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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my sister to put herself out for ONE night?

414 replies

HDEE · 28/07/2013 19:09

Typing on phone so excuse any errors

I am so angry with my sister. I am currently in a hospital 1.5 hours from home. I have been here for three weeks now as my waters broke early at 21/22 weeks and this was the nearest hospital with a suitable NICU cot.

Baby was born on Friday. He is incredibly sick. His first two nights I was called to NICU in the night as they didn't expect him to survive. Last night he suffered major bleeds to both sides of his brain. We have been told he is critical and any worsening of the bleed (very likely) will mean discussing withdrawing intensive care.

I asked my sister if she could please stay overnight at my house (she has been there through the day looking after my three year old twins and six year old) but decided shed rather go home.

This means that should I need to get my husband here, the plan now is that I phone him, he gets our children out of bed and ready to go, loads them into the car, regardless of time, then drives the 50 minutes to her house, unloads them where they have nowhere to sleep, then drives the hour journey to me.

This is fucking ridiculous. Apparently she was saying 'but I have no clean clothes to wear'. Well boo fucking hoo. I'm waiting for my two day old baby to take a turn for the worse and die at any time, and she doesn't want to be a little uncomfortable?

I am never, ever speaking to her again. Especially if my husband can't get here and I have to do all this alone.

FTR she doesn't drive. My dad lives 5 minutes from her so this morning when I needed my husband here it took him 2.5 hours from my phone call to arrival by the time they got to him, and he got here.

I suspect a large part of it is that her partner is making a fuss being left with their three children. But he doesn't work, and I need her help more :(

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 28/07/2013 20:20

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Can your dad take over and have your kids? Your DH really needs to be with you. My twins were in SCBU for 6 weeks and it was a lonely awful experience.

I hope your little one pulls through. Sending hugs.

verytellytubby · 28/07/2013 20:22

Jesus aageofgrandillusion - where's your compassion?

Coconutty · 28/07/2013 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissStrawberry · 28/07/2013 20:23

Congratulations on becoming a mummy.

HDEE, if you feel able to tell us where you are maybe a poster could help? I know I would if I am near (ex nanny).

I am so sorry your baby has come early and you are going through this huge worry.

Sparklyboots · 28/07/2013 20:23

Congratulations on the birth of your son. Sorry to hear that he is so very sick xxx It's a shame your sister has let you down so badly at this time; don't waste any more of your energy on this.

I am in London and would be pleased to help. Let me know by PM if we could organise a MN sister surrogate for the time being xxx

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 28/07/2013 20:23

What an awful situation for you. Congratulations on the birth if your son and I hope he pulls through. YANBU. You are in the worst situation and she can't be bothered to help. I am Angry on your behalf.

Chiggers · 28/07/2013 20:24

So sorry you're going through this OP Sad, but congratulations on your wee man Smile. I can't believe your sister is doing things begrudgingly when you're going through all this. Please come back and update us on how you're getting on, and how you DS is.

mynameisslimshady · 28/07/2013 20:24

Ffs age the op is clearly focusing on her little boy, she is allowed 10 minutes to vent her anger isn't she. Does it make you feel important when you are being snidey and nasty to someone going through such an awful time?

MissStrawberry · 28/07/2013 20:25

Reported your disgusting post ageofwhateverillsions.

Someone certainly is under a misillusion that anyone cares about their opinion.

saintmerryweather · 28/07/2013 20:25

spending one day with the kids then handing.them back when its imperative that the ops dh gets to her and their sick baby...thats not 'doing what she can'

Thurlow · 28/07/2013 20:26

FFS, age. Have you ever been alone in a hospital with a baby in NICU or SCBU? You are allowed to connect with the outside world. Hope you feel great about yourself.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 28/07/2013 20:27

Age?! Hope that cunt of a post made you feel better.

SirBoobAlot · 28/07/2013 20:28

Congratulations on your baby, OP.

YANBU to be upset at all.

Where are you? I'm sure there are plenty of MNers who would want to help.

Sparklyboots · 28/07/2013 20:29

The whole point of this thread is that the OP's sister has not done what she could; she only did what she felt able to do given the state of her clothing age, which is hardly stretching the bounds of the relationship. Even if you did think it the absolute limit to stay at someone's house overnight in the current circumstances, there are more gentle ways of saying so. Perhaps if you aren't feeling able to be kind to the OP in her current situation you should just not say anything at all.

diddl · 28/07/2013 20:29

I have to say though, if OP has a dad in the picture, I don't see why it should all fall to her sister who has her own family.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/07/2013 20:30

So sorry OP, hope your little boy does pull through Flowers

Your sister is a stone cold heartless bitch.

age are you for real? What is the matter with you? Are you OP's sister?

BridgetBidet · 28/07/2013 20:30

Diddl me too. I think if it's your sister you can buy a new pair of pants from the poundshop and put up with dirty clothes for a day or borrow the OPs. I have to say if that was me I would have got there myself even if it meant a Wonga loan and a taxi.

Gruffalump · 28/07/2013 20:30

One morning a week is hardly a big ask!!

CaptainUndercrackers · 28/07/2013 20:31

So sorry you and your family are going through this and praying for your little boy. Your sister certainly sounds like she could be more supportive in what is clearly a crisis situation.

Reported ages unpleasant post - there's plenty of sniping to be done elsewhere on MN, this is not the place for it.

IrisWildthyme · 28/07/2013 20:31

I'm so sorry to hear this. Wishing you and your small boy all the strength you need to get through this awful time.

I'm sure that if you are willing to divulge your location you will get a deluge of willing volunteers to help. I certainly will if you are anywhere near me, as many others above have also said. If you aren't comfortable trusting a MNer you don't know, www.emergencychildcare.co.uk can provide an emergency nanny at virtually no notice when you really need it. Could your DH register on the site just in case it's needed?

YANBU about your sister. It's really awful you couldn't rely on her when she needed you. Could her kids & DH come to stay at your house so that your DH can come and camp in the hospital with you?

Gruffalump · 28/07/2013 20:32

Age- what a nasty bitch you sound.

BridgetBidet · 28/07/2013 20:32

Yes, if you happen to be in Jessops Hospital OP let me know. I am nearby and could help even if it was just to drop in papers, do a bit of washing for you or bring you some edible food!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 28/07/2013 20:34

Oh love, hope you are holding it together, hope your baby is stable and doing as well as possible. Xxxxx

MoominsYonisAreScary · 28/07/2013 20:34

Yes let us know where you are, maybe someone will be able to help

MrsDeVere · 28/07/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.