About DD / Mil / Sil and the doctor

[TopsyCat]

Name changed for this just in case! I genuinely don't know if I am being PFB or whether my Mil and Sil are being rude and a little bit mean. It's a little silly I'm afraid.

DD has had a nasty cold lately, it's lasted all week and she's really bunged up (if you can believe it in this weather!) and we went to see the doctor about it yesterday. All fine, but good to see the doctor for piece of mind.

Anyway, I told mil and sil about it over lunch, said all was fine and that she didn't need antibiotics. Mil then said not under her breath but very quietly 'that's a change.' And sil laughed and said 'don't mean to be rude (which is rude anyway!- topsy cat) but dd does always seem to be on antibiotics for any little thing. You seem to be going overboard.'

Ok, I have been the dr a few times lately, but once was for conjunctivitis and also it's up to the dr to give dd what she thinks is best? Surely there's nothing wrong with going to the dr when dd is sick? And anyway, it's none of mil and sil's business!!! Dd is neatly 4. Thoughts please!

They were rude, but I can see where they are coming from if you bring your kid to the dr for a cold. Why would you do that?

It's a chicken and egg thing isn't it. Does the child always have antibiotics because the mum is always taking them to the dr at the tiniest thing or did the mum take the dd to the drs with a week long cold because the dd is prone to bad illnesses that only seem to shift with antibiotics.
I've got 3 dc and my third seems to have had chest infection after chest infection. I take her the drs sooner than I would have the others because she gets very ill very quickly if I leave it too long...

Sigh.
You really can't win on MN op.
You take your dc to the doc because you as a parent are concerned and you get flamed.
You don't take them and then they get really poorly and you get flamed.
Anyway, your mil and sil were very rude.

My ds2 sometimes needs steroids when he gets a cold. Ds1 fine/ds2 not with colds.
Up at docs much more with ds2.
Inlaws should butt out...

Ffs its up to you if you feel your dc are sick enough to see a dr. My definition of a cold is very different to someone else's, so who is to judge whether it was severe enough to warrant a visit (FYI I need to be in bed in bed incapable of moving before I admit I'm ill, and still won't see gp as they scare me!).
The lesson to be learned is NEVER discuss this sort of thing if you don't want someone giving their two pence worth. It will aggravate you no end. Same goes for feeding, parenting styles, potty training etc. Especially with your firstborn!

timidviper: "If we paid for healthcare in this country she'd have been bankrupt!"

If we paid for healthcare in this country, then I venture to suggest that she wouldn't have taken them half so much!

It always puzzles me when I hear on the media that doctors report patients "demanding" or "expecting" to be prescribed antibiotics unnecessarily.

Have they not heard of the MN mantra, "No is a complete sentence?"

I have a friend who is always offering her unwanted opinion [oh I bite my tongue]. DS2 had a lot of time off in nursery and nursery fine about it [chesty/ on steroids and ill]. This friend went on and on about how her kids would be at deaths door before she gave them time off. 'I'm not like you Faded'.
Grrr....

I would have said the same as your inlaws! Why would you take a child who had the cold to the doctors?!

I don't know why you'd even need to mention antibiotics if she doesn't need them. Judging by the things you've mentioned taking your child to the doctors for, I'd assume that your in laws think you're a bit if a drama queen about your child's health. If this is the case I'd probably agree with them.

Thanks for letting me know that they were rude. I'm glad I wasn't being precious about that. I got the impression that they had spoken about dd's health before. I suppose they were at least honest about what they thought. But a bit nasty in the way they said it. Mil is an old fashioned "you'll live" type when it comes illness, so I should have expected her opinion to be of that ilk.

Looks as though I'm being PFB taking Dd to the doctor though. It was a cold, nothing more, although she did have a hacking cough... I tend to over worry though and be a bit PFB - Dh and I took a very long time to conceive her and she is an only child. Mil has 7 children and Sil has 3 and is currently pregnant with twins, in comparison - not that I think they don't value their children, just that conceiving was easier for them, which they've admitted.

Fwiw dd has had antibiotics three times - once for conjunctivitis, two times for ear infections.

In laws being bitchy imo.

GP won't prescribe abs unless necessary but don't mention it to them in the future as why let them wind you up?

Ignore Topsy. You do what you feel is right for your child.

I think your MIL and SIL were rude, but I think antibiotics are sought too quickly by some parents/people and over subscribed by some doctors. If your DD has had them a few times already, maybe think about using nutrition to boost her immune system. To me, that sounds a lot. My kids do get sick but they normally recover without need for AB- 5 yr old had once, 9 yr old twice. Our GPs don't prescribe AB for conjunctivitis unless child has had it for 5-7 days btw.

Ah well, the hacking cough might have got me to the doctors with my others, not just the one with a heart problem. You should have said that before.

I am a bit 'toughen up and get on with it' though. My DC have enough appointments with real issues without me imagining the worst about small issues.

Oh - and agree - don't tell them stuff in the future, they are obviously being a bit mean! Just play bright and breezy!

I thought GPs were controlling access to other health treatments and running their own practices (financially) - perhaps I am wrong as am in Scotland - but ime GPs will not prescribe anything they don't have to as it comes from their own budgets.

My DGD's lovely mom takes her to the doctor or walk-in centre for every little ailment. This is in contrast to how I raised my DS's, as they hardly ever went to the doctors. They were rarely ill and I certainly never took them with a cold, or sickness and diaorrhea that lasted a couple of days, or little skin rashes. I am of the mindset that most things get better on their own, and if they don't after a week I might go to the doctor's.

However I would never, ever criticise my DGD's mom for being over cautious with her child's health. Yes, I think she worries unnecessarily, but I wouldn't tell her this unless she asked for my opinion. I would rather she was like this than neglectful. I think your MIL and SIL were rude and unkind.

True that antibiotics won't help a cold, but it is not unusual for a cold to develop into sinusitis/ear infection/ etc which can be treated effectively by antibiotics. I can certainly think of occasions when I or DCs have suffered miserably with a cold for a couple of weeks, eventually gone reluctantly to the doctor, been given antibiotics and recovered in 24 hours. I have never demanded them.

And your MIL and SIL are being rude - they surely don't think you take your DD to the doctor for your own amusement do they?!

Placebo effect. Antibiotics don't work in 24 hours.

My sister was saying to me the other day that its really hard to get a gp appointment these days,

Apparently you have to phone and ask get put on a call back list a docter phones you back and after talking to you decides if you need to be seen.

One would think that you wouldn't get the appointment if the dr didnt want to check it was not something a bit more concerning.

Not all GPs have that system sock, I think its a much better one personally but even then it depends on what someone says if someone exaggerates the symptoms they would want to see them even if not needed so its not foolproof but no system is.

youthecat..
really?

ds who is 7 has had ant b's 4 times. twice for tonsailities, onnce for a chest infection and another for an abces on his gum.

ds2 -4 has had them once. for tonsiliaties.

all times they have kicked in pretty quick and allthough not cured with in 24 hours but they deff feel better.

The comments your ILs made were rude but at least they said it to your face instead of behind your back!

I admit taking anyone to the dr over a cold is very ott unless there is a serious health/immune system issue that means even a cold can quickly become something much more detrimental. Ok your dd had a hacking cough,they tend to go hand in hand with colds so its still not much of a concern unless she was becoming wheezy or coughing up a lot of phlem with it,if that was the case then yes-i would of taken my own dd to see a dr after quite a few days of it,but Ithen again 'm seriously asthmatic so she's at high risk of getting it too and have been told before that I will need to keep an eye on her breathing in general especially if she gets ill. In general I rarely take my dd to see a dr unless I really feel there is something really wrong and may require treatment,I'm not really much of a worrier though (dd is almost 4 and is my first born).

My MIL on the other hand has had 6 kids (oldest now 27,youngest 9) and she has always taken each and every one of them to see a dr over the slightest little thing-coughs,colds,ear ache,belly ache you name it! She doesn't wait a few days or anything either,if one of them wakes up complaining of stomach ache or a headache she's straight on the phone and demanding an emergency apt with a gp! Problem is that she's such a regular that all the gps at her surgery will just prescribe meds regardless of whether they're actually needed or not,also in part down to the fact she kicks off and argues everytime she gets the response of "X is fine,its just a basic ABC.." Or "give it a few days and if no improvement or gets worse them come back"... Needless to say everytime she mentions the drs she's met with a lot of eye rolling and sarky "what was it this time?" Responses...she's since stopped going to the gp so often now that a few of us have told her she's being ridiculous and far too paranoid and a complete hypocondriact (sp?)! now we just need to drum it into her that kids don't need time off school for a headache or tummy ache!

Perhaps just stop telling or talking to your ILs about any drs trips or illnesses regarding your dd to avoid anymore eye rolling and snide comments in future?

Yes, you'll begin to feel better. Sometimes that's because you are on the mend anyway. Sometimes that's because of the antibiotics being the right ones for the infection. But you won't be fully recovered in 24 hours unless you were already getting better anyway in which case antibiotics weren't necessary in the first place. Most mild infections the body will cope with itself unless there are underlying health reasons. If that wasn't the case then pre-antibiotics, everyone would have died, because I'd bet that everyone has had an infection at some point in their lives.

OP doesn't sound like her dd is being over-prescribed antibiotics anyway. She does sound like she has very rude ils though.