If you or your DH are on approx 60k, how 'dedicated' are you/they to their job?

[tory79]

DH earns just over 60k, in a senior role in a small company. I am a SAHM now.

DH is, and always has been, a grafter, very dedicated, never takes time off sick, puts in loads of extra hours...... but as I sit here for the millionth evening on mn, while he sits and works on his laptop, I can't help but think yes, he earns good money, but is it really worth all the time he puts in? Does he do waaaay more than other people in this kind of role or on this kind of money, or is this normal and expected?

Eg he is ALWAYS checking his emails, ALWAYS answers his phone, whether we are eating, if he's in the middle of bedtime with ds, when we were on our honeymoon or otherwise on holiday...... he spends most evenings working at least a bit, and time at weekends too. He has a lot of travelling time, spends a lot of time in the car, which I know eats in to his working day, but it just feels like he is working ALL THE TIME.

I know he is paranoid about his job and being the only earner, but to be honest, it feels at times like he thinks he is earning 100k+ or something.

DH is working now, and will until midnight ish, because he has a proposal to finish.

I earn a bit less, am lying on the sofa MNetting and watching An Officer and a Gentleman, bit only because it is the last day of term. Yay!!! Otherwise I'd be working now too...

Sorry,I meant never home before 7.30pm

Well without wanting to get into the money side of things, to does sound like your Dh is putting in more than he is being remunerated for...and his boss is taking the piss?!

All the child stuff s to me...kids are sick, I take time off, never dh, his job is worth way more than mine!

I don't think it's about money TBH, I think it's more dedication, commitment and work ethic. OH is a consultant (surgical) and so on a little more Than that, but he is motivated by an ethos of excellent patient care.

He leaves at 7am, is rarely back home before 8pm, has on calls, takes calls at night, and often pops in to review patients at weekends. He simply wants to be sure his patients are looked after as well as I or anyone else he cares about would be if admitted to hospital.

I also think there is a big drive to be the very best at what you do.

If this helps, I was on a job which was just over half of what I earn now and immediately moved when the FD demanded responses to budget emails sent at 10pm on a Saturday night for 8am Sunday morning. Some of it's about culture of the organisation your DP works for - there are some truly toxic working environments out there, and it sounds like he's in one - and some of it is about what your DP feels he has to do to get the job done, which could be managed differently as other responses have suggested. But if he's as workaholicy as I was in the job I mention in this post, I would have responded very defensively, I had to work it out for myself iyswim.

Totally agree with you Monty DP is a cardiologist and he would work every hour of the day if he could. He adores the job and would do anything to help anyone.

I freely admit that it's hard sometimes, I have a good job but if dd is ill it's always me who takes the time off because people won't die if I don't go to work

I am on around that and .the whole culture is not work, iykwim. Always available for calls, always on bberry, working weekends to catch up, deployed on projects miles away so always on the train.

If you spoke to me 6 months ago I would have said it was fine, but after 6 months of frankly insane levels of work and pressure I have cracked and am signed off sick with severe stress. So it takes its toll. And I am now scared stiff about going back and working at that level again. Quite simply I felt towards the end as if I was going mad. Inability to sleep and getting the shakes. But it is the culture to work like that now.

The whole culture is to never stop working I meant to say.

Dh earns above 60k and leaves 645 ges back at 7. Is always on his bb....but doesn't often work outside these hours and has weekends off kind of I too am sahm

DP runs his own business. He works till 7 ish every night, sometimes later. Some weekends, doesn't take 4 weeks of holidays. Brings work home, I do some for him when I can. He holds a large responsibility towards his staff, worries more about them on the odd occasion things haven't gone well, and treats then really well, and yes, they would agree.

LeGavrOf I went from an insane job, to a better one on more money, and got headhunted to one just like yours. Hated it, left by mutual agreement after 18 months (I live in SE, it was in NE, should have not believed their lies story that it would be home based much of the time) before finding my current job after a year of freelancing. It's totally possible to change your situation. I got very demoralised by the double standards around what hours my boss worked and what I was expected to work to do the job. Even though the paycut was 10k I'm way better off as I was paying personally for a lot of the travel and my quality of life is impossibly better (think 16 minute commute by train against traffic). You really can make it different with some thinking and making the most of your networks. Good luck, it sounds utterly shit and you sound demoralised - not good for something that should only take up 1/3 of your life.

It depends on the firm culture. When I was on around 60k earlier in my career, I was similar - working all hours and very dedicated. Now I'm at another place, more senior and on more money, I don't work consistently as hard. Sometimes I am working absolutely all hours, but other times I work fairly standard office hours and am not constantly on my BB.

It did take over, I was working in London (live in Gloucester) so getting the train at just gone 5, getting back at around 9. Plus a load of other shite to manage so working on the train both ways, panicking all the time. I have worked hard for my whole career, nearly 20 years of various work environments and have never experienced anything like it. Got to the point that on Friday night I would be frightened at the thought of Monday morning. I am simply too down to think of looking for another job as I can't imagine that anyone would want me. Thank you for your kind words though (and sorry for OP for the hijack).

I earn more than that it is my own business that legally has to offer 24/7 service I freely admit it is my second child and there are occasions when I have to put it before the first child. But DD does understand it is responsible for our standard of living plus she lives coming with me.

Yep sorry OP but LeGavrOrf you sound very dedicated - don't give up on thinking your skills would be much better utilised and appreciated elsewhere

DH is on that-works shifts and has a huge amount of responsibility when at work (works for transport infrastructure-deals with major incidents coordinating emergency services etc). However when he's not at work he may occasionally make phone calls/probably checks his bb once a day to keep track of emails (as all his colleagues are on shifts emails often get sent at really funny times).

Lots of pros-and some cons. He spends loads of time with me and DS in the daytime, his job is flexible, mine isn't (although I get lots of holiday, I have no choice about it!) the night shifts are an absolute arse, trying to keep a toddler quiet, and he works 2 weekends out of 7, which can get a bit lonely. However overall I don't feel like his work expect too much from him.

Dh on about that - dedicated in that he works hard when he's there but does 9-5.30 only, takes time off when the DCs are ill, always goes to their sports days/ christmas plays.

I'm on a third of that and work evenings till midnight and a few hours at weekends and have to so special pleading when I need time off for ill children.

Depends on the sector/ role.

Having said that I'm looking to move as my work eats my family life.

Dh is like this. I've never known him be off sick in ten years, not a single day.

He'll stop and answer his phone half way down a piste on holiday. Works long hours in the evening when he needs to (quite a few nights per week), travels abroad a lot.

On the bright side he does seem to enjoy his job.

I would say it depends more on the individual and who they work for than how much they earn.

My partner earns over double that, and by his own admission, doesn't work very hard. Works 9.30am -6pm, never checks emails or answers work calls in evenings/weekends, breaks up his day pissing around on Internet. Often says "I've already earned enough this month (ie invoices have come in) so I'm taking t easy for the rest of the month". He's self employed though, so up to him. You would hope someone who was salaried wouldn't take that attitude.

On other hand, I have a friend who is a solicitor and works for a firm who want blood, sweat and tears. She turned up to her partners 30th birthday about 2 hours late and only stayed an hour as her firm expected her to meet some important deadlines. She was in tears that night, she was also about 7 months pregnant. She was working all day everyday til after midnight.

It's a bit depressing sometimes isn't it Paintyourbox? I occasionally wonder if in fact I would get as much attention if I was ill as his patients would!

Can't complain too much though, I went into it with my eyes open. Definitely prefer it to the idea of him coming home and not giving a monkeys what happens to his patients :)

Dh earns just below that, around 58k, (euro though). He has a civil service job, and frankly he doesn't work that hard. It's all about time served and seniority where he is.

I earn 10k less in the private sector and have much more responsibility and accountability.

DH is dedicated, but would draw the line at vacation and especially honeymoon! He isn't a slave to his work.

My sis is on more than that, and she does bugger all in the evenings, usually, because that is time to be with her kids.
She is very organised though. Most people I know who are high earners dont work all the time. They work smart, manage their time well, and know how to delegate.

DH is on that salary - if he's on the phone at home and I need him then I let him know about it, I don't care who he's on the phone to!

As far as I'm concerned when he's at home with his family then he's not at work - if he has work to do (phone calls and emails) then he needs to do it at work.

It completely depends on job and culture. When I left 'proper' employment I would have been on around 50k full time equivalent. I only worked 3 days a week and found it incredibly stressful. I once answered a call on a day off whe DS was having his hid cut, to listed to a senior person screaming that she couldn't hear me so could I kindly stop what I was doing and get to somewhere where she could fucking hear me!

DP is in an international business which of course brings its own pressure. And he's short staffed just now so doing more than he should/wants to. But we're both used to a 24/7 culture - that's the job and that's what you sign up to, in our opinions.