If you or your DH are on approx 60k, how 'dedicated' are you/they to their job?

[tory79]

DH earns just over 60k, in a senior role in a small company. I am a SAHM now.

DH is, and always has been, a grafter, very dedicated, never takes time off sick, puts in loads of extra hours...... but as I sit here for the millionth evening on mn, while he sits and works on his laptop, I can't help but think yes, he earns good money, but is it really worth all the time he puts in? Does he do waaaay more than other people in this kind of role or on this kind of money, or is this normal and expected?

Eg he is ALWAYS checking his emails, ALWAYS answers his phone, whether we are eating, if he's in the middle of bedtime with ds, when we were on our honeymoon or otherwise on holiday...... he spends most evenings working at least a bit, and time at weekends too. He has a lot of travelling time, spends a lot of time in the car, which I know eats in to his working day, but it just feels like he is working ALL THE TIME.

I know he is paranoid about his job and being the only earner, but to be honest, it feels at times like he thinks he is earning 100k+ or something.

How dedicated? VERY...

I'm on around 80k (freelance). I'm currently on a contract that requires around 90 hours a week. I start at 6am. Finish around 9pm, 6 days a week. I always answer my phone/emails.

I also love my job.

My dh is a high flyer and works very hard. He loves his job and if he wasn't putting I. The hours he would be doing something else, he is a type a personality and does everything to the nth degree.

Perhaps you might get a job to see if that balances things for you both?

I work 3 days and its perfect for us.

My dh and I are in it, on a bit more each & all the above sounds very familiar & normal.

Ikwym my dh earns a good salary but also puts in a ridiculous amount of hours each week. On top of 10+ hours in the office he is constantly working answering emails etc and rarely stops until after 11. I think that it's the price you pay for the high renumeration.

What industry is he in? Is he answering calls at weird times because the caller is in the middle of their working day? I only earn 48 k and do quite a lot of stuff out of work hours but I choose to do it that way rather than do more at work....I like to spread things out. Is he choosing to do this or does he genuinely have little choice?

Mine is on 60k. Doesn't do anywhere near that. I would say he works 8-6 most days, weekends off except in exceptional circumstances.

Extremely. I also think there is a pressure when the partner is a SAHP and the high earner knows they are responsible for everything financially. They know there is no fall back position if they lose their job-this is turn is likely to make them work even harder.
maybe I am imagining it but your view if your husband seems a bit 'sneery' in your last sentence? Do you appreciate his efforts or perhaps feel as if your efforts are unappreciated?

I earn a lot more (not bragging, just giving pic), and work flex hours for dd childcare. I do not answer phone at important times (dd bedtime, meals, holidays). I will keep an eye on emails but only reply if urgent. Always feel people not that effective with their time if they cannot do their job in their work hours (bar emergencies)

DH earns way more than me, and is on his phone a bit more, will get calls in the evening frm the US but still I'd say only once a week at most, and he will not drop everything for them. Weekends are free, holidays might have the odd email at worst.

If either of us had done this over honeymoon I think we'd have some serious thinking to do about priorities. There is always cover at the office when on leave, there has to be, it is stupid to run a company that depends too heavily on individuals.

My dh earns 60k. Gets in for 9 and usually leaves at 5.30.

Works probably 2/7 evenings and sometimes a few hours at the weekend.

Never interfers with putting kids to bed taking calls, emails etc. If we are on holiday then his blackberry would stay at home.

I'm on that and TBH not that dedicated. I will work a bit extra if I really hsve to, but prefer to get the job done during normal working hours and have ogher things to do. That said i have no interest in moving up the corporate ladder-I have been more senior than I am now and really can't be arsed.

I don't think it's about money it's about attitude. My dh and my friend both do the same job. Dh earns a little more due to experience and is slightly more senior. He works 9-4 mon-fri and the odd hour here and there in the evening. She works 8-5 mon-fri and three full evenings at home. Dh is doing far better than she is despite her greater "dedication" because he manages his time far better and has a chance to relax. No job is worth giving all your time to, no matter how well paid.

70k myself. Love my job, work my arse off, but have lines. Work once a week in the evening for a couple of hours as required, more if there's a massive emergency on, but by definition massive emergencies only happen every few months. As for weekends, virtually never. However DH on half that, works regularly several evenings a week until nearly midnight, always almost works on a Sunday evening. The difference is I work for a small company on the senior management team and get to set my own workload, he works for a massive outsourcing company who don't employ enough people in his function. It feels massively unfair TBH. Situation will change though when he becomes a SAHD and doubtless I'll be more anxious at making sure my income is completely dead certain and under no threat.

I'm on 100k and go through stages of working very long hours (think until 2am most days) and weekends and then other periods finishing at 6pm and no need to check emails etc. When it's busy I am expected to do the work no matter of finish time. Have got flexibility though to work one day a week from home and can also work from home in the evenings rather than the office so I can do bath time etc and then log back on. I do enjoy my job and get satisfaction from it. It is very competitive though and highly stressed sometimes which isn't always so great!

When you're dedicated to a job, it almost becomes a hobby. However, there should be some control, eg not answering the phone during meal times or bedtime. That's self control not pressure of work.

The problem could be that it's a small firm and so much of the responsibility that could be allocated across a range of managers in a larger firm, all comes his way. There may not be any other contact points or people to delegate to.

Otherwise it does sound a little excessive.

The amount of time he's putting in I'd expect him to be in a large financial/legal/consulting firm where those hours and accessibility are expected.
I'm in the bracket you mention at the bottom and never read e-mails once I've left the office and very very rarely work from home. Things that seem absolutely urgent very rarely are and being reachable at all hours encourages that behaviour.
You can probably gauge whether he's being inefficient as well, or just that he's extremely diligent. As a manager encourage him to develop his delegation skills rather than micro managing.

The trick is to only get worried about something if it's actually going to still be important in a year's time (at least that's how I deal with it...).

Good luck

My DH does strict 8-5 unless he's travelling. Never takes a call outwith those times unless it's a crisis and he's been told to expect a call. Occasionally checks his emails on the Sunday night after he's been on holiday but this is simply to clear out the crap/junk mail so he starts back with just work-related stuff in his in-box. I quite admire him for being so ruthless about doing this, and everyone at his work knows there's no point trying to contact him out of work.

Callindana, sadly your dh could be doing better than your friend, paywise, because he's male.

I'm on £60k plus bonus. I've regularly worked late and working beyond midnight is not uncommon. I try not work at weekends but again, not uncommon. I rarely take sick leave ( and have to be at deaths door to do so) Travel is part of my job and I'm expected to work if possible while travelling ( public transport).

I do tend to take holidays in remote parts of the world so no-one can contact me though and i never take my work phone. i have separate mobiles for personal/ work. I don't answer my phone at dinner and tend to turn it off after 7 unless I know I need to talk to someone but has to be important ( last week, was on phone until 11.30pm with clients but that is unusual) - but this is dependent upon the sector. For me, evenings and weekends are more likely to be paperwork rather than interactions ifswim.

I do think that your DH is probably taking it a bit far - I'm a grafter but wouldn't take phone on honeymoon nor interrupt dinner/ bedtime stories - people do leave voicemails/ emails. On the other hand, if he is the main contact in a small company, he may not have anyone else to delegate to.

Sigh, he's on the phone again! No its not because its people from abroad, its his boss who thinks its acceptable to call him at any time of day or night, and then continue to call/text if he doesn't get an immediate response.

Sleepyhead, no, not sneery, just frustrated really. I think it often feels like family is waaaaaay down the priority list!

Nilby our plan is that I will stay off work until we've had another child and that child is maybe 2/3 depending on the childcare situation. I would kind of like to go back to work p/t, but DH's hours are so erratic that it would be very hard to manage, as I would still be responsible for all things child related and probably all the housework/cooking etc too

We are both very dedicated however since having DD have managed our time better so we aren't working as many hours. There are still times when there are emergencies and DP needs to stay late at work, my days tend to be fixed in terms of start and finish time however the hours are l

Additionally, we have certain times where no work interference is allowed e.g putting DD to bed, date night once per week.

I earn more than that and do controlled hours, never weekends. Ditto DH. Depends a lot on the sector, I think. Also depends on level of ambition, as mentioned by a previous poster.

I think he needs to judge what's crucial and what can wait til morning

That should say hours are long

DH earns £120k plus bonus.

He works hard,outnofnthenhouse by 6.45am and home never earlier than 7.30am. However it is not his own business, and so he is certainly not married to the job. Yes to checking emails all the time though. We do get our evenings together though, supper and then watch some tv.

Before I gave up work to have children (29), I was on just over £50k and worked 9 to 5, and never, not once, worked at weekends.

I would say that your DH is being excessive. £60k, at least in London terms, is really not worth anywhere near that level of commitment.