If you or your DH are on approx 60k, how 'dedicated' are you/they to their job?

[tory79]

DH earns just over 60k, in a senior role in a small company. I am a SAHM now.

DH is, and always has been, a grafter, very dedicated, never takes time off sick, puts in loads of extra hours...... but as I sit here for the millionth evening on mn, while he sits and works on his laptop, I can't help but think yes, he earns good money, but is it really worth all the time he puts in? Does he do waaaay more than other people in this kind of role or on this kind of money, or is this normal and expected?

Eg he is ALWAYS checking his emails, ALWAYS answers his phone, whether we are eating, if he's in the middle of bedtime with ds, when we were on our honeymoon or otherwise on holiday...... he spends most evenings working at least a bit, and time at weekends too. He has a lot of travelling time, spends a lot of time in the car, which I know eats in to his working day, but it just feels like he is working ALL THE TIME.

I know he is paranoid about his job and being the only earner, but to be honest, it feels at times like he thinks he is earning 100k+ or something.

DW is on 120k and works 8-6(ish) , 4 days a week. Checks emails 1st thing about 06:30 then again at about 9 in the evening.
Never checks emails or does anything work related on Fri / Sat / Sun.
Within work hours she grafts like no ones business but family time is just that.

My dh is s

hours worked are sod all to do with productivity unless you are on an assembly line. The attitude that spending longer at your desk means you are worth more is what is wrong with many of our dumb management.

work smarter, not harder is a stupid cliche, but the underlying idea is sound.

60k is a lot of money, but the holidays are part of the package. When he is on leave he should not do any work or he is giving free labour to the company. If he is that indispensable there is an organisational problem. If he cannot delegate or there is no-one to delegate to, that is also a problem.

he appears to value the job more than his family. It is time for a discussion.

There's too many variables!! If there's a culture in the office of always being available then it can be very, very hard to swim against the tide. Your DP could talk to his boss and try to set some boundaries but that could be hard at this stage.

He prob dies feel the pressure being the only earner.

It sounds excessive to me. I earn a fair bit more and I have trained myself not to check my blackberry constantly as it can become a bit of a dangerous habit. Sometimes I work long hours, sometimes I work on weekends or holidays. However, usually on the weekend I will check my emails before I head out with the children deal with anything that genuinely needs sorting then leave my blackberry at home so I can't be tempted to check it. In the evenings I probably check my blackberry when the children go to bed and again before I go to bed and that's it. I leave it in my bag or put it in another room.

His work environment sounds toxic and he has to be a bit careful of creating the impression that he will be available at all times. If he can, he needs to get into the habit of not responding immediately to each email even if he has to set a 10 minute timer at first .

I prefer not to say what I earn. But I have put the same kind of extra hours in when I was on a third of current salary (start of career with same company). It can be about personality more than demands of job.

DH is on a pretty high salary (I'm honestly not sure of the exact figure because our finances are still separate - we only married a year ago). He works in investment for a big bank and is usually in work for 7:30am, leaving at 5 (or later if need be). He works very, very hard and during busy periods will work evenings and weekends. He has his Blackberry on all the time and I hate him having to answer a call or email at 10pm on a Friday night but I know he's worked very hard to get to where he is, so I don't judge. If we're going out for dinner or to the cinema, he either leaves his phone at home or turns it off and gives it to me to keep in my bag.

I, on the other hand, earn about £13,000 and have often worked 12 hour days (at least). But my salary is a stipend for doing a PhD, so if I don't do the work, it's only me who suffers.

All the people I know on £60k or over work hard for their money. They have climbed the ladder to get there sacrificing free and family time (usually since being school age themselves as education took priority over socialising). Long hours, a lot of responsibility, stress and pressure. Work does not stop at the point you leave the workplace, it comes home with you. There are very few people getting an 'easy ride' on that income level, ime.

I think it is normal that for that money there is evening work and less time off. Sorry. I was just thinking about it today that DH has been working so hard that we haven't really connected in a while. It seems that before one big thing finishes, the next has already come along and needed extra hours.

I'm a Director in a charity and earn much less than £60K. I am dedicated in that I want to do a really good job, but am also aware that I need balance in my life. I work 8 hours a day, M-F with occasional weekends or extra hours when needed. They are not paid or recompensed.

Oh, I'm currently covering for the CEO for a month or so, so extra work required...but no extra pay.

DH and I are both on roughly that but we wouldn't work those sorts of hours as your DH OP unless there was a very urgent or extremely important reason to do so. I love my job and I work from home for a good organisation so I have the opportunity to work any time I want but I don't let it overtake my life.

It sounds more like the job your DH is doing which is making him spend all his time working and not the salary IFSWIM? Or, more specifically, the boss.

Perhaps you should read this article and show it to your DH, especially no 2. It shows that a palliative nurse found that every male patient she asked regretted spending so much time working. Don't let your DH do the same :(

Dh is on a similar amount and is VERY dedicated. Put it this was I made it perfectly clear that if he brought his blackberry on holiday it was being thrown in the sea. He works all the time and is on call 24/7.

My partner earns around that. He doesn't work those hours. I earn rather less, and I don't work them either.

op. I dont know if you are still about or still want to discuss it.

From the little you have said, at least part of the problem looks to be his boss. If there are others in your DH's company, at the sameish level as your DH, what do they do? Do they jump when boss says jump?

My DH wouldn't take anything away on holiday, but he does work all hours the week before and the week after a weeks holiday, so in effect, he hasn't had a week off at all - he's just reorganised his hours.

DH is 'only' on about £45,000 but still works long hours.

He is a Civil Engineering Project Manager and often starts early around 8am, then leaving work at around 6pm. But he also brings work home and continues doing his budgets and drawing plans until the early hours.

He also works on weekends and has taken work with him on holidays

I don't think he feels he has any choice with this. During the day he is so busy out on site and in meetings with clients and contractors and just doesn't have time to complete the admin/paperwork side of the job [this is what he brings home to complete... unpaid ]

I feel his team seriously require secretarial/admin/PR support but the engineers actually do all this, even writing the proposals for their schemes and answering calls from the public regarding the proposed building works.

All this, in London, for £45,000.... The problem is also that Civil Engineering has taken a bit of a hit since the recession and salaries have decreased or remained stagnant [DH has been on the same money for the past four years].

We're actually thinking of emigrating to Aus where there is some good money to be made... and for a better work/life balance too!

My dh earns a bit more than that, works mostly 9-5.30 (although takes no lunch to achieve it). He often works in the morning whilst giving our toddler breakfast so I can have a lie in. Recently I have had pregnancy complications and he has happily taken emergency leave and some days worked from home to help out with dd.
He is very good at managing his time and multi-tasking. He's lucky though that the culture at his current work place isn't very hard working so he still does more than most of his colleagues. He was recently told he couldn't call his reports at 6pm whereas in his previous job he was fielding calls from his boss at all hours.

I don't think it's to do with the salary so much as a combination of the job/culture / expectation but also his personality type.
I know people on a LOT less than £60K who are married to the job, but then I know people on that (or above) who know how to switch off / prioritise that which needs doing and that which can be delegated or even left.
That said, I also know a couple of people who are like this with what they do in a voluntary capacity - which again makes me think it's a lot to do with the personality rather than the salary.

Backforgood, agreed. OP, he may be making a rod for his own back, as his boss will think it reasonable to expect an instant response if that's what he usually gets. Is your DP afraid that he will lose his job, or is he gunning for a promotion? If not, he needs to be firm with himself and step away from the crackberry and see that nothing will really change. FWIW the juniors who report to me are on about 60k and I would not expect instant response during evenings, holidays and weekends unless there was something big going on and I had asked them in advance to be available (in which case being available would not be optional). For my part, I do answer work emails at odd hours but wouldn't allow it to interfere with say a romantic dinner or a gym session, though I would normally have the phone ringer on in case of emergency- in my work it's unusual to get calls, so I'd know that was something worth dropping everything for, and anyone wanting me would think it reasonable to call rather than email to get my attention. Could your DP institute something like that - eg an out of office message that says, if you need me urgently, please ring? That way he's not constantly worrying about an urgent email going unanswered.

DP on about 60k in IT industry. Works about 9.30 - 7.30 most days, but on average stays until 9pm at least one day a fortnight. Also finishes at 5.30 2 days a fortnight to pick up his DS from childcare. Hours commute either way on top. Occasionally brings work home but it's not the norm.

DH and I are both on more than that. He works 7am-5pm and I work 7.30am - 5.30pm but only Mon-Thurs. I pick up e mails outside of those hours and calls if needed. I am always contactable on holiday and on both my maternity leaves. In fact I was answering e mails when in labour with dc1 and was back on my blackberry 4 hours after delivering dc2. I don't feel especially dedicated, but reading what I have just written, I guess I must be.

DH is on that money and works ridiculously long hours. His commute is 1.5 hours each way at least so he leaves at 7am and is usually home by 8. Because of the nature of the work he does a lot of the people he works with/for are in the Middle East so he spends a great deal of time answering e-mails and phone calls on weekends as well.

He travels a lot and is away for at least a week a month...but less so in the summer.

In fact I actually wonder sometimes how we have managed to have 2 children as he is here so little!!

However he absolutely adores his job...and it has given us a fantastic life even if it did mean him meeting clients while on holiday-never a good idea to go on holiday where the majority of people you for live!

I am on 24/7 call as I literally am the person who can provide answers about saving people's lives.
But I am atrocious at answering emails when I don't really have to including weekends, evenings, holidays, honeymoon and so on.
I am try training myself and m,y boss not to expect this fast response by initiating a call if urgent only culture. It is taking a LONG time. I can clear emails in a car whilst doing nothing else but getting from A to B makes sense in some respects ......

Tell him and ask for some boundaries it may take more than a couple of times of asking but should work

I earn roughly that but work 3 days a week 9-5 and don't have access to emails etc when not at work. I so take occasional calls on days off if urgent and sometimes take word documents home to edit. My DH earns a lot more than me and often works until 8-9pm but doesn't bring work home and rarely does anything at weekends and never on holiday.