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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
charlottehere · 28/07/2013 22:52

Positive thoughts fr tiny baby boy.

Joanne279 · 28/07/2013 22:52

Huge hugs op. I wish you baby the best.

Your sister is being selfish under the circumstances. My god, in those circumstances, I'd help someone I severely disliked, let alone family.

I'm assuming you have a washing machine she could use? Or borrow something of yours.

Again hun, huge huge hugs x

TalkativeJim · 28/07/2013 22:52

Oh OP, fingers crossed for your little boy. I will be thinking about you.

From what you've said about hospitals etc. I doubt that you are based near me, but if you are - I would be available to help you.

charlottehere · 28/07/2013 22:52

Positive thoughts fr tiny baby boy.

5madthings · 28/07/2013 22:53

Oh hdee sending love and strength to you and your little boy, does he have a name?

Yanbu to be furious, ffs this is OE of those times when you put yourself out and do what needs to be done, if any of my friends or family was in your situation I would do anything needed to help.

I am also very near the n&n in Norwich, literally ten mins drove so if that so where you are then pm, happy to have extra kids etc.

Much love and strength

PistachioTruffle · 28/07/2013 22:56

Thinking of you and your little boy, HDEE Flowers

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 28/07/2013 22:57

I'm in Manchester HDEE if I can be of any help to you.

Sending positive thoughts for your little boy

waltermittymissus · 28/07/2013 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Footface · 28/07/2013 23:00

age I reported your post, not for the comment about the sister having done as much as she can, but for the 2nd line whic was a disgusting, rude, cruel and disgraceful comment which told the op to get off of mn and look after her baby.

Don't try and back track now

morethanpotatoprints · 28/07/2013 23:03

YANBU you poor love.
My prayers go out to you, and of course your little one.

I hope you find somebody else to mind your dc because your dh would want to be with you.

Is there a neighbour or a friend who can help.
My friend had help from school when she went through similar, the TA's had her girls overnight. The nursery can be good too out of hours for emergencies sometimes. It is certainly worth bearing in mind.

Angelfootprints · 28/07/2013 23:09

I don't know what you said age, but guess what this thread isn't about you.

The audacity of you though, wanting someone else's thread deleted because you made your self look horrid.

riskit4abiskit · 28/07/2013 23:12

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Cant imagine what you must be going through, am thinking of you. I am in greater manc and crb cleared too I would gladly help with babysitting.

SamHamwidge · 28/07/2013 23:12

I am sat here heartbroken and am praying for your lovely little baby boy. PROM is so cruel . If there is anything I can do please pm me- in east Kent. X

LunaticFringe · 28/07/2013 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aspiemum2 · 28/07/2013 23:21

Yanbu, your husband should be with you and your baby and any family you have should rally round to facilitate that. It is what any normal human being would do and anything else is completely unthinkable to me.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through and desperately hoping that your beautiful baby defies the odds

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 28/07/2013 23:24

Sad oh im so sorry x

she's being a shit! she should be there for you

CatThiefKeith · 28/07/2013 23:28

I'm in NW Kent op. CRB checked and happy to help if you're close by.

I truly hope your son pulls through. You are both in my prayers.

Hashtagwhatever · 28/07/2013 23:30

So sorry, hope your son pulls through.

Do you have a grown up daughter, could she help?

Apologies if I have the wrong poster.

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 28/07/2013 23:30

Congratulations on your son,I'm in south Ireland if that's any help to you.

RubyrooUK · 28/07/2013 23:32

Congratulations on your baby boy and I'm sorry he is so sick. Will be thinking of you both. X

SloughCow · 28/07/2013 23:36

YANBU in my opinion BUT very ungrateful

i was the sister left looking after my niece and nephew when my sister had her son who was kept in hospital for 2 weeks.
essentially, i was running 2 households, hers and mine. i have 3 kids myself, and it is enormous pressure, that tbh i cant even type into sentences.
when she came home, she felt he wasn't better, and took him back for a further 11 days- i told her i need to be in my own house, i just found it easier to be there, and my niece and nephew came to stay with me.
she still takes him to hospital, and i bring the kids home, look after them for when shes back.

its not easy on you, i know how it feels, i really do, waiting for the worst, but dont cut her off, shes only capable of so much

thefuturesnotourstosee · 28/07/2013 23:37

OP we are in birmingham. I'm fully crb checked. Please PM me if we can help even if its only to bring you some clean knickers and some decent food

I'm so sorry you're going through this

xx

schobe · 28/07/2013 23:42

Ungrateful? For one morning a week but then refusing one, possibly crucial night for a lack of clean clothes?

I think you did so much more for your sister SloughCow than the op's sister. I don't think ungrateful is appropriate here, or particularly kind under the circs.

muminthecity · 28/07/2013 23:42

I'm so sorry OP, what an awful time for you. Your sister is completely and utterly unreasonable. Most people would be falling over themselves to help you, related or not, she should be doing more. If I were in your situation I would fully expect my sister to go out of her way and do anything in her power to help, and I have no doubt that she would. I hope your darling baby boy pulls through, sending you lots of love Thanks

Tiredmumno1 · 28/07/2013 23:44

But her sister hasn't offered to have the kids at hers slough, she just left and let them deal with such an awful situation.

The OPs DH should be with her, and most of all their son.

Praying for you all x