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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
muminthecity · 28/07/2013 23:44

Oh and I am in South London, I'm a teaching assistant with CRB etc. I'd be happy to help in any way possible.

ChimeForChange · 28/07/2013 23:44

North West London if you need any help around here.

Thinking of you and your new baby boy x x

SloughCow · 29/07/2013 00:08

schobe you're right for calling me on that 'ungrateful' was completley the wrong word to have used, especially as i hadn't read the post properly, i thought the sister had the kids already for 3 weeks, as opposed to 1 night but when you've been through something so simillar, less than a couple of months ago, its hard to get across what you mean clearly

i'm sure ops sister isn't stupid, and knows her lack of assistance will have consequences, and if the dad is a short drive away, he should help to, rather than expect all the responsibility to fall on her

MCos · 29/07/2013 00:18

OP, no words to add. Only God Bless, and good luck.

Mimishimi · 29/07/2013 00:20

YANBU. Could your kids go and stay with her or your dad if she prefers to be at home, so that both you and your DH can spend time with your little boy? So sorry that he has health problems Sad [hug]

ThatVikRinA22 · 29/07/2013 00:29

has the OP been back at all? i hope she didnt see that post from age and feel unable to come back.
what the fuck is wrong with some people?

HDEE there are loads of people who are willing to help you out - come back if you can.
wishing you lots of luck with your baby boy. x

Zazzles007 · 29/07/2013 01:08

OP I am sorry that on top of your complications, that your sister is being so self-absorbed. I can imagine my sister behaving just like your unfortunately, so I totally sympathise.

Best of luck and hope things turn out for the best.

FasterStronger · 29/07/2013 07:41

it is a very sad situation. unfortunately I don't think it is at all unusual that you cannot rely on your siblings.

melmo26 · 29/07/2013 08:25

Hope your little man pulled through. Sometimes miracles do happen.

maidmarian2012 · 29/07/2013 08:25

Just found this thread, how dreadful of your sister OP. I would drop EVERYTHING for my Dsis.

I am thinking of you and hoping your little baby gets stronger Thanks

(((((hugs)))))

fuckwittery · 29/07/2013 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Branleuse · 29/07/2013 08:40

im in north essex and am happy to help if needed x

GingerBlondecat · 29/07/2013 08:43

The (((((((((((((((softest, warmest of Hugs)))))))))))))) OP

Coconutty · 29/07/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mootime · 29/07/2013 09:48

YANBU. Congratulations on the birth of your son. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's terrible to say but sometime family members just really don't get it at times like this. There were member of my DH's family who behaved so terribly while my son was in NICU and in the weeks after we lost him that I still struggle to see them.
I hope that your son makes a turn for the better, and you manage to get your husband to be with you.

MissStrawberry · 29/07/2013 10:22

I would just ignore age. Pointless posts from someone with no compassion.

OP sending you thoughts and hopes that your baby boy is improving.

thebody · 29/07/2013 10:30

how are you today op, thinking about you all.hugs xx

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 29/07/2013 10:38

Hope you were able to get some support organised, thinking of you Thanks

ICBINEG · 29/07/2013 10:50

Thinking of you Thanks - Offer of hand holding if you are in NE...

Madmum24 · 29/07/2013 10:51

Your sis is being BVU OP but leave it with her for now, channel all your energy on your precious son and don't give up hope. My friend gave birth in the car at 23 weeks and her daughter was very poorly for months, frequent bleeds etc and were told to remove life support (which they refused). She is now a very loud, happy, healthy 8 year old. I pray that your son will be the same xxx

Tiredmumno1 · 29/07/2013 11:09

Thinking of you all this morning HDEE

Edendance · 29/07/2013 11:20

Could you possibly pay to get an emergancey nanny in? There are agencies who specialise in hiring out nannies to people just like you who need sudden Leo in emergancy scenarios.

But yes, it does sound like your sister is being a big job... :-(

coldwater1 · 29/07/2013 11:25

Hi OP.

If you live in London i can offer any help over the next two days (days off work) and can fit it around my own family (9 kids!). Not a problem. I know what it is like to have a very sick newborn in hospital, my first baby was very ill, not prem but terminally ill and died at 4 months. Really, i will not mind at all. x

ben5 · 29/07/2013 11:28

Is there a MacDonald house near by that could help? We stayed in one when ds2 was poorly

LeGavrOrf · 29/07/2013 11:30

Oh how awful.

I really hope your baby is getting better and that your husband has been able to be there with you.

What a terrible time for you all. Your sister should have done all she could to help. Most right minding people would drop everything to help someone in such a heartremding situation.