To have confronted this poor excuse for a mother?

[TeddyPickleStick]

So I'm sat at work, window open. I hear a commotion outside so get up and look out the window. There is a heavily pregnant woman with two small children - a boy of around 3 and a girl of maybe 4.

She is screaming at the boy .. ' you fucking piece of shit, what the fuck are you doing? ' and ' Come on you little prick ' etc etc.

I shout down ' Don't do that! Don't say that! ' in complete shock. ' Who the fuck are you? Fuck off ' she shouts back.

I then deliberated on what to do. I felt really angry so ran down the stairs onto the street but she had gone into the bank. And then I ground to a halt and couldn't work out what to do.

So did nothing more. I mean, what CAN you do? Only a bit of swearing after all eh? I have no idea what I would have done if I'd managed to confront her anyway.

I detest this, really hate it. If you swear at your children like this, in the street, then you are a shit parent.

Aren't you?

[libertine73]

yellow I think your dh talking to her dh is a terrible idea. if you do that and it gets so bad you do call as they will definitely know it's come from you. next time you hear it, phone ss PLEASE. if something terrible were to happen you would never forgive yourself,I know it's hard, I've done it myself, but you must.

[fromparistoberlin]

what confuses me is how grey it all is

often people say that once SSS are involved it can become a cascade of intervertions and can ruin lives, and I believe them. But why were they involved in the first place

and yet, despite often good efforts tragedies occur

so "good" parents are penalised unfairly
and bad parents are left to harm kids

sounds to me like there is some poor management and prioritising across the board

basically, we need more good Foster carers , ha! easy to say

[coco87]

This is Mumsnet, so you will be told not to judge.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

Well done for saying something. At the very least, those children know now that her extreme behaviour (whether a one off or an every day occurrence) is wrong and should be challenged.

[redfairy]

Perhaps heavily pregnant mum of two under fives in a heatwave might have appreciated an offer of help rather than recrimination?

[spotscotch]

Of course you cannot know that a woman who shouts 'you fucking piece of shit' at her 3 year old, is a bad parent in other aspects of life.

But lets face it, a smidgen of common sense will tell you that the chances that this woman is a model parent who doesn't even utter the word 'bum' in front of her kids normally, are well, verging on zero.

But hey, maybe she was just having a bad day, we've all been there eh

[fromparistoberlin]

It all boils down to money

money for foster carers
money for training
money to allow time for proper mentoring
money to allow a more fit for purpose review, and redesign of the system

sigh

but its so sad that efforts are being mispent, there is always waste in life but this is tragic waste

[spotscotch]

Perhaps heavily pregnant mum of two under fives in a heatwave might have appreciated an offer of help rather than recrimination?

OMG it's classic Mumsnet response! Perhaps the OP could have given her a bit of help as to what other choice swear words she could have hollered at her son?

[MumnGran]

" Because who on here would fancy strangers coming to your house and questioning you on every aspect of your life "

As a young mum, I knew a girl who felt like this about HVs. She saw them as an absolute intrusion into her life, and that her baby was no one's business but her own.
My view then is the same as now.....I don't care how many people want to call and check children, if that system is finding and protecting children who are not being cared for. I don't care how many parents are called on, and have to justify having a bad day, if it prevents one of those children suffering endlessly out of public gaze.
I admit my view is coloured. I was abused as a child. I was a new parent when the Maria Colwell case hit the headlines. And I watched the Baby P case with growing horror that we are still unable to truly protect children. All children.

True protection has to start with zero tolerance because children have no voice.

[arabesque]

What help exactly redfairy?

[cushtie335]

A few years ago me and DH were in a shopping centre on the outskirts of town. A woman with 3 kids, one in a buggy and 2 others who were both under 5 was calling all 3 of them disgusting names but particularly her daughter who could only have been 4 years old at most. She kept saying to her "Amy, you're nothing but a cunt, why are you such a cunt Amy". My DH was horrified (so was I obviously) and he said to her "steady on, there's no need for that" and got a mouthful of the worst abuse I think I've ever heard. We felt completely useless and heart sorry for the children. Three years on and I still think about them and wish there was something I could have done.

[fromparistoberlin]

"Perhaps the OP could have given her a bit of help as to what other choice swear words she could have hollered at her son?





Maria Colwell, yes that was the case when the neighbour "did not want to interfere"

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Funny thing is, whilst everyone gets lost in the subtext, the child is forgotten...

[JassyRadlett]

I am a bleeding heart liberal and I think that what the woman OP saw did was unacceptable, inexcusable and unquestionably poor parenting. Don't conflate those two, it's inaccurate and boring.

If those things were screamed by an adult at another adult, in the home or in the workplace or on the street, it would be decried as abuse. If a poster's partner screamed them at her in the home, most people I've seen would rightly call it abuse and many would tell the poster to leave the relationship. But when it's directed at a child it's a 'snapshot'.

To me, the power differential between adult and child is infinitely greater and therefore the abuse is infinitely more damaging and unacceptable.

If this behaviour happened in the workplace, it would be a disciplinary matter. Wherever it happens it's verbal abuse and there are no excuses. Certainly not heat or hormones.

I'm not perfect. I lose my temper, including with my kid. But there is a huge difference between losing one's patience and losing control, just as there is a difference between swearing in front of/at your kid and directing foul vitriolic abuse at them. The parent's job is to maintain that control, because if they don't who's to say where it stops? If this woman's 'meltdown' or loss of control had manifested itself as a beating instead of a verbal tirade, I suspect many people here would have seen it as much more cut and dried.

I have no idea what goes on in the rest of her life any more than the OP does. But I don't think there is any reason or excuse that doesn't make that incident appalling and damaging parenting.

[KirjavaTheCat]

How many times does someone have to say they don't find what the mother did acceptable?

Yanbu OP, it was awful.

However YABU for assuming you know everything from her appearance (you just knew) and the minute or so of awful behaviour you witnessed of hers. That's it.

[GameSetAndMatch]

and Kate said all parents have this feeling or whatever she said about her baby.

erm. no they dont, not people like THIS.

no loving caring parent would talk like that to their kids.

yes i get mad at DC sometimes but NEVER put them down or speak like that.

[spotscotch]

If you heard someone racially abusing another person would you not make the assumption that they were a horrible racist? Or would you think 'oh well, mustn't judge on a one minute snapshot, it is quite possible that they are really open minded and kind normally'.

[spotscotch]

But mrsdv we are not talking about a young mum, who perhaps has a mixed race child or whatever. Anyone who judges someone just on that is a bloody idiot. We are tAlking about someone who verbally abused their very young son in public.