and on. then judgement calls on friends of hers who have pedicures, why they would have such a luxury etc etc

it's just quite intense and she notices everything. and comments on it behind their backs.

that's all

ERmmm.....WIBU to ask where the OP is going for a three week holiay?

Just curious!

or even holiday!

frankly Goooood, my privacy and peace of mind is worth more than gold to me, so if it deosnt go down well, then so be it. I can take it.

Lots of x posts there.

I think my point is, having anyone come to stay for that length of time is something that you both have to be happy with, and the OP wasn't given the opportunity to discuss it even.

Op. After that question answered it sounds like 'conversation' to me not snooping.
in which case YABU.

conversation involving divulging the secrets of her friends or comments ridiculing their outfits?

conversation? I would call that slander to be honest

Well how dare she show any interest in fabric conditioner etc? Awful woman, I'm not surprised she's not welcome.