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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
LackaDAISYcal · 30/07/2013 00:29

oops assuming diabetes, don't think op said what illness is!

BuildMeUpButtercup · 30/07/2013 00:35

Buildmeup, the OP has explained that her DD had already eaten the snack that she usually has to hand, but needed something else, diabetes being an unpredictable kind of illness.

I appreciate it can be an unpredictable illness. If you're not taking enough food out with you though, surely that's something that needs looking at? What happens if you AREN'T in the middle of Tesco's or whatever and just out and about?! Would they become ill? Yes, most likely.
You wouldn't run the risk, would you if it was a serious outcome? So why run the risk if you are going near a supermarket?!
Or is it a case of I'm going to a supermarket so I don't need to take much, I can just eat as I go round there?!

MamaChubbyLegs · 30/07/2013 00:36

YANBU. Your child is diabetic. That trumps manners.
What would they expect you to do if she had had a proper hypo. Expect you to queue at pharmacy so you can buy some bleeding hypostop (or whatever they call it these days)?

The staff were not BU to ask you, because I'm sure some people do just nick stuff, but they didn't handle it brilliantly, did they?

If you're still upset, maybe complain to the manager. I wouldn't bother tbh, but it might make you feel better?

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:37

Meh... Because as I say... It's never ever been an issue...

Oh. So it's the expected thing for the supermarket to accommodate your child grazing on demand then.

thornrose · 30/07/2013 00:37

I think it says a lot about current eating habits that children (health issues aside of course) can't get through a weekly shop without being fed.

midori1999 · 30/07/2013 00:38

It never even occurred to me not to do this, I do it most supermarket trips with my 2 year old. It would never cross my mind not to pay and the checkout assistant/staff always act like its the most normal thing ever, so i assumed the supermarkets didn't mind. It means I don't have to rush my shop with a screaming toddler, so spend more and sometimes the 'snack' is something I wouldn't have bought otherwise, so the supermarket profits from it too.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:39

Or is it a case of I'm going to a supermarket so I don't need to take much, I can just eat as I go round there?

That seems to be the case for a number of posters, even those who don't necessarily have children with disabilities.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:40

I agree with that, thornrose

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 00:41

ilovesooty why don't you take a snack with you what a clever and useful tip, thanks! that is a brand new suggestion!Hmm

OP said she did, but her DD had eaten it and it wasn't enough.

for me - I tend to, but sometimes I forget in the morning rush trying to get to school on time.

there are such things as making mistakes or being forgetful or being disorganized, you know! or have you never been caught out and needed a quick -albeit imperfect- solution?
you might think you are perfect, but I'm not, nor do I strive to be.

shit happens and we all try to make the best of it. little kids being given a bite to eat is no big deal, if the parent pays for it.

(all this talking about food made me hungry. hamwidge time!Grin)

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 30/07/2013 00:42

Oh dear you do need to be careful if your DD is diabetic. I guess it's extremely rare for you not to have sweets/glucose on you. Sad

I think it is ok to occasionally give little DCs food when you are in super market but I would always give something like the end of a French loaf or a few strawberries from a punnet. Something where it was obvious I still had the product to pay for it IYSWIM. If you give a single pack of crisps then it would be easier to loose the empty packet.

If I was approached after paying I would have been apologetic and been very happy to show them my receipt. I don't think they did anything wrong.

I tried to never let my kids have anything but I know I did from time to time

chattychattyboomba · 30/07/2013 00:42

Why are you so incensed? It's all good. Chill... Here...Biscuit
I promise I bought it already WinkGrin

MamaChubbyLegs · 30/07/2013 00:42

Buildmeup, I'm sure it will be something that the OP "looks at" from now on. Hmm

Diabetes is not always predictable, can be a deteriorating illness, and can escalate fast. OP thought she was safe. She wasn't. Lesson learnt, I'd imagine.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:42

Zingewidge I didn't mean the OP.

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 30/07/2013 00:43

It would have been easier just to buy the crisps in the basket only till and then go back and do the rest of the shopping.

LackaDAISYcal · 30/07/2013 00:43

but why do people get their knickers in a such a twist about it? Some people do, some people don't. Those who chose not to graze don't affect the lives of those that do, those who do graze don't affect the the lives of those that don't...

chattychattyboomba · 30/07/2013 00:45

Exactly Daisy... Tralalalalaaaa! Now let's all be friendsGrin

thornrose · 30/07/2013 00:45

See I don't see anyone here being "incensed" I see a very adult, laid back debate on the subject. Some people however are being quite defensive.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:46

As I said earlier I think it has its roots in instant gratification, so is a bigger issue than the grazing alone.

thornrose · 30/07/2013 00:46

Almost every thread on Mumsnet involves those who do and those who don't. If we all agreed there would be no discussion surely?

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 00:47

thornrose current eating habits? pfft

I remember being given a little bite of freshly baked bread while in the shop, before my mum paid for it - it just smelt and tasted so good as it was still warm! (and I'm 38)
not once was she or anyone else doing exactly the same, including adults considered being a thief!

and this was is in communist Hungary where they did random searches as you left your factory or office to check that you are not stealing anything!

thornrose · 30/07/2013 00:50

Ilovesooty, I also see the issue being greater than the rights and wrongs of eating before paying.

It's about food bring used to placate or entertain.

chattychattyboomba · 30/07/2013 00:50

You are probably right ilovesooty- but that's down to what other people choose to do.
I am pretty happy with instantly gratifying my daughter when it comes to grazing as there are faaarrrr more tiring and stressful things to worry about. She's happy, very healthy, intelligent...still has all her teef Wink
She is a typical toddler.
But I can see why you might think this could be a bigger issue for some people. In this case though I think the OP did nothing wrong.

thornrose · 30/07/2013 00:51

Zing, that's a bit different from being fed whilst shopping because otherwise you would scream or misbehave though.

ilovesooty · 30/07/2013 00:52

Thanks thornrose

I'm glad I'm not the only one. This need to placate and entertain is all too evident in other areas too. It manifests itself in schools as a regular occurrence for example.

Dizzydummy · 30/07/2013 00:57

Before I had children then I would have been all snotty and judgey but now.....lord above, if it makes getting round and out quicker then as long as it's not alcohol then they can fill their boots Grin

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