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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if people think my 2.5 yr old DS is small ...

80 replies

RoadToTuapeka · 22/07/2013 03:44

They could keep their opinions to themselves?

DS1 is small for his age, about 25th percentile height & just above 9th for weight. Myself & DH are 1.75m tall and slim so ds is unlikely to be huge!

I've had an old friend who I've not seen for over a year say, in front of DS1, oh he's small. And an estate agent at a viewing today ask how old he is and say, again in front of him, oh my 10 month old nephew is practically his size.

Health professionals are not concerned, he is tracking on growth charts as he always has. He understands what people say and I dislike him constantly hearing 'oh he's small'!

Am I being over sensitive? Or should other people think a bit harder before saying things like that directly in DAs earshot?

OP posts:
Enfyshedd · 22/07/2013 04:54

My DD is small - at 14mo, she still fits in some 6-9mo clothes, but she's been walking for a month and is working on cutting her 13th & 14th teeth (minders say she acts a lot older than her age). She was only 5lb 9oz at birth, so just seems to be 'designed' to be petite.

DSS2's best friend is 16mo older than DSS2, and about an inch shorter than DSS2. The BF's parents are not tall (mum about my height - 5'3", dad not much taller), DSS2's parent's are tall (DP is 5'11", his Ex is 6'2"!).

My friend's DS is 27mo and I believe is growing out of age 3-4yr clothes. He was over 9lb at birth, was ebf for 6mo and was past the 99th centile the entire time - apparently the HV made a point of writing he was ebf in his red book to cover herself!!

Every baby/child/person is different. Don't sweat it.

sleepywombat · 22/07/2013 05:02

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ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 22/07/2013 05:18

My 3 year old is still in 12-18 month clothes. He will be 4 in 4 months!

People assume he is a lot younger but as he speaks and is toilet trained they think he is some sort of genius child so I allow them yo think it for a bit. Well til he tells them he is 3 Grin

My brother and sister are younger than him yet taller.

hazeyjane · 22/07/2013 05:31

I don't think people are being intentionally rude though, it is just an easy thing to comment on.

CorrieDale · 22/07/2013 05:43

I was amazed by how livid I felt when people commented on ds's size. He wasn't even that small but my gosh he was -and still is! - thin. Lark legs my mum says. Then dd came along and she is pretty small and it gets commented on a lot and it doesn't bother me at all. It's been an eye opener how I have reacted - everyday sexism in my very own head!

BeanoNoir · 22/07/2013 05:47

Yanbu

alpinemeadow · 22/07/2013 05:58

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TroublesomeEx · 22/07/2013 06:26

I think you're probably being a little over-sensitive about this. Are you bothered that he's small?

Both of my children are small for their age if you look at the centiles. My dad used to say that my son's legs were like match sticks with the wood scraped off. He was right!

My DD is 7 and has been just below the 0.4th centile for height and weight since she was born. She generally wears age 3-4 clothes and people always assume she's younger than she is. I often get comments about how advanced she is for her age, and have to tell people that she's 7 and not 4! Fortunately, she looks more like a 7 year old now, so it happens less often, but she's still small.

I'm really proud of her. She is tiny. She's amazing and being a dinky dot is just one of the many things about her that makes her who she is. If people comment, I just tell them that she was born early and was small then - because I'm proud of that too. I'm proud of everything about her. She's amazing.

It wouldn't occur to me to be offended when people comment about anything unless they were being intentionally nasty. I just don't really hear criticism in the things people say about either of my children - if they're commenting on a fact, then that's what it is, a fact. Perhaps I'm just a bit odd!

TimeofChange · 22/07/2013 06:38

Folk Girl: I'm thankful that there are people like you.

People just seem to be so sensitive over everything that I'm thinking I should just ignore everyone, even the beautiful baby who may be next to me on the train, for fear of offending.

heidihole · 22/07/2013 06:38

My DS is 99.6th percentile for height. It gets commented on all the time that at 14m they think he's 2.

Who cares?

TroublesomeEx · 22/07/2013 06:52

TimeofChange I'm always commenting on other people children - their good behaviour; their hair; their eyes. I'd never say anything unkind so k wouldn't occur to me that people might be offended!

You can come and make any observation you like about my children - I'll probably agree with you! Grin

sleepywombat · 22/07/2013 06:54

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alpinemeadow · 22/07/2013 07:02

This reply has been deleted

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Fraggle3112 · 22/07/2013 07:05

I can understand you getting offended. We have the same thing because DS is so big. He's 98th centile and has been since 2 weeks, one hv actually accused me of lying about him being ebf!
It doesn't offend me as such it's just annoying! Although when a different hv said 'hello fatty' in a babyish voice when weighing him I was close to offended, even if I do refer to him as chunky chops myself! Grin
OP YANBU but I'm sure people mean no harm and your lovely DS probably doesn't even notice!

InMySpareTime · 22/07/2013 07:17

My DS is 0.4th centile for height (occasionally off the chart, but we wait until he's grown a bit to measure himBlush). At almost 12, he wears age 8-9 clothes. He's skinny with it, so he has age 6-7 undies to make sure they stay up.
He likes being small, it means he can run super fast and dodge tackles in Rugby matches.
I used to be sensitive of people's comments about his size, but there's nothing to be done about it, so I just tell people about his other not size related skills to move the focus away from negative size comments to positive academic or sporting ones.

InMySpareTime · 22/07/2013 07:21

I used to feel uncomfortable with the implication that DS is underfed or badly cared for to be so small.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 22/07/2013 07:27

Kids do notice though -but people always commented on my sister being skinny (my mum most of all) and as a consequence she saw it as her defining feature and didn't cope at all when she put on a bit of puppy fat in her early teens (withdrew, lost confidence, eventually became anorexic) and it was only when I looked at childhood photos in my 30head s I realised I hadn't actually been overweight as a child -though being referred to as "chunkier" constantly had made that am integral part of my self image, though my skimny sister was far more harmed by the constant labelling. Kids do notice, and it is worth watching how you reger to your kids in their hearing, even though you can't do much about random acquaintances.

Thisisaeuphemism · 22/07/2013 07:31

I am small. People have always commented. It hasn't damaged me (weep)

BlackeyedSusan · 22/07/2013 07:32

I think thin is worse, implying you are underfeeding. ds is small. he has just gown out of age 2 school trousers, at just turned 5. his dad as small... nd then grerw to a respectable 5'10"

ThePowerof3 · 22/07/2013 07:33

It's aggravating to keep explaining the same thing over and over though, just brush it off with 'yeah he is a bit' and change the subject

Delayingtactic · 22/07/2013 07:39

I think you are bit over sensitive but aren't we all about our DC? My DS is at the 99th centile for height but a healthy weight so people assume he's older than the 2.5 that he is. People assume he should be a lot more advanced than he is but he's coming along for his age. I don't normally get too fussed except once when a woman commented on how behind she thought he was (for a five yr old) and asked in a hushed whisper "is he a bit special?" Now that I thought was rude!

ThePowerof3 · 22/07/2013 07:46

There is a boy in DD1s class (year one) who is the size of a 9-10 year old and it's been so hard for him, no allowances were made for him when they were in nursery/reception and other parents steered their kids away as they thought he'd be a thug but in reality he is so gentle

BikeRunSki · 22/07/2013 07:52

YANBU

I haVe two very tall preschoolers, and have the reverse problem. "She' s not saying much is she ?" "Yes well, that'll be because she is only 18 months old". "Are you home schooling ( your assumed 5 year old) then" ( as we go swimming on a Monday morning)? "Er no. DS is 3, he goes to nursery though, 3 days a week. He'll start school when he is nearly 5".

DS is starting school in September. He will be wearing age 7 trousers, and his schoool jumpers are the second biggest size they come in. Not sure sure what we will do in a couple of years time.

formicadinosaur · 22/07/2013 08:05

All of mine have been between the 9th or just under the bottom percentile. All heathy and well coordinated and bright. When they were little, people always looked very shocked when they spoke so well. My kids have always been very portable in back/front carriers and inherit fab clothes from their friends.

Jinsei · 22/07/2013 08:06

DD is small. People do comment, and I used to worry about it but she seems to have adopted it as a positive label - for the time being, at least, she likes being small. YANBU to wish that people could just keep their opinions to themselves.