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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if people think my 2.5 yr old DS is small ...

80 replies

RoadToTuapeka · 22/07/2013 03:44

They could keep their opinions to themselves?

DS1 is small for his age, about 25th percentile height & just above 9th for weight. Myself & DH are 1.75m tall and slim so ds is unlikely to be huge!

I've had an old friend who I've not seen for over a year say, in front of DS1, oh he's small. And an estate agent at a viewing today ask how old he is and say, again in front of him, oh my 10 month old nephew is practically his size.

Health professionals are not concerned, he is tracking on growth charts as he always has. He understands what people say and I dislike him constantly hearing 'oh he's small'!

Am I being over sensitive? Or should other people think a bit harder before saying things like that directly in DAs earshot?

OP posts:
lljkk · 22/07/2013 08:06

I think you're being a bit oversensitive. "Small" just means cute!! Does it bother you to think they might be short adults? What does it matter otherwise?

3/4 of my DC were noticeably small for age when they started reception. I was baffled that someone thought I'd be offended that DS was described as petite. Didn't bother me in the slightest. Nothing wrong with relatively short adults, anyway.

It's a little bit of a pain when they don't grow, though. Folk give you summer clothes for a birthday & you're thinking "Well maybe the summer 2 yrs hence..." By which time the clothes are unfashionable (has happened to us several times). Or others comment about their children who "grow like weeds" and I scratch my head thinking "Nope, not had that one!"

NotintheMiddle · 22/07/2013 08:06

I was going to say the same as BikeRunSKi. At least when they are small for their age people are constantly astonished that they can talk/climb/ride a bike because they assume the dc are younger than they are.

Mind you, my 2.5 year old is small for his age and a couple of times I have had people comment how tall he is for his age Hmm

RNJ3007 · 22/07/2013 08:18

I have the opposite problem, but I can see why it is annoying. When DD was 2 (and in age 4-5 clothes) I had a total stranger crouch down to her in the buggy in a checkout queue and say 'Isn't your mum stupid for putting a big girl like you in a buggy!!' I was fuming. On telling her DD was 2, she shook her head and told me to stop trying to dig myself out of my hole...

Now we get questions about moving up to juniors etc etc. she starts reception class in Setember as one of the youngest in her year. Yes, she's in age 7/7-8 clothes and has size 11.5 feet... But she's only just 4! (Not on height charts, 60th centile for weight)

meganorks · 22/07/2013 08:24

I think you are being oversensitive. People are just trying to make conversation when it comes to children. So they say thinks like big for age, small for age, good talker, good climber - whatever. Don't think most people mean any harm by it.
You know it doesn't matter, all kids are different. So I don't see why you can't just smile and nod

Poppy4453 · 22/07/2013 08:25

One of mine is super tall, was ebf and off the scale for weight and height. giant child people used the words sturdy or solid to describe her. I wanted to punch them.

Were all different, so are children. Smile and nod.

Poppy4453 · 22/07/2013 08:30

RNJ - i have had people argue with me about DD's age.

I almost wet my self when one lady said no she's not three, your mistaken.....no she's three.

Justforlaughs · 22/07/2013 08:34

Try not stress over it, I'm sure that most people don't mean to be rude but it can be VERY annoying. And I agree about particularly about commenting about children in their hearing, as opposed to speaking to them. I can imagine this would be a very different thread if people were commenting on "isn't he fat", or similar. I think some people just open their mouths without thinking and say the first thing that comes into their head. I still remember being in the swimming with DS1 and being told - "isn't he like his Daddy", yes, he is, but that's not his Daddy. DS had straight blonde hair, blue eyes and a round face, DH has curly dark brown hair, brown eyes and high cheek bones! Grin

RNJ3007 · 22/07/2013 08:39

Poppy I know, so annoying!!! I have been asked if I was confused. I was tired and snappy and replied 'No, you know what, I know exactly how old she is, given it took 45 mins to stitch up the damage her speedy delivery caused did to my perineum!' Was told I was very rude... Hohum!

MurderOfGoths · 22/07/2013 08:47

DS is 2nd percentile for weight, he was 1st for a long time. Am waiting for the comments, but I'm hoping people will look at my height (4'10") and apply common sense

SummerMyArse · 22/07/2013 08:48

YANBU but probably (and understandably) a bit too sensitive.

I remember being upset that all the midwives at the hospital had labelled DS as "the shrimp". Yup, every time a new one came in to the room, she'd say "ah so here's the shrimp. This one needs fattening up" Sad

He is now 22 months and still skinny and fairly short, but physically the most advanced out of his peers.

My main bugbear is DH who keeps going on about how DS isn't growing Angry. But that's because DH has always had a complex about his own height (he's 1m75 - not small but not tall either). I did have a major go at him about talking about it in front of DS and it's true he hasn't mentionned it for a couple of months now...

Flossie82 · 22/07/2013 08:51

You are being oversensitive. People will always find something to comment on. Being small isn't negative, just a fact about your DS.

Badvoc · 22/07/2013 08:51

Ah, yes.
I have had this both ways actually.
Ds1 was a small baby and ds2 a large one.
Why people think it's ok to mention a child's size is beyond me...I have had people ask me if ds1 was ill and if ds2 was 2 years older than he actually is....
You can't win it seems.

SolomanDaisy · 22/07/2013 08:55

People constantly comment on how big my DS is. It never occurred to me to think they were rude, he is very tall and he was also a very chunky ebf baby. People just say it for something to say.

Original poster
RoadToTuapeka · 22/07/2013 09:11

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses. I think you are right, no-one means anything nasty by such comments, just a bit thoughtless when no comment is really needed in front of the child!

I actually am probably a bit over sensitive about it, partly as DS2 (6 months) is looking like he'll be bigger overall, and I worry that DS1 will start noticing the 'ooh he'll be taller/bigger etc than DS1' type of comments, again said in front of both children.

I will try not to let people's comments bother me, and play it down or reply if need be reinforcing to both children, that they are both perfectly and exactly the way they are meant to be.

Thanks for the reassuring comments!
e

OP posts:
megsmouse · 22/07/2013 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SneezySnatcher · 22/07/2013 09:39

I see both sides of this. DS is huge (he's almost 18lb at 14 weeks old). I was told I 'couldn't possibly' be breastfeeding him by an acquaintance, who accused me of giving him formula and lying about it! I have two friends who gave birth the same week I did who keep holding their DC next to him and saying "can you believe he's younger than them..."

DNiece, on the other hand, is small. She's 2.5 years old and weighs only 1lb more than DS. People keep commenting on what a "little dot" she is. I don't think DSis is too bothered though, because she's a girl.

Sirzy · 22/07/2013 09:50

I think you are being a bit oversensitive.

DS is 3.7 and still in 18-24 clothes with some 12-18 fitting, he is 9th centile for height and just under for weight. He is tiny so why would I get offended by people commenting upon that? Just like my sister gets people who when they find out her sons age say "wow isn't he tall" because he is!

plentyofsoap · 22/07/2013 09:50

I got this alot with my ds and still do sometimes. I say that I am happy that he is slim and healthy. I never comment on other children's weight it is really rude and some comments have upset me at times.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 22/07/2013 09:52

I know how you feel as my DD is very small. But I'm only 160cm and weighs about 50kg, so she's never going to be big. Doesn't stop people commenting how petite she is though! I think you'll just have to grow some thick skin. I'm sure people with bigger toddlers will get aren't he fat type of comments, don't you think?

absentmindeddooooodles · 22/07/2013 09:54

Went into the corner shop yesterday. Its literally over the road from me and was late, so ds (2.4) came in with me wearing PJs and I'd just given him his dummy as he was about to go to bed. Fwiw, he never has his dummy before he goes to bed but has chicken pox and was miserable) anyway so the shop assistant went off on one about how ds was too old to have a dummy, children of school age etc should k ow better and have more manners. Really went off on one! So I turned around and said...ds tell the funny lady how old you are...shouts two at the top of his voice and she promptly launches into another rant about how I must be feeding him too much etc etc. To add insult to injury she then asked me for ID for the bottle of wine I was buying ( along with other things) I'm almost 24 and she serves me on a reeguilar basis. She was just being an idiot. :-(

Long story I know. Just felt the need to share :-)

I don't usually mind when people say how big ds is for his age. He's stall and lanky bless him, but then me and his dad are around the 510/511 mark so not short. Costs me a bloody fortune in clothes for him though!!

LunaticFringe · 22/07/2013 10:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HamwidgeAlive · 22/07/2013 10:23

I have the opposite happen; "he's BIIIG!" It's just chit chat.

hazeyjane · 22/07/2013 10:24

But lunatic, it's fairly accepted that it is rude to call someone fat, but in what way is it rude to say that someone is small, or tall?

BeaWheesht · 22/07/2013 10:29

Ds and dd (6 and nearly 3) are both very tall for their age, they both have broad shoulders and enormous heads too (eg adult hat for them both).

People comment on it quite often, a few times a week at least, doesn't bother me apart from when people say 'its a shame' dd is so tall, that pisses me right off.

People definitely expect more of them though and that gets on my nerves.

LunaticFringe · 22/07/2013 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.