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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/07/2013 20:37

Because, diddl, her dad may not be able to cope. My DH would struggle on his own (elderly)

FGS people, if you can't just send support and good thoughts to the OP, then please don't bother.

HDEE, hoping so much that you have good news for your baby.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 28/07/2013 20:38

Yes, deal with your sister later. Focus on either a) getting someone else to sit at your house so your DH can come to the hospital, or second best b) getting someone else to keep you company at the hospital. If you post a location (you could always ask MNHQ to delete that post later) you might get someone nearby.

MrsDeVere · 28/07/2013 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busymum1 · 28/07/2013 20:38

congratulations on your new baby fingers crossed he gets stronger nicu is a scary place and very lonely. I hope you manage to sort something and if you do post what area hopefully somebody will be able to help you.

Turniptwirl · 28/07/2013 20:39

Thinking of you and your son OP

It's lovely to see all the offerings of support on here. Anyone with a heart would do anything they could to help someone in your situation yanbu to expect your sister to borrow a pair of pants for a day!

olidusUrsus · 28/07/2013 20:41

OP have you tried the Bliss Message Boards? Offers support for parents dealing with premature babies, both pre- during- and post NICU stay.

Footface · 28/07/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BendyBusBuggy · 28/07/2013 20:42

I am so sorry OP. Thinking of you and DS.

OrangeJuiceSandwich · 28/07/2013 20:42

This thread has really got to me. I can't imagine not wanting to help someone in these circumstances, anyone.

I'm praying for your lovely little baby.

Footface · 28/07/2013 20:43

Op I'm really sorry this is happening. Your sister is a shit.

Where abouts are you ?

BarnYardCow · 28/07/2013 20:43

It should be an unspoken rule that siblings help each other out at times like these, her husband should just be told that he has got his children until she is not needed by you to help with yours. Sorry to hear that your baby has arrived so early, sending positive thoughts your way. Xx

mrspaddy · 28/07/2013 20:45

What a dreadful position to be in.. congratulations on your little baby.. I will say a prayer for you xxx

PS.. your sister has a lot to learn.. I would be more that angry at this.

Dorris83 · 28/07/2013 20:46

HDEE I'm so sorry that you and your new DS are in this awful situation. I'm thinking of you and wishing health for your lovely DS.
Take care HDEE

Cuddlydragon · 28/07/2013 20:47

age that post was horrible. Truly, how can you look at yourself after that.

dontwannasaywho · 28/07/2013 20:49

[ageofgrandillusion] that is so horrible, what a mean thing to say to someone on here at a time like this

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 28/07/2013 20:51

Age I really hope that like I did the other day that you have misjudged and mis understood the tone of the op, and posted before thinking. I did this and was at least decent enough to own up to my very foolish mistake and apologise. If not then do ftfothfsof, you know what to do when you get there!

Op, I hope not have taken some of these ladies up on their offer of pm's and support. If you're able please tell us where you are, help is out there (or in here).

OnTheNingNangNong · 28/07/2013 20:51

Sending thoughts to you, some good advice here, I hope you can find something that will help you out. I also agree that your sisters response isn't important now, so try to concentrate on finding some help with your DC.

Age, you're coming across as a total twat.

BoffinMum · 28/07/2013 20:51

If you are in Addenbrookes I am near if you need TLC xx

Turniptwirl · 28/07/2013 20:52

Ages's horrible post has thankfully been deleted

Fwiw I haven't spoken to my sister for years and we don't get on at all but I would still help her in this situation if I could on any way.

Don't give her a thought for now, concentrate on dh and DC.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 28/07/2013 20:53

age I hope to god you never experience the hell the op is going through. Trolls like you are scum and hopefully mnhq will ban you to stop you posting your bile on here.

AnotherStitchInTime · 28/07/2013 20:55

Congratulations on the birth of your son.

So sorry to hear that he is unwell. Sending my prayers and thoughts to you and your family and this difficult time.

YANBU, your sister should be supporting you, I can't believe that she is being so selfish.

When my SIL was with my niece in SCBU I looked after my dd and her other 3 kids whenever she needed it, over nights and days. I slept on the floor on sofa cushions with my then 1 year old so that she could be with her baby.

CSIJanner · 28/07/2013 20:55

Age - what a fucking horrible thing to say.

OP - sending strength and no, YANBU. I would do that in a heartbeat for any of my siblings. In fact, if your children are anywhere near me, we'll look after them for you. I've been in NICU - and it's shit Flowers

josiejay · 28/07/2013 20:58

So so sorry you're going through this and that your sister is making things even harder by being so unbelievably selfish whrn you need her the most. You and your DH shouldn't be having to think about anything but your darling boy right now. I will be thinking of you and your family.

Betternc4this · 28/07/2013 21:04

I agree the OP is in an awful situation and I really hope that your baby gets stronger and pulls through.
But I cant help but think that your sister would not have gone home to her house had your DH not gone home. As you say she appeared to change her mind on your DH arriving home.

Most hospitals are geared up for these situations these days, so that dads can stay to support mum and baby. I cant imagine they wouldnt have facilitated your DH to have a shower etc and to sleep there.
Maybe your sister felt that she was staying at your house so that your DH could be with you and then when she found out he was coming home for some home comforts/facilities that she might as well do the same.
As I say I am very sorry for your situation but I just think you are being a little hard on your sister. She has looked after your DCs as soon as events unfolded and then whilst you gave birth without question presumably and now has said that as soon as required your DCs can be brought to her house at any time of day and night.

foreverondiet · 28/07/2013 21:05

Yanbu - probably need to find a friend to help and make it clear that you aren't interested in continuing your relationship with her. In these circumstances I'd pull out all stops for anyone, family or not....