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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
olidusUrsus · 28/07/2013 22:12

Agree Betternc. It's very sad that poor OP's baby is sick, of course it is. But it isn't the sisters fault. She is perfectly entitled to say sorry, I can't help right now. And though lots of people would go to the ends of the earth for their siblings, unfortunately not all siblings have that relationship.

Luckily lots of MN'ers with available time and resources are stepping up. Hopefully OP will spot someone in her area.

Bliss will be good for support too OP, you may have already been handed some of their leaflets on NICU. If not, ask for some or look online. They are very helpful and it's sometimes comforting to have the information there.

MrsDeVere · 28/07/2013 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/07/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProtegeMoi · 28/07/2013 22:19

I know this is AIBU but can we please not argue about wether or not the sister / op is BU. the OP is going through an awful time right now and needs support, that's all that matters and everything else can wait.

olidusUrsus · 28/07/2013 22:20

The OP has the right to be hurt and angry at her sister for her lack of compassion at this difficult time.

Of course she does, but it doesn't look like the sister is willing to look after the children for the night, so OP or her DH need to find an alternative so that they can both be with each other and the baby.

LifeIsSoDifferent · 28/07/2013 22:24

I'm so sorry your going through this OP my thoughts are with you and your little boy! You hear of miracles and I really hope your little man gets one!!

Where abouts are you? There are alot of people on MN who will help

Your not so Dsis is terrible. I can't believe you would even need to ask her to watch them she should jus automatically do it!

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 28/07/2013 22:28

I'm in Lincolnshire Op if there is anything at all I can do to help.

laracroft2001 · 28/07/2013 22:29

Also want to add in I can/will help in anyway needed.

I'm in east london

LunaticFringe · 28/07/2013 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mildred37 · 28/07/2013 22:33

I'm in North Cambs, can be more specific on PM if needed. Please please please contact me if I can help in any way - be it clean clothes/food for you or anything for your DS/DC. Thinking of you and your family, your sister is shit. If I were in her shoes there would be no getting rid of me.

diddl · 28/07/2013 22:34

I assume the husband has no family nearby who can help.

I'd be gutted if my sister behaved like this.

Sadly, I could see it happening if it meant him looking after his own child alone.

I hope OP sorts something out so that her husband can be with her.

I would offer help myself, but am not in UK.

Sallystyle · 28/07/2013 22:34

I will be thinking of you and your baby.

I am in Norwich, very near that hospital if that happens to be where you are.

So much love going out to you Flowers

BridgetBidet · 28/07/2013 22:39

Fucking hell. There are some callous bastards about. I would walk over hot coals if my brother was in this situation and I thought it would help. I would drag my husband out of work (and he would leave willingly) to drive me there if I was needed.

I would go to the foreign country my husband is from at the drop of a hat and at great personal expense if this happened to my sister in law.

Paying for a taxi is not that fucking big an ask when your nephew is critically ill.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 28/07/2013 22:42

YANBU op, I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it's heartbreaking. Congratulations on the birth of your son. Your sister seems to have no compassion Sad . I hope your DH can get there in time should he need to. Thinking of you and your baby.

ageofgrandillusion · 28/07/2013 22:42

Can i make a suggestion that MNHQ remove this thread? I made an honest post to an AIBU thread and was removed. We dont know the full facts, the relationship between the sisters etc etc, there may be more to this than meets the eye.

LunaticFringe · 28/07/2013 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/07/2013 22:43

HDEE I am so sorry Sad thinking of you and your family at this time xx

Deal with your sister when you feel up to it.

I hope you can take someone up on their offer here. Sending strength to you all, especially DS x

Tiredmumno1 · 28/07/2013 22:44

Wtf? Age how is it your call to ask for a thread to be deleted?

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/07/2013 22:45

When ones idea of being honest is everybody else's idea of extreme unpleasantness one might want to have a think about how appropriate the statement was age

Plomino · 28/07/2013 22:45

Actually I suggest it remains . The OP is in obvious need of help from someone , and if one of us can help , then deleting it will just remove another possible option for her .

Sometime , honesty is not required . Sometime , just compassion is .

mynameisslimshady · 28/07/2013 22:45

No you didn't age , you can dress it up as an honest opinion if you like, the rest of us saw it as the nasty dig it was.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/07/2013 22:45

Oh and obviously your comment was not appropriate age, otherwise it wouldn't have been deleted

saintmerryweather · 28/07/2013 22:49

you cant ask for the thread to be removed because you got deleted and didnt like it. if you suspect the op is not genuine then report the thread instead of coming on here being suspicious

i hope you are able to.take a mn up on their offer op, praying for your little boy x

charlottehere · 28/07/2013 22:50

Feel sick for you. Sad she is bu totally. Congratulations .....am thinking positive thoughtsxx I'm in Essex, hearts border so andde brooks totally doable. Pm me.x

HenriettaPye · 28/07/2013 22:51

If you r in Northern Ireland I will help- just drop me a PM.

Saying a prayer for your beautiful son x

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