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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
whatshallwedo · 28/07/2013 21:06

Yanbu I can't believe your sister is being like this when you need her help and support.

Congratulations on the birth pf your ds, I have my fingers crossed for you all.

If you are in the Norfolk and Norwich please pm and I will happily visit you Smile

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 28/07/2013 21:08

This has actually made me cry, I cannot believe your sister (and her DP) is such a cruel heartless bitch. I don't care even if she had been looking after your kids for 3 weeks, that what family do. Jeez, i'd give a casual acquaintance more support, if you're around Edinburgh PM if there's anything I can do. In the meantime do you know anyone local who can allow your husband to get to you and your son?

Big hugs, hand holding and I'll be thinking if you tonight x

Angelfootprints · 28/07/2013 21:11

My stomach actually turned for you reading your post HDEE. What on earth is wrong with your sister? The stress and emotions you must be going through are horrendous. Its the least she could do, is to wash her clothes/ borrow yours.

She could just make your life that tiniest bit easier right now. Take some strain away for you.

Make you feel like people care.Like your not alone.

I'm not sure what else to say, its just shocking.

BridgetBidet · 28/07/2013 21:11

Better. So the fact that her husband went home and had a shower and changed clothes means that her sister shouldn't help her out when her baby is seriously ill. Really.

Sorry in this situation every stop must be pulled out. Wonga loans, kids in a taxi, pants from a pound shop, wearing borrowed clothes. You just do it.

Angelfootprints · 28/07/2013 21:12

If you want to say your rough location such as county (even if through PM), if I'm near to you I will help too.

DevastatedD0G · 28/07/2013 21:16

I'm so sorry your ds is so poorly, and that your sister is being a total shit. If you're anywhere near me doubtful (Cornwall) I'd be more than happy to help out.

countrymummy13 · 28/07/2013 21:17

HDEE

I had my baby boy at 27+5 last year after my waters broke early. Although we were very lucky with a healthy baby and a local NICU, I know a little of what you're going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You are of course being completely reasonable in your expectations of your sister. You are in a truly horrific situation and the last thing you need is worrying about your older children being carted around in the middle of the night.

But try not to worry about them too much, this time will pass and when you've got the time and energy again they'll get over all the upheaval.

Try to avoid any major blowouts now. You've got bigger things to worry about. But, when she needs help I wouldn't bother putting yourself out too much.

Good luck HDEE. I hope things look up soon.

peachypips · 28/07/2013 21:19

Waiting to find out where you are too xx

breakingup · 28/07/2013 21:27

WHERE ARE YOU OP I AM A CHILDMINDER AND WILL HAPPILY HELP YOU FOR FREE WITH YOUR KIDS

ChubbyKitty · 28/07/2013 21:28

Same. If your Newark area then I'm in walking distance. Your sister is being awful. No clean pants Hmm

Can't she cope with a slightly smelly fanjo for a few hours..? Or go commando? Or stick a panty liner in? I mean I will assume you have a bathroom at your house so I don't think it's much of a stretch to wash at your house?

I'm so sorry about your little boy and I hope he pulls through ThanksBrew

ProtegeMoi · 28/07/2013 21:32

So sorry your in this situation and praying for your little boy.

If your anywhere near Cheshire let me know and I will help out all I can, wether that's bringing you bits and pieces, company or someone to help with the older children (I'm a qualified teaching assistant and have police check, first aid etc. that you can see).

MammaTJ · 28/07/2013 21:34

I am sure there will be an MNer nearby willing to help you.

Tell us where you are.

So sorry you are going through this without your sisters full support.

Betternc4this · 28/07/2013 21:35

No er I definitely didn't say that Bridget. I was just pointing out the sisters possible pov as I just think maybe she is getting a bit of an unfair press when really all she has done is exactly as the OPs DH has done - i.e. chosen to go home to her own familiar home surroundings and to see her own DCS rather than suffer a little discomfort using someone elses facilities /being away from your own home.

breakingup · 28/07/2013 21:39

better when there is a tiny baby in a critical condition there are no points of view and certainly no excuses for making the parents any more stressed than they already are. Ops sister should of stayed regardless of smelly armpits!

cupofteaplease · 28/07/2013 21:41

Praying for your baby boy xxx

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/07/2013 21:43

When ds4 was born at 20 weeks my sister looked after ds2 for a week, even though she had to juggle work etc mil and sil had ds3 and my mum had ds1. Families should help at times like these.

I'm in Nottingham ver close to the city hospital if there is anything I can do

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 28/07/2013 21:45

If you or ypur home is in north londond then I'm more then happy to help in anyway you need...I'm an ofsted registered nanny

Am thinking of you and your sweet boy xxxxx

UnexpectedStepmum · 28/07/2013 21:45

HDEE also thinking of you and wishing your beautiful little boy the best. I am in east London if that's any help and will happily babysit, visit you or help in any way I can. I have one useless sister too, I have friends who mean far more to me than she does. I hope you have other people to support you in RL, you certainly do here.

Coconutty · 28/07/2013 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trazzletoes · 28/07/2013 21:53

Massive hugs HDEE. I've PMed you in case you're at the LGI in Leeds. If you are, im downstairs and available for anything you could need.

BridgetBidet · 28/07/2013 21:54

Better FRO. When your nephew is in a critical condition you move heaven and earth to help your sister. You don't baulk at 'suffering a little discomfort using someone else's facilities'.

If this was my sister I would wear dirty knickers, wear borrowed clothes, not wash, not brush my teeth, not brush my hair or even stand in the middle of Bristol with a sign saying 'BridgetBidet is a dirty mare who smells of knickers and take it up the bum' if it would help my sister.

Betternc4this · 28/07/2013 21:54

I just don't agree the sister should be made the scapegoat in this very sad situation. She didn't as far as we know phone the DH and demand he leave the hospital and his distressed DW and sick baby so she could go home. She was actually facilitating DH staying by their side until he chose to come home and have a shower and see his other DCs. So she did the same but still agreed to have the DCs brought to her at any time should need be.

CocacolaMum · 28/07/2013 21:58

In cambs and happy to help if you are near x

I am so sorry that you are going through this, its a horrible feeling not to be able to rely on family xx

Mogz · 28/07/2013 22:01

I'm near Huntingdon if there is anything I can do to help, please feel free to let us take a weight off your mind at this time. Wishing you and the little one all the love and luck.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/07/2013 22:02

She sounds fucking awful, If she had agreed to stay the ops dh could have gone back to the hospital after having a shower etc. It must be awful to be on your own under these circumstances