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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:
ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 08:55

and what about buying icecream at an ice cream van for 10 people?
you hand out the dripping ice creams and I have never seen anyone not licking it before paying.

especially the kids. the little thieving bastards......how dare they? what if I don't have enough money or my purse is stolen ? oh no!
we would all go to prison for theft by consumption!

ffs.

emilyeggs · 31/07/2013 09:00

Wow this debate still running! A lot of people saying they couldn't care less whet others think yet are posting an awful lot Wink

inneedofsomehelpplz · 31/07/2013 09:19

so come on grazers - how do supermarkets police whether all grazers pay or not seeing as thousands of pounds of stock is stollen daily - the only answer so far is its ok, i do it! come on guys, explain...... maybe the stores should increase staff to police & pass the costs on via raising food costs. its not legally yours until you pay for it! & really, grown adults grazing round the stores?

ilovesooty · 31/07/2013 09:27

Debate? Many of the grazing defenders are trying to shut debate down by PA pisstaking and metaphorical eye rolling.

And now there's even the suggestion that their children are being excluded from society by all those miserable adult stereotypes who don't agree with using the supermarket as a moving buffet. Of course they're bound to be antisocial adults determined to exclude your toddlers as well as being DM readers.

HarderToKidnap · 31/07/2013 09:28

Inneed, that's a weird question. I don't steal things. The people who need policing are people who steal things. As I'm not one of them, why would they need to increase staff to watch me not steal stuff?

Stealing and grazing are two different issues, why are you conflating them? You may as well aggressively ask how they know you're not going to shoplift the stuff you've put in your trolley. In fact, people who put stuff in your trolley, explain! Come ON! You might nick that stuff, how are the shops going to police you!!!!

anklebitersmum · 31/07/2013 09:30

Grin loving this thread..

inneedofsomehelpplz · 31/07/2013 09:41

because a common theft is grazers eating round the store & hiding the wrappers & how on earth does the store know you are going to pay at the end? what a stupid thing to say lol..... well, im gonna pay so the staff should know that..... thousands of pounds a day are lost from grazers not paying but of cause of the store should know youre going to pay ah harder cause its you :-P

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 09:46

Well, inneedof my DS is the grazer, not I.
But I would imagine that store detectives /staff would observe for the kinds of behaviours seen from shoplifters such as pocketing items/ packaging in a surreptitious manner or leaving items in the trolly or a bag rather than placing it onto the belt.
But as hardertokidnap says, I am not stealing, never have.
Also, how do they know that ppl who use the self- shop hand -held scanners aren't slipping extra stuff in the trolley?
Theft is a problem for all organisations and the most common culprits are staff. Not toddlers.

And ilovesooty my eye rolling is very real. I am staggered at the leap made by some posters from -allowing a hungry toddler to eat in public, to rampant gorging by all and sundry. Examples include "can't you do a half hour shop without needing to constantly eat?" of course I can.
And I do see this issue as part of the whole business of sniffy criticism about how and what and where children eat.

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 09:48

So there Grin

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 09:49

And I park one of two oversized cars in the p&c space while I'm shopping too. (only ever with DCs though) Smile

HorryIsUpduffed · 31/07/2013 09:50

The contract in a naice restaurant is order, eat, pay.

The contract in a supermarket is choose, pay, eat.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/07/2013 09:53

They police it the same way they police every other shopper

ilovesooty · 31/07/2013 09:56

So you're saying Emily that you see this as a serious issue. Try debating it like an adult without resorting to stereotyping adults going about their daily business. Try acting like a grown up.

I have no objections to children being taken to et anywhere provided parents have an awareness of and respect for the personal space and enjoyment of others. I do not sit and read the DM in coffeeshops. However I don't see supermarkets as a default environment for feeding, along the line of fast food outlets, food courts and cafes.

ilovesooty · 31/07/2013 09:59

So there

And now dragging in the P&C parking. As I said, grow up

inneedofsomehelpplz · 31/07/2013 09:59

all stores have a no graze policy but emily, as its you & your toddler, all stores will make an exception cause you is speshial ;-) have you tried feeding your "hungry toddler" before going shopping or is this simply not the done thing anymore?

& mums with children arent always honest, the amount of mums who feed grapes ect on the way round & when asked not to is answered by its only a few grapes & yes,it may only be a few grapes but adds up by multiple parents doing this.

anyways, im in the right :-D

ChippingInHopHopHop · 31/07/2013 10:03

all stores have a no graze policy

They do, do they. Interesting comment. What exactly makes you so sure of that?

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 10:04

Fair enough horry.
But in the circumstances I (and most other "pro-grazers") have described it's a common, harmless exception to the rule that is tolerated by the supermarkets (and positively encouraged in some shops)
Some ppl don't care for it. Fair enough.
But
It is not theft
It will not make my DCs obese or unruly.

ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 10:09

emily this thread is like groundhog day.

everything you said I agree with and either I or others have already pointed it out - I even got an answers that a toddler having a munch will lead to them being obese and walking around I supermarkets while scoffing food they will not pay for!Grin
fascinating

(I think you and should just go and talk about Jack and Nolan. I wish I could munch on their earlobes while shopping....Grin Grin Grin Grin )

ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 10:10

x-post!

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 10:18

I'm not expecting an exception to be made for me and my toddler.

Why should I wait until he's eaten? It makes for a great shop if I have DS in the trolley seat, eating his lunch and dd in the sling. Otherwise it's a stressful uncomfortable activity for all of us.
Why shouldn't I make it easier for myself?
How does anyone watching him eat know whether I've brought that lunch with me (which I sometimes do) or if it's something I have chosen in the shop? There are two issues being raised by objectors one is that it could be theft/ mistaken for theft/ hide the true problem of theft and another is the disapproval of ppl eating in public or between meals.
Sometimes I'll select some cold meat and the staff at the deli counter help while I open it for him. They're not bothered. I don't steal. I spend hundreds of pounds a month in their store.
It does you no harm. It does no one any harm.
Why are you so bothered as to give suggestions about how I manage my day?

I didn't say I see it as a serious issue. I said I see it as part of the larger issue of parent bashing (that was a metaphor).

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 10:19

Ah zingwidge how I miss Nolan,
And jack
Ooh and Aiden.

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2013 10:22

Speaking as a parent (so who's being bashed here?) I think HorryIsUpduffed summed it up beautifully and succinctly:

The contract in a naice restaurant is order, eat, pay. The contract in a supermarket is choose, pay, eat.

Simples.

ZingWidge · 31/07/2013 10:23

Aiden! I bet he could open a pack of crisps without anyone noticing.
he has skills I tell ya

inneedofsomehelpplz · 31/07/2013 10:24

why should you emily? because its not allowed lol - oh dear (face palm) :-Q

Emilythornesbff · 31/07/2013 10:32

Ok groundhog day. Yes.
All questions have been answered at some point in this thread.

There are many things that Aiden would be welcome to.... Oh too much.Blush

Right. Off to clean kitchen.