To have confronted this poor excuse for a mother?

[TeddyPickleStick]

So I'm sat at work, window open. I hear a commotion outside so get up and look out the window. There is a heavily pregnant woman with two small children - a boy of around 3 and a girl of maybe 4.

She is screaming at the boy .. ' you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing? ' and ' Come on you little prick ' etc etc.

I shout down ' Don't do that! Don't say that! ' in complete shock. ' Who the fuck are you? Fuck off ' she shouts back.

I then deliberated on what to do. I felt really angry so ran down the stairs onto the street but she had gone into the bank. And then I ground to a halt and couldn't work out what to do.

So did nothing more. I mean, what CAN you do? Only a bit of swearing after all eh? I have no idea what I would have done if I'd managed to confront her anyway.

I detest this, really hate it. If you swear at your children like this, in the street, then you are a shit parent.

Aren't you?

[Owllady]

a lady in Cannock? are you sure?

[LookingForwardToMarch]

Yeyyy Pramela

[PramelaAftersun]

You've basically said that SS staff are useless AND made a personal slur on this poster as well.

Not quite in the same league as telling a poster to 'fuck off', though, is it. Lady? Have you reprimanded them for being 'highly unpleasant'?

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

theres nothing wrong with saying that Res

Theres something wrong in saying " I know she is a shit parent. All the time"

Because that cannot be true. You cannot know that.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

ResNulis, no one has said the behaviour was OK. People are just pointing out the jumping to conclusions the OP was doing in saying that this behaviour was 'the norm' for this woman and that 'She was just horrible.' (not to mention 'And sadly....having another one.'), which is one of the most spiteful things I've read in a while.

But I'm going now. There are a lot of people repeating the same things over and over and other posters probably deliberately misunderstanding. Enough is enough.

[AndWhenYouGetThere]

Yellow Please please report it. For the sake of the 4 year old.
No other reason (your own baby, your pregnancy, your husband) should be put above the safety of that little one.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

what the actual fuck does working for SS have to do with anything pramela?

AFAIK that still doesnt give you the skill to diagnose abuse based on 10 second account from another person.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Right, before I go properly:

Pramela, I don't care about the 'fuck off'. Neither did the OP.

Working for SS still doesn't mean that you can (with thanks to Tantrums for the highly articulate wording here) diagnose emotional evidence at second hand on an internet forum, or adequately judge the capability of an anonymous poster and the entire Social Services.

[PramelaAftersun]

I didn't pretend to be able to diagnose abuse from anecdotal evidence. I claimed to know and despise the bleeding heart ideology entrenched in the SS.

[arabesque]

I think you're being quite patronising MrsDevere. Most of us can tell the difference between a bit of stressed out but meaningless swearing at children and aggressive verbal abuse of children.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

what is quite evidently appalling emotional abuse*

Those are your words pramela

[dollywobbles]

I work in Child Protection, and I know there are far, far, worse things going on every day.

I'm not so distanced from what is generally accepted as being 'good parenting' though, to think that shouting 'you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing?' at a child is ok.

It's not ok and it's not 'self righteous' of people to think that.

[ResNulis]

I accept that completely, Tantrums, but so much of this thread has been the usual "you can't know what sort of a day she was having" tirade, that I finally decided to come out and say my piece.

And to be outright honest, I think most people witnessing the (described) event would have thought that it was dreadful behaviour from a poor excuse for a parent. Whether that means she is always a poor excuse for a parent is another matter, but she is being judged by her actions, and every man jack of us is judged by our actions in this life....unless it happens to be on MN where someone is bound to say that no-one can know what the pressures were on the poor dear.

I am a survivor of abuse. The fact of the matter is that what other people are allowed to witness is often only the tip of the iceberg.
But hey, the mother was having a bad day.

[madoldbird]

Well either the heat's getting to you all, or is it the anxious wait for the Baby Cambridge name that's got all of you in a dither?

Either way, it's providing good work avoidance fodder

[Tanith]

I once read an article by a journalist where she admitted, to her distress and shame, to having grasped her daughter by the throat and screamed at her in the supermarket: the climax of a truly awful day and she was at the end of her tether.
She commented that witnesses just tutted and judged and her point was that most people are too selfish to try and see past the incident. It's much easier to just sit in judgement.
She needed help that day and no-one cared enough to give it.

So, Op, apart from shouting out of the window, running down the stairs and standing gaping in the street, what will you do to help prevent child abuse? My guess is you have a long way to go before you match MrsDV's efforts.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Judged by their actions, yes. Their actions at that time

As in, her behaviour at that time was horrible.
Not that she is a shit parent all day every day.

[fromparistoberlin]

"But it really was just a few seconds out of their lives.

Mrs DeVere I am sorry but I dont agree. I am no angel, I shout and I swear and have veen been know to hit . not proud

But I am 99.99% sure this lady aint mother of the year , and I bet she is worse behing closed doors

[fromparistoberlin]

I once lost it with DSs, we were coming back from park and they refused to walk, so I had to carry both and 2 scooters

I was screaming at them in the street and in the end I carried DS2 like a plank (he is heavy!), and I was not gentle

I got some FUNNY looks from people, and later I was mortified and ashamed. But even at my worse I dont think I would call them a "fucking piece of shit", and I have anger management ishoos!

and I am having counselling and since then, no anger! at least not w kids

[piprabbit]

fromparis then, by your own admission, you are what the OP describes as a 'shit parent'.

[fromparistoberlin]

maybe, maybe not

But I think there is a difference between losing your temper, and abusive language.

but hey opinions are like arseholes

ANG I think OP was right to call this lady on it

I called myself on my own behaviour, and I am glad I did

[fromparistoberlin]

what I was trying to say is that on that day, when I behaved so disgustingly if someone had called me on it I would have been mortified

and whether they are abusive or just having a shit day, I think in a good society people should call each other on bad behaviour, and be brave and courteous but say something

gavel

[TeddyPickleStick]

What will I do to prevent child abuse tanith?! I'm not on a crusade here you know. I don't work in child protection. Part of the reason for posting is just how impotent I felt. I wanted to follow her round bloody town and then home so I had her address for a mad moment.

I did as much as I could. I think. Maybe not. What else could I have done? Caused a scene in the bank where she was when I got downstairs and out into the street? Probably not.

Abuse of any kind sickens me. I know the difference between abuse and losing your rag.

Another thing that sickens me are abuse apologists. Judging by this thread - there's a few out there.

And to pick me up on a throwaway line where I said I knew that this wasn't a one off .... Why do that? It's not the main thrust of the thread is it? You can bang on and on about that but it's not what I wanted to say really. Hey, for all I know, she's an angel at home. But I doubt that

[Whothefuckfarted]

If a mother is willing to scream abuse at her children in the middle of the street like that in plain sight who knows what she's willing to do behind closed doors.

YWNBU.

[fromparistoberlin]

its really upsetting OP

look fuck the thread, hide it. arguing with strangers on a web forum wont do anything

but I think we should all keep our eyes and eays open and not "walk on by"

I am obssessed by the story around Daniel Pelka and I keep wondering why noone fucking called them on their behaviour

so, HIDE thread and focus your energy elsewhere if its bugging you

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

But no one disagreed with your opinion that her behaviour was horrible. Not one person said its ok to talk to your children like that.

People did disagree with your apparent absolute knowledge that she was a shit parent. For the very simple reason that you cant know that.

You pretty much admitted that part of your judgement was based on how she looked as well.

And, to me, that's wrong. You cannot look at a person for literally seconds and believe you have her all figured out.

I was 19 when dd was born. She is mixed race. People assumed just by looking at me that I was a single mum on benefits when in fact I was engaged and working full time.

Snap judgments are wrong. Yes, judge the behaviour at the time. Not the persons entire life.