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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give dd food before paying for it?

735 replies

cantsleep · 29/07/2013 22:20

Went to shops today with dcs. Dd was a bit tired and hungry and I wanted to get in and out quickly and home.

She was very hungry and has health issues and needed to eat that minute so I picked something up and let her have it. I have not done this before but couldn't have gone and paid then given it to her and continued shopping as she needed to eat straight away. Usually I have a snack in my bag for her but she had already had that one and I was going to buy more snack bits for her from the shops to replenish the ones I carry for her.

I noticed that a shop assistant was watching us intently and kept seeing her as we went round the shop.

When we got to the till I took the packet off dd for the man to scan and gave it back to her. As we were leaving the member of staff who had been watching approached us with a security guard and asked had we paid for what dd had eaten round the shop. I replied yes we had but she asked to check the receipt which obviously was fine.

She then told me that in future we HAD to pay for food before consuming it. I explained to her that it was a one off as I had run out of snacks I usually carry and dd needed to eat immediately but the security guard said food has to be paid for first.

It wasn't like I do this all the time and tbh as long as the food is paid for does it really matter?

WIBU to have let dd eat her snack before we had paid for it?

OP posts:

BonaDea · 30/07/2013 18:03

Who is talking about stealing???

We're talking about eating food then paying when you get to the till. Obviously not paying is not on!

TheSmallClanger · 30/07/2013 18:03

According to my friend, although it doesn't come out of the staff's wages, it does affect the bonuses they receive at the end of the year.

Canidae · 30/07/2013 18:05

Stealing can affect the staff bonus but not eating and then paying for something.

usualsuspect · 30/07/2013 18:07

Eating something then paying for it at the till, will make no difference to staff bonuses.

ZingWidge · 30/07/2013 18:16

usual

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 18:25

Done my shopping now. All packed away.

I think there's quite a difference between feeding a hungry toddler with food from your trolley that you'll pay for and always pacifying a child with food.
It's probably not a good idea for a child to receive food as a first line response to any emotional need. I'm sure most ppl would agree with that. But that's not the same thing as averting a tantrum that might come on because a hungry toddler is strapped into a supermarket trolley for an hour by letting him gnaw the end of a baguette.
I've said it before and I stand by my point that I think there's too much finger wagging and tutting about benign parenting practices.

And my credit card is no more likely to let me down in waitrose or sainsburys than in a restaurant where the food has already been eaten.

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 18:32

Welcome back Emily.

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 18:41

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 18:42

Enjoy your and ?

mrscupcake · 30/07/2013 18:49

I think it's fine as long as you pay for it - large supermarkets have cameras everywhere so the security guards in the 'security office' could watch and make sure you pay.

A Tesco employee told me last year that they would rather parents did that than have the shop full of tantrum-ing kids, and that they expect it to happen.
When my DS was a toddler we used to go to the deli counter and get a slice of ham weighed out and ask for the bag to be left open so he could eat it (along with the top off of a baguette), this was never a problem and we always paid for everything. He did once want a banana which I paid for through a self service till before we started shopping and kept the receipt in case we were stopped (we weren't).
It is incredibly hard grocery shopping with a small child - they can see nothing but food - at eye level if they are in the trolley, and their ability to delay gratification has not yet developed, and that is for a healthy child.

IMO, if a supermarket wants families to buy groceries from them they should be prepared for this to happen.

I would be tempted to write to the supermarket and explain that your DD is diabetic and ask 'theoretically' what their stance would be on you paying for something after she had eaten it if it meant she did not become ill in the store.

I would also, out of sheer bloodymindedness, shop elsewhere from now on!

JerseySpud · 30/07/2013 18:51

Honestly my opinion is that its wrong. You should have either made sure you had your daughters snacks or bought something then given it to her.

Neither of my kids have eaten around the supermarket, i teach them to pay for it first then eat.

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 18:54

"not impressed with the idea that it is ok to steal from big corporations because they are big corporations."

So are you OK with them stealing from and deceiving their customers, ruining the agricultural industry and putting people out of business? Personally I think 'grazing' is a drop in the bucket in comparison.

As for overheads and direct impact on product prices, that is all bollocks propaganda they feed staff and the public in order to create reasons for their inflated mark ups on products.

www.corporatewatch.org/?lid=2607

PattieOfurniture · 30/07/2013 18:56

I let ds2 hold something in a shop once, he chewed the box up and ripped it to shreds, it's ok I thought I'm paying for it in a minute. When I got to the till my purse wasn't in my bag, I left the item behind the till and had to drive 20 miles home to get my purse then drive back to pay for it.
I'd never do anything like that again

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 18:57

Why I did thank you Emily.

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 19:04

Mitzyme · 30/07/2013 19:07

I'm cooking dinner now, all paid for!

eccentrica · 30/07/2013 19:17

mrscupcake agree with every word you've written.
It's not easy to be 2 years old and surrounded by infinite food and drink, all designed and laid out to be as irresistible as possible, for half an hour.

Ridiculous the posters on here smugly saying that their toddler can tell the difference between a packet of raisins which has been separately bought at the self-service checkout, one which has been brought from home, and one which will be paid for at the end of the shop. And that they will learn a moral lesson if you queue for the self-service checkout first, but will become obese moral vacuums in constant need of oral gratification if you don't. Er, no.

For god's sake. And no, I don't hand over empty packets covered in drool at the checkout. If I've removed one box of raisins from a multipack, what difference does that make to anyone?

Emilythornesbff · 30/07/2013 19:25

Quite right mrscupcake and eccentria

mitzyme enjoy your dinner. Off to get dd to bed (without waking ds)

poppingin1 · 30/07/2013 19:26

Indeed eccentrica, it smacks of arrogance to me.

willowstar · 30/07/2013 19:38

Does it depend on the age of he child? My 18 month old grazes his sy round sometimes but my almost 4 yr old understands about waiting until we have paid for something before eating it.

TheSmallClanger · 30/07/2013 20:48

Waste (damaged stock, opened multipacks) and litter affect staff bonuses.

I don't buy this "oh it's so hard for a toddler with all this food around, they don't understand delayed gratification, poor little mites" stuff either. The adult has the option of saying "no" and teaching them that instant gratification is not possible in most cases.

girliefriend · 30/07/2013 20:59

Think the person who was 'watching' the op needs to get a life tbh, I have done this and my dd has no health needs etc she was just bored!!

yanbu

littlemisswise · 30/07/2013 21:05

It is not arrogance, or smugness or judginess to disagree or say you don't/didn't do something.

inneedofsomehelpplz · 30/07/2013 21:18

yabu - the shop DOES NOT legally have to sell you anyrhing. seriously, how long would it have taken for you to pay for your dds food & then carry on shopping? dont complain as you were in the wrong. i manage a large supermarket & tbh have better things to do than check every self righteous parent pays for the inhaled food at the checkout. next time, plan ahead.

MrsKeithRichards · 30/07/2013 21:19

How many 18 month olds have you successfully reasoned with recently?

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