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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About DD / Mil / Sil and the doctor

94 replies

TopsyCat · 26/07/2013 18:16

Name changed for this just in case! I genuinely don't know if I am being PFB or whether my Mil and Sil are being rude and a little bit mean. It's a little silly I'm afraid.

DD has had a nasty cold lately, it's lasted all week and she's really bunged up (if you can believe it in this weather!) and we went to see the doctor about it yesterday. All fine, but good to see the doctor for piece of mind.

Anyway, I told mil and sil about it over lunch, said all was fine and that she didn't need antibiotics. Mil then said not under her breath but very quietly 'that's a change.' And sil laughed and said 'don't mean to be rude (which is rude anyway!- topsy cat) but dd does always seem to be on antibiotics for any little thing. You seem to be going overboard.'

Ok, I have been the dr a few times lately, but once was for conjunctivitis and also it's up to the dr to give dd what she thinks is best? Surely there's nothing wrong with going to the dr when dd is sick? And anyway, it's none of mil and sil's business!!! Dd is neatly 4. Thoughts please!

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 26/07/2013 18:18

What does 'a few times' actually mean?

I'm sure you're probably not being unreasonable, but I do have a friend who massively panics and IMO overmedicates her DD for even the most minor thing.

SpiderCharlotte · 26/07/2013 18:18

Ignore them and tell them NOTHING. Hope your DD feels better soon.

YouTheCat · 26/07/2013 18:19

Personally I wouldn't take a 4 year old to the doctor for a cold unless they were displaying signs of a chest infection. Best thing for a cold is paracetamol/brufen as needed and rest.

However, your mil and sil were bloody rude.

TidyDancer · 26/07/2013 18:19

Also, unless there were related health issues, I'm not sure I'd have gone to the dr for a simple cold, so maybe they are concerned about that.

Sirzy · 26/07/2013 18:21

They shouldn't have said anything BUT some parents (and I am not saying you because I don't know specifics) do take their children to the GP for every cough and sneeze, and a lot expect antibitoics to be prescribed for everything too.

HorryIsUpduffed · 26/07/2013 18:22

A few parents I know seem to be permanently going to the doctor for what I consider very minor ailments. Now in some cases that's because of underlying conditions (eg previous heart problems, asthma, etc) that make the child more at risk and the parent more anxious than average.

But sometimes, honestly, I think "You bothered the doctor with that?!"

DS2 who is 2 has been recovering from a cold for about a fortnight. If he is suffering particularly I give him calpol or baby Tixylix at bedtime, but otherwise I help him blow his nose a zillion times a day and let him get on with his life.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 26/07/2013 18:23

Your MIL and SIL have been talking about you and discussing you and criticising you behind your back. That's not nice and you need to stop telling them so much.

However, YABU going to the doctors for a cold Smile

HorryIsUpduffed · 26/07/2013 18:23

But yes, that was a bit rude of MIL and SIL. Maybe it was a hamfisted way of saying "she will be fine, honestly, do try to relax a bit".

DeepPurple · 26/07/2013 18:25

I suppose people go to the drs though cos it is what our parents did? I was prescribed anti b's constantly as a child. DD is nearly 4 and has only has them once. I am so careful to avoid taking them now too!

A week is a long time for a 4 yo to have a cold though. I probably would take dd if she wasn't getting any better.

Tell them to keep their beak out!

Sirzy · 26/07/2013 18:26

A week isn't a long time for anyone to have a cold!

Perhaps my attitude comes from the fact my parents never took us to the GP unless we were really poorly. Somehow we survived!

ShowOfHands · 26/07/2013 18:26

They sound very rude to be muttering and laughing at you and I'm sorry they hurt your feelings.

I can't comment about the gp thing as I don't know what you took your dd in for, but this does not detract from their rude manner.

Conjunctivitis doesn't usually need a doctor btw (should your dd have it again) but if it had been going on for a couple of weeks or was unusually severe, I can understand you going. It very rarely needs antibiotics (though I do know some doctors are a bit behind in realising this and prescribe them anyway).

northernlurker · 26/07/2013 18:26

You took your child to the doctor for a cold? Because she was 'bunged up' not actually unwell? Errrr well I sympathise with mil etc tbh.

Dd1 has had abs twice I think - she's 15. Dd2 (12) has never had them till a couple of months ago when she had some as cover when she had a tooth out (she has a heart defect) and dd3 who is 6 has had them twice at least 4 years ago for an ear infection. How often has your dd actually had them?

treaclesoda · 26/07/2013 18:26

The honest answer to what you're asking is...I have no idea, and I suspect that realistically neither will anyone else.

The thing is, I have a sister who is the sort of person who insists on emergency appts with the doctor for her DC, for the slightest thing, and then pretty much refuses to leave the GPs consulting room until she gets the antibiotics that she thinks she is entitled to, her logic being that if she doesn't get antibiotics its because the Dr is neglecting his duty. Its easy to say 'a good Dr won't give them unless they are necessary' and indeed, they shouldn't, but I suspect that Drs know what patients are going to be difficult and sometimes take the easier option just to prescribe something with instructions to only take it if you feel the child is deteriorating.

I also have another sister whose child is plagued with UTIs and also needs regular antibiotics. She is the opposite and sees the antibiotics as a necessary evil, something she reluctantly has to give in order to safeguard her DCs health.

They both have a lot of antibiotics, but for very different reasons.

The problem with asking any one else if you are being reasonable or not is that only you know the details of the matter.

Having said all that, if you feel that your child needed to visit the doctor and that antibiotics were needed, then I have no reason to doubt you - after all, you came away from your most recent visit satisfied that they weren't needed. I can see why what your MIL and SIL said has annoyed you, I think it would annoy me too.

Justforlaughs · 26/07/2013 18:29

Would I have taken my DC to the GP for a cold? no!
Would i have taken my first DC to the GP with a cold that I wasn't happy about? probably.
Your mistake was to tell your ILs that you had done so and so invited a comment that you weren't happy about. Next time just don't tell them.

WhoNickedMyName · 26/07/2013 18:29

They were rude but I wouldn't have taken my DS to the doctor for a cold.

Some people do seem to whisk their DC off to the doctor for the slightest little thing, and always seem to be banging on about how ill their child is when in reality the child is running around perfectly fine with the most minor sniffles, which does make me roll my eyes tbh.

treaclesoda · 26/07/2013 18:30

But also, as others have said, tbh, it would never occur to me to take a child to the Dr with symptoms of a cold.

clam · 26/07/2013 18:30

I agree it was probably unnecessary to bother the doctor for "peace of mind" over a cold, but they were also probably rude in their response. Although at least they explained why they were exchanging glances.

CailinDana · 26/07/2013 18:30

You went to the doctor for a cold? I think the fact that you don't have to pay for the gp here makes people forget what an expensive service it is. If you had to pay 60 euros for every visit you wouldn't be so quick to waste the doctor's time.

FadedSapphire · 26/07/2013 18:33

I think the doctor would not prescribe antibiotics unless needed.
Therefore inlaws are being unreasonable.

Justforlaughs · 26/07/2013 18:34

Glad your DC is ok! OP Thanks

timidviper · 26/07/2013 18:36

Exactly what WhoNickedMyName said.

My cousin had her children at the doctors every other day from birth to about 10 years old (neither child has any health issues btw). If we paid for healthcare in this country she'd have been bankrupt!

Badvoc · 26/07/2013 18:40

They were very rude.
Gp's do not prescribe ABs unless they are needed.
Some kids are unlucky and get lots of infections when their immune system is still immature.
Hope she feels better soon x

MammaTJ · 26/07/2013 18:40

I have only ever taken one of my children to the doctor when they have had a heavy cold and that is my DD who has a small heart problem.

You really are being a bit PFB taking your child to the doctor for a cold unless there is something like that or asthma.

Having said that, doctors do not give out anti-biotics willy nilly nowadays, so when your child has been given them, they must have needed them.

Trazzletoes · 26/07/2013 18:41

Just as an aside: antibiotics would make no difference to a cold anyway, which is a virus.

SIL and MIL were rude.

Sirzy · 26/07/2013 18:41

I don't agree with that bad. DS has been prescribed antibiotics by the GP twice which when he has later ended up in a and e they have said they weren't needed.