If you or your DH are on approx 60k, how 'dedicated' are you/they to their job?

[tory79]

DH earns just over 60k, in a senior role in a small company. I am a SAHM now.

DH is, and always has been, a grafter, very dedicated, never takes time off sick, puts in loads of extra hours...... but as I sit here for the millionth evening on mn, while he sits and works on his laptop, I can't help but think yes, he earns good money, but is it really worth all the time he puts in? Does he do waaaay more than other people in this kind of role or on this kind of money, or is this normal and expected?

Eg he is ALWAYS checking his emails, ALWAYS answers his phone, whether we are eating, if he's in the middle of bedtime with ds, when we were on our honeymoon or otherwise on holiday...... he spends most evenings working at least a bit, and time at weekends too. He has a lot of travelling time, spends a lot of time in the car, which I know eats in to his working day, but it just feels like he is working ALL THE TIME.

I know he is paranoid about his job and being the only earner, but to be honest, it feels at times like he thinks he is earning 100k+ or something.

edwinbear
Are you self employed? If not, you do know it is against the law for you to work for 2 weeks after the baby is born. My employer was very clear about this even though they happily opt everyone out of the Working Time rules etc.

I think it partly depends on the industry - DH earns about this, when he was client facing he was usually in the office 8-6 plus he'd work (or be available for his clients to call email etc) most of the evening. Work also gave him and iphone and laptop so he was always available.

Since starting new job - no laptop and iphone, and no clients - home from work and 6.30 and that is generally it.

To earn that sort of money these days you usually need to be very dedicated. Your Dh is not doing anything that is unreasonable imo.

I'm not sure dedicated is the right word IMHO. I'm dedicated to my job but don't do much more than 37 hours/week and never take stuff home or answer calls outside the office. Mugs game IMHO.

Seems to me this is part of his temperament. You say he has always been like this, though not sure if that includes in previous jobs where he was working his way up?

It varies by industry and would not be normal where I work, although people do tend to make themselves available out of hours. But I suspect your DH has chosen an industry where it's normal, and then goes a bit further than is strictly necessary, because he can, and he enjoys it. Men also do retreat into work if they don't have any childcare responsibilities.

I suggest that you can't change his temperament and it is only slightly related to his job. A different character could probably decide to do it more efficiently - I bet his female colleagues do. He may be unwilling to tell you that, of course. It certainly isn't related to salary directly, because different areas of work have such different salary norms.

Can you book an evening once a week in his diary, get a babysitter, and have a film night or something?

my dh earns 70k a year,he owns a company (employs over 500 people so im not sure if that makes him a large business i think its still classed as small)obviously he owns it so thinks about it all the time and is on call when theres problems out of hours,mainly because he deal with all the software too and its internet based,but apart from that he works about 9.30 to about 5.30 monday to friday,it did take him about 6 years before itgot to that point though and its been like that for about the last 4 years.plus we only live 5 minutes away which helps,he does the school run in the morning!

But to answer your question OP, no it's not worth it as he is probably earning less now than he did without all the responsibility.

I'm sure if you honestly worked out his hourly rate it would be shocking. Probably equal to a £35k salary doing 37 hours/week.

It really depends on whether he loves his job, lives to work etc. and only you can really tell.

Personally I work to live so couldn't ever do that to my OH or family but we're all different.

Yeah you're right, dedicated isn't the right word. Dh has to be contactable, that's just how things are, if he wasn't he wouldn't be employed. I'm sure other jobs don't require you to be on call so much.

My DH would probably work like a nutter at anything he did regardless of what he earned. If work wasn't sending him round the world regularly and pestering him 24/7 I'm not sure I could cope with him to be honest. Im happy to see him happy but I wish I could arrange to do more in the evenings. With him dropping in and out all the time its very hard to do sports or classes (or go to bars and discos :) ) I'm distinctly beta type and could never imagine this level of dedication.

DH is on a high salary and works generally about 8:30am to 6:30pm. He drops dd off at school on way and is home before 7. So it works fine. It's not often he has to work in the evenings or weekends to be fair either, Though does check his emails in those times and may respond accordingly. He prefers not to work at home if he can and likes his weekends and evenings work free. He enjoys family time and when we are are away properly on holiday or long weekends he never works, though again will check emails in spare time to avoid coming home to hundreds!

I earn way way less as a HLTA. But term time I do work hard and it is me who is more likely to be working in an evening or weekends. I cut back drastically in holidays though. Tbh term time I don't work much less than I did when I was teaching proper, holiday weeks at where I notice a real difference.

I earn about 50k for working 30 hours a week. I'm very dedicated to my job when I'm there but it's not the kind of job with a lot of take home work

dp is on more than that, and hes reasonably dedicated. He gets up at 5am to commute into london, although he does leave at 4, so he can spend time with the children in the evenings.
If there is a deadline, he is happy to work into the night or even all night, or over the weekends if necessary, but he is generally someone who gets his shit done much faster and more competently than others during working hours, so its not often an issue and hes very valued at work so they are quite accomodating with him having flexi-time.
He works from home if he needs to, or if im stuck for childcare. Hes a familyman first and foremost

DH is on quite a bit more he leaves at 6.30 and gets home at 6.30 but he has his phone programmed to switch off at 7.00pm. His attitude is they can have a piece of him on the way home but after that it is family time.

DH is on more and is dedicated very but not to the point of his family life suffering too much. He sometimes finds its a difficult balance and can come home troubled (a little quiet) during stressful periods. He can also work three/five evenings a week. It makes it difficult for me to work full time as I feel one of us needs to be around a little as our youngest has not yet started school. Before anyone leaps, DH would quite happily of swapped with me working the more career job and him doing the other. Luckily, I can work from home.

We make sure we go out on our own frequently and every few months he takes our son away for a weekend on his own.