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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if people think my 2.5 yr old DS is small ...

80 replies

RoadToTuapeka · 22/07/2013 03:44

They could keep their opinions to themselves?

DS1 is small for his age, about 25th percentile height & just above 9th for weight. Myself & DH are 1.75m tall and slim so ds is unlikely to be huge!

I've had an old friend who I've not seen for over a year say, in front of DS1, oh he's small. And an estate agent at a viewing today ask how old he is and say, again in front of him, oh my 10 month old nephew is practically his size.

Health professionals are not concerned, he is tracking on growth charts as he always has. He understands what people say and I dislike him constantly hearing 'oh he's small'!

Am I being over sensitive? Or should other people think a bit harder before saying things like that directly in DAs earshot?

OP posts:

Towanda · 22/07/2013 10:39

My dc are all the shortest in their year groups at school. Dp is 5ft6in and I'm 5ft - they're never destined to be giants. People don't tend to comment on it unless they see them with their classmates and when they do it doesn't bother me at all.

The only issue we've had is dd2 who is 6 has been called cute, little, baby, etc and picked up and babied by older girls and she hates it but otherwise they're happy, bright, shortarses!

Groovee · 22/07/2013 10:47

My ds is 10 almost 11. He wears age 9 on top and age 7 on the bottom. He's small compared to his peers. But he is accepted for who he is. The Paed thinks he is small and come puberty may well shoot right up. He is who he is and we love him for it.

Anyone who judges because of size is ignorant.

lljkk · 22/07/2013 11:29

I hope you can see how funny that story is, Dooooooodles.
Problem with siblings is they will always have some unfavourable comparisons. DS3 was dry at night for about 10 months before DS2 could master it. Fairly awkward.

fluffandnonsense · 22/07/2013 11:31

My daughter is very big for her age and at 24 months is wearing size 3-4 with some 4-5!!! I get lots of comments on how big she is but I don't take them negatively or get offended. She also has lots of hair so I get plenty of people commenting on how much hair she has and it's the same thing! They are just commenting on the obvious things about her. Try not to get so easily offended!

sonu678 · 22/07/2013 11:34

my friends dd is below the bottom centile, aged 2 and has been since she was about three months old. I think we have all gotten so used to the comments about her size, that we dont pay attention anymore. Its just people showing off their own insecurities.
The paeds are concerned in that they keep an eye on her, but since she is meeting all her developmental milestones, all is good.

lunar1 · 22/07/2013 11:39

my boys are very slim too, ds1 is almost 5, he is under 9th percentile for weight and just over 75th for height. A woman recently asked me if i bothered to feed them when we were at swimming!

They have 3 hot meals a day fgs, neither of them are too interested in carbs though. they have loads of energy and are never still so im not worried. maybe her comment was because im fat and she thinks i eat all their food.

User838484567 · 22/07/2013 11:47

That would bother me too, so I think YANBU.

People do seem to think it's a bit of a free-for-all making comments on others' kids weight and height, I feel sometimes it's a bit of a stealth boast about their own!

DD was born on the 50th, but due to severe reflux and feeding difficulties she dropped down to around the 9th in the early months. A family member with a son who was born on the 98th and was (and still is) very big for his age, used to look at her with undisguised horror and say "DS was NEVER that small", not in a concerned way, in a sort of disapproving way. I still get annoyed when I think about it now.

A lot of it is perception though. The GM of the very big boy still talks about DD as "so small" in a sort of pitying way. DD is now 95th for height and around 90th for weight, so in no way small! Just compared to her GS she looks more petite... Just try and smile and ignore. You can explain to DS afterwards that some people are just a bit rude...

Dunham · 22/07/2013 11:48

DC2 has an illness which has resulted in him being on between 0.4th - 2nd centile for weight and just under 9th for height, so people look very surprised at how old he is. If they make comments, it doesn't bother me, i just tell them he's ill and they shut up. Sometimes they think i have a genius child when he was 2.5 he looked 18 months and was hving full blown conversations with me

juneau · 22/07/2013 11:52

YANBU - I hate when people do this. DS1 was on the small side - people commented. DS2 is 99.6th percentile and everyone comments on how tall he is! It's really irritating.

PrettyKitty1986 · 22/07/2013 11:55

Someone once referred to my ds1 as 'The BFG' (think Roald Dahl). Now THAT I was a bit miffed over as to me that's rude, however harmlessly it's meant.

However, I'm not 'offended' by remarks over his height in general. He's been consistently over the 100th centile for height and weight since 2 years old and at Reception age is the same size as the boys from the Year 2 class. He sticks out like a sore thumb. I expect some comments.

I think you're being a tad over sensitive op. humans are an observational lot and like to state the obvious.

GeorgianMumto5 · 22/07/2013 11:58

Ds is small for his age. He's also bright, so I've had a few years, now, of being amused when strangers think he's a genius. He now looks his age, but small for it, so we get fewer comments. When they come I say either, 'Oh don't let him hear you say that! You're enormous, aren't you Ds?' He nods and looks aggrieved. Or I say, 'Yes, he's small now, but he's going to be really tall. His uncle is 6 ft tall.'Ds nods sagely and looks smug.

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner · 22/07/2013 12:10

Oh yadnbu. I've had the opposite problem in that for years people have been going on and ON tall my dc are.

They are tall. They're not absurdly tall though, but yes I admit they're on the tall side and yes I had noticed. Can we just get past that fgs? No apparantly

I don't think it's rude to mention their height generally if it comes up as part of a conversation I suppose, but to keep on in a oohh, gasp, what do you feed them sort of way is esp if it's someone you see often.

Shellywelly1973 · 22/07/2013 12:10

My Dd was only 5'14oz when she was born.

By the time she went to nursery she was taller then the majority of the other children.

By Yr1 she was the tallest.

She's now 11 yrs old 5ft 7! Tallest child in her school by far.

Wears adult size 14 clothes. 7 shoe. People make the rest & most insensitive comments in front of Dd. I always pull them. Generally, the good old' Did you mean to be special rude??' does the trick.

People just comment on anything Thats different. I wouldn't let it get to you.

apostropheuse · 22/07/2013 12:12

I really think people don't mean any harm - it's not as if there's actually anything wrong with being smaller than average.

My oldest granddaughter is tiny and has never even been on the centile charts since birth.

She was born at about 35 weeks weighing 2lb 3oz. She's now six and a half and wears age 2-3 years clothes. In school they put a little step for her in the toilet to make it easier for her to sit on the loo.

She's had all kinds of medical tests but there's nothing wrong with her -she's just tiny. The paediatrician is talking about her getting growth hormone treatment just to make her a more normal adult height.

My granddaughter is aware that she's abnormally small - she tells me that her friends call her teensy, but that doesn't seem to bother her. She also told me that when it was really windy she asked the head teacher to hold her hand and take her to the bus in case the wind blew her away! Unsurprisingly the HT obliged - people do tend to treat her specially simply because of her small stature.

Anyway, I would say that YANBU if you think people are affecting his self-esteem, but YABU if not.

DoJo · 22/07/2013 12:13

I've had both - mine was a lanky little thing with massive feet when he was born, then he went super chubby and grew at a massive rate and was the biggest of his peer group, and now is solid and heavy but slim and a teeny little shorty. People have commented at every stage and I haven't given a monkey's, but I admit I am not particularly concerned about him hearing it as I think of them as fairly neutral observations rather than criticisms.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 12:13

YABU - it's just an observation. In the same way that people say 'Oh it's raining' when it's perfectly obvious it's raining. Nothing to get your knickers in a knot over :)

AWimbaWay · 22/07/2013 12:14

Why is it an insult to be called small? I'm small, Dh is small and all our children are small.

I'm insulted that you think being called small is an insult. There is nothing wrong with my or my children's size.

plentyofsoap · 22/07/2013 12:30

When someone goes on about it in a negative way it is rude. I would not dream of going up to a mother and saying "oh your ds son is very fat?!" so why should it be ok for the opposite especially when the child can hear it and understand. I had alot of anxiety over my ds's weight as he was small due to being prem and stupid comments did not help. Maybe I was sensitive then, but for good reason.

Oldraver · 22/07/2013 12:43

My DS was very small...prior to starting school he was still in 18-24 month trousers and I though school uniform wasn't going to fit. Luckily he had 3 yr old stuff and it drowned him.

But yes it was something people always mentioned when they saw him and to be honest lots of times I just shut my ears to it. By the time he started school I have heard it a LOT and my patience had gone. One particular person did used to go on and on about it and to be honest I did find it rude and would walk away. Her youngest daughter is very fat and I just wouldn't say "oh she's so chubby/fat".

I dont think people realise that it could be construes as rude, yes we know it would rude to say a child is fat, but saying "OH he just sooo tiny" over and over is not on either

ProphetOfDoom · 22/07/2013 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook · 22/07/2013 12:44

My DS is small too on the 25th percentile. He's 18 m and my 8m old nephew is the same size as him. My dd was also small. However, it has its benefits! Both dd and DS walked at around 10 and 11 months and crawled at 5m and are very quick on their feet. My 8m old nephew can't even roll over yet. Dd won all the running races on sports day aged 5, and I can only assume it was because she's been walking and running a lot longer than her peers.

I also get told a lot how small my babies are by certain family members, and I've had to be quite short with them and tell them quite sternly a few times that obviously both parents are small (I'm 5ft4 and DH is 5ft8) so our offspring will be small too, and I wouldn't expect giants!

I wouldn't worry! Just keep repeating yourself a few times until it get through their thick skulls.

Oldraver · 22/07/2013 12:45

Yes to add...its not always what is said but how its said, and if its the thing that always crops up with one particular person

DeWe · 22/07/2013 12:47

People always comment on small or tall.

Dd1 and dd2 people said "aren't they tall"-they were.

Ds is about average and I've had "isn't he tall" and "isn't he small". It's something to say that people feel reasonable safe on.

cathpip · 22/07/2013 12:59

Yanbu, its equally annoying if your dc are very tall!

Oobis · 22/07/2013 13:30

To have an average, there has to be above and below. He is unlikely to become a basket ball player, but other than that, I'm sure he is a wonderful child with huge opportunity in life. :-)

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