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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 30/07/2013 00:59

thornrose, I see your point about the not being able to get through a weekly shop and sooty, your point about instant gratification, but sometimes things happen to delay life, yet the rest of life still has it's schedule ie picking older DC up from school, so the obvious option is to graze on the run?

We certainly don't make a habit of it, much though the DC would like it to be, but if needs must, then we will. That is what the OP appears to have done here and I think people are being defensive because they feel they are being accused of being thieves, when they have every intention of paying. I know I'm not a thief (well apart from the time I got back to the car with a screaming two week old DS and realised something had slipped underneath his car seat

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 01:02

thorn - to me that depends on the child's age (talking about healthy children here).

I would not feed a school aged child in a shop. they would have to wait.

but yes, I will absolutely shove something in my 3-yearold's mouth coz I can't bear the whining. he's hungry, I'm stressed - no point prolonging the misery.

and yes, my example might be different to you, but we were always pestering mum too....

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 01:02

*3-year-old's

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 01:04

Oh yes, I can see that the OP acted in an emergency. I can see what you're saying too DAISY

I'm more concerned about the idea that this form of placating is acceptable as routine. You can see the results of it as children grow older and the ones who go to school and expect their needs to be met now

thornrose · 30/07/2013 01:08

This is the most civilised thread on this topic I've ever seen, I usually steer well clear Grin

ShellyBoobs · 30/07/2013 01:09

I'm still chuckling to myself about the indignation of those saying they'd demand an apology from the manager, etc, etc.

And the one who said 'name and shame' Grin

Name and shame a shop because they asked for proof that an item which had been consumed had actually been paid for? Only shame shame to be had here is by people who think it's ok to take and consume whatever they like without paying for it first.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure it's why there are so many massively fat children around - parents who indulge their every whim for food.

Instant gratification and the easy option to keep them quiet, at the expense of their health.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 01:11

You know who is to blame the supermarkets. Introduce a stringent law and solved the majority of the shoppers won't want to be done for theft or a small fine.

It's true when I was around 14 i never heard of ppl eating in supermarkets without paying. This takes self service to a whole new level, its self service buffet lol then again i never saw teens coming into the supermarket with pjs and slippers on..yes I saw it twice. Suffice to say i dont go to thar supermarket anymore . Security should have stopped them on dress code. "Sorry ladies you need day clothes to enter anything casual will do."

before i get attacked i do sympathise with parents especially those with special needs, but adults no way there's no justification!

thornrose · 30/07/2013 01:13

I was genuinely surprised when I had my dd that people offered her food to "shut her up". They dressed it up but that was basically what was happening.

ddubsgirl · 30/07/2013 01:16

Checkout staff may act as tho its normal to see half eaten packs of stuff but trust me you lot are spoken about Wink and moaned about! You may it doesn't effect anyone but it does long term sales go down which means hours are cut for those working day & night and its you the buyer that then moans when not enough checkouts are open and have to queue for ages because workers have been sent home

LackaDAISYcal · 30/07/2013 01:18

so far, thornrose, so far...

there's time yet Grin

My DS2 is made to wait on a daily basis, yet at almost five has still not learnt this and constantly demands instant gratification . He is probably a PITA at school Blush

thornrose · 30/07/2013 01:21

Yes but you try DAISY that's the major difference.

LackaDAISYcal · 30/07/2013 01:22

The right thing to do is go to the deli counter and graze freely on the samples surely? One of our local supermarkets used to do little bacon and sausage butties on a Saturday morning, then with all the cheese etc on sticks, the kids didn't need lunch by the time DH had done the shopping Grin

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2013 01:26

there are such things as making mistakes or being forgetful or being disorganized, you know! or have you never been caught out and needed a quick -albeit imperfect- solution?
you might think you are perfect, but I'm not, nor do I strive to be.

Most on this thread that think the practice of eating before paying is ok aren't forgetful or disorganised, they think it's ok, so they don't bother taking anything, or go to pay first. They just take and eat and (hopefully) pay later.

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 01:31

Ddubsgirl can you explain/breakdown to me how eating something and then paying for it directly causes long term sales to go down. Im not seeing the connection?

ddubsgirl · 30/07/2013 01:48

Not so bad if you pay for it but many don't :( this is often found when rumbling stock and finding empty packets even found empty pregnancy test box :( people see others 'grazing' so think its ok to do it too as a medical reason fair enough but many do it just because they can and we can't say anything to them

northlight · 30/07/2013 01:56

I don't do this but I think so long as you do not have the intent to 'permanently deprive' the business of their goods or revenue then it's not theft. Surely this is why the security people have to wait for you to leave, or be on the point of leaving, the premises before approaching you.

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 01:57

But if you don't pay for it then that is theft. Its not the eating thats the problem, its the not paying for it part. So its a bit misleading to say that grazing causes any problems, as it doesn't, its the not paying (thereby stealing) act that causes problems.

So by saying not so bad if you pay for it, what you actually mean? That even by paying for it, there is still some negative effect on long term sales but its not as bad?

ddubsgirl · 30/07/2013 02:04

Most places your not to eat the goods but can't class it as theft unless you walk out without paying but it's the knock on effect it has others see you doing it so they do too and then don't bother to pay chances of getting caught isn't very high esp on a busy day and the waste that's found from half eaten items left laying about

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 02:19

please please can we agree that there's a huge difference between a small child munching on something or an adult scoffing down pre-cooked chicken drumsticks and washing it down with a can of cola?

a lot of posters seem to be posting about adult behaviour - which is fine - but the OP was about a small(-ish) child.
just not the same

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 02:36

This happened to me just last week.

DD saw me pick up a few sachets of that puréed fruit stuff and wanted it immediately. I wasn't expecting her to be hungry as we had just had dinner but that's children for you.

She started crying and was obviously still hungry so I gave one to her. She finished it in no time and wanted another so I gave her that one too. She finished both by the time we got to the tills and I did see some staff members watching me but if they stopped me I was prepared to explain and pay immediately. However despite looking at what I was doing, no fuss was made.

It is not the first time I have done this and it will not be the last. Sometimes it is just easier for everyone including the other shoppers to avoid a meltdown when your kid is hungry, impatient and surrounded by food.

And yes, I paid in full.

I agree with Zing that there is definitely a big difference between a small child having a little snack and an adult doing the same thing.

tittytittyhanghang · 30/07/2013 02:41

Pffft, please, people eating food and not paying for it (stealing) is not a knock on effect from seeing other people eating food and then paying for it. Thats like saying the junkie who put a 50 inch tv in his trolley and then tried to walk out the store without paying for it is a knock on effect from everyone else who put the 50 inch tv in their trolley before paying for it at the counter. People steal because they are dishonest thieving shits who don't give a fuck about what anyone else does other than themselves.

And how do you know the waste on the floor is unpaid for?

Actually i find it hard to believe there are hordes of people eating food and not paying for it, and only a tiny minority are actually honest and paying for it. Im more inclined to believe its the other way round. And quite frankly the actions of the honest have no bearings on those of the dishonest.

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 02:42

And, large supermarket chains massively inflate the price of goods and rip off the public all the time as well as driving the small business out of the high street and paying their employees a pittance for the work they do.

Do I feel bad if people indulge in a little petty theft of grapes and children's snacks? Hardly.

MidniteScribbler · 30/07/2013 02:54

I agree with ilovesooty, I think it's sad that people find it necessary to continually shove food in their or their children's mouths. To me, it's like the people who can't make it through a theatre performance without crinkly chip packets.

You don't need to feed your children all the time. Take a toy with you, or get them involved with the task you are doing, it's a great learning opportunity for them.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 30/07/2013 02:59

I think some people do see the 'help yourself' food as an open invitation to take a few of the choicer bits for themselves. I recently saw a man stick his fingers in a bowl of anchovies and help himself to a handful.

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 03:27

Worry that is why I never buy from those 'help yourself' stands. Yuck!