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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
LemonBreeland · 28/07/2013 19:25

So sorry for what you are going through OP. Your sister is awful. I agree thst in the circumstances it is the kind of thing I would do for a stranger.

My thoughts are with you.

kitsmummy · 28/07/2013 19:26

I'm so sorry for you and fwiw, I agree that what your sister has done is absolutely unforgivable. Sending positive vibes to your son, I hope he pulls through x

mynameisslimshady · 28/07/2013 19:27

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful son Thanks

I am so sorry that he is so ill, I have been in a similar position and its fucking shit, to say the least. You have my every sympathy and I wish you and your little boy much strength and love.

Is it possible that your sister feels she can't cope explaining why your dh had to go in the night to the children? Clearly its nothing compared to what you and your husband are going through, but it might go some way to explaining her being so selfish.

Gwagon · 28/07/2013 19:27

So very, very sorry for your situation.

Have never posted before, but had to to say how your sister's behaviour is so unbelievably unreasonable. What a bitch to behave this way at a time like this.

I hope your baby pulls through and you can go home soon together

PfftTheMagicDraco · 28/07/2013 19:28

Whereabouts are you, OP?

kitsmummy · 28/07/2013 19:28

Do you have any friends locally who could stay at your house tonight?

DaleyBump · 28/07/2013 19:28

So, so sorry you're going through this. If you're up Glasgow way, I'm more than happy to help you out.

Beautifulbabyboy · 28/07/2013 19:29

HDEE - just wanted to send you lots of love. Really hope your baby manages to pull the through. Xx

Your sister is being very selfish and that's sad too. 🌺

filee777 · 28/07/2013 19:29

Oh what a sad situation :(

I would have husband drop the kids off with her and get to you sharpish, don't concentrate on her behaviour it is not worth your headspace right now.

NatashaBee · 28/07/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 28/07/2013 19:30

op have you sils? friends? hugs hugs.

deleted203 · 28/07/2013 19:30

Really, really sorry for what you are going through.

Your sister is appalling. Like you, I'd be there for a total stranger at this point. This is a crisis. Clean clothes are not - and she could manage.

Do you have friends nearby that could perhaps come round and stay for the night once DCs are in bed so that DH could come and be with you? Could your dad not stay over?

Keeping everything crossed for you and your lovely new baby.

Pinupgirl · 28/07/2013 19:31

Get your dh back to the hospital-bring the other kids with him if you have too. I lost my first dc at 24 weeks. Although we were told he was very ill we didn't realise how badly and my dh went home-by the time he got back we had only had an hour with him before he diedSad

Don't concern yourself with your sister at the moment-you can deal with that later. At the moment concentrate on your precious dc-you need your dh with you right now.

thistlelicker · 28/07/2013 19:32

Aww sending hugs!!! And a hand!

Coconutty · 28/07/2013 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarelovely · 28/07/2013 19:34

So sorry you are in this situation and so very sorry to hear your son is so poorly. What a terrible time for you. Of course yanbu, it is unthinkable that anyone would behave in this way. I so hope some of your family members can come up with a plan to support you. Thinking of you Op xxx

quoteunquote · 28/07/2013 19:34

Sorry you are going through this,

People sometimes are really odd when it comes to supporting people in NICU, they don't get it, sorry.

I hope someone steps up to the mark soon so your husband can come and share this time with you.

hermioneweasley · 28/07/2013 19:35

I am so sorry about your new baby and everything your family is gong through, and so sorry that your sister is being so crap.

Ruprekt · 28/07/2013 19:36

Where are you HDEE?

I will come and see you if you are local. And I will bring chocolates.

Thinking of you all. Xx

Hissy · 28/07/2013 19:37

I don't know what to say about your sister, it's almost beyond belief.

I've suffered cruelty at the hands of my sister, but omg, nothing like this! Shocking!

My thoughts and hopes are with you and your family.

Hissy · 28/07/2013 19:38

If you're anywhere near me, i'll come and sit with you for a bit!

mayoandchips · 28/07/2013 19:38

Flowers I'm so sorry to hear about your baby, no advice to give, I'm sure others will be of more help, just wanted to tell you that my prayers are with you xxx

GailTheGoldfish · 28/07/2013 19:39

Low. That's all I can say about her. I truly hope your little one pulls through and wish you luck and strength xx

Groovee · 28/07/2013 19:41

Flowers thinking off you. Are there any friends locally who could help out instead?

3birthdaybunnies · 28/07/2013 19:41

Do you have any contact details for parents in your 6yr old's class? I am fairly confident that under similar circumstances most other parents in my dd's school would help if they possibly could.