Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
RinseAndRepeat · 21/07/2013 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceAddict · 21/07/2013 10:34

No way, tell her you didn't have the heart to tell her when you got the save the date card, that you were already invited to a wedding out of town that day, and you were so relieved you weren't invited, so you wouldn't have to disappoint her. So no you cant help as you're busy being a guest at another wedding that day. Cheeky cow!

SanityClause · 21/07/2013 10:34

Well, your "good excuse" is that you can't really, as you're doing something with your children that day. (Everyone's doing something with their children, even if it's lying in the sun, watching them play in the garden, before making a lunch of sandwiches, and then hanging out a load of washing before going for a walk.)

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:35

Haha, thank you for the help you lovely lot!

I don't really have much interest in maintaining the friendship after this so maybe I should be harsh in response!

OP posts:
anonacfr · 21/07/2013 10:38

Let us know what you tell her Grin

patienceisvirtuous · 21/07/2013 10:38

I would reply with something short and to the point

'No, I won't be helping you with that.

Tidy'

FannyFifer · 21/07/2013 10:39

I would agree to helping then have an unfortunate stomach bug or family crisis.
What a boot, she is not a friend!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/07/2013 10:39

Absolutely say no.

She led you to believe that you'd be invited and hasn't even had the good grace to give an explanation.

You have every right to say why you won't be helping her out, cheeky mare!!

HollaAtMeBaby · 21/07/2013 10:39

Can I just say that this is my favourite time of year on MN because of all the unreasonable bride threads? Grin

You are absolutely NBU. Tell the cheeky cow to fuck off.

internationallove985 · 21/07/2013 10:40

Of course you should be harsh in your response. You don't even have to give an excuse. Just tell her boldly you're not doing it. x

Iaintdunnuffink · 21/07/2013 10:40

I would email back with what RandomMess said.

Cheeky cow! You send save the date cards out to people you are going to invite and want to make sure are there.

FannyFifer · 21/07/2013 10:40

"No thanks, I'm washing my hair that day" Grin

SanityClause · 21/07/2013 10:41

I don't really get this "save the date" business, anyway. What are they expecting you to do? Not book holidays, turn down other actual invitations, because you are "saving the date".

Or are they "baggsy-ing" the date. "You can't get married or have a party on that date, I've already bagsed it!"

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 21/07/2013 10:41

Or just help decorate it.

Badly.

Wink
miffybun73 · 21/07/2013 10:41

YANBU. So extremely cheeky it's hard to believe.

Justforlaughs · 21/07/2013 10:41

I'm going to go slightly against the tide on this one, because I love doing things like this and would love to decorate a wedding venue. However, there is absolutely no reason why you SHOULD do so. If you don't WANT to then just say no, you don't really need an explanation, and anyone with half a brain will know why, whether you try to dress it up or not.

Or you could ask her for the list of other people who were not invited and suggest that you all do it together! and have your own party at the same time as you're all going to miss out on the big day! Grin

Hegsy · 21/07/2013 10:42

Just straight to the point.... 'no that doesn't work for me' and leave it at that. Or even just ignore her email.

Pigsmummy · 21/07/2013 10:42

Be "away" that weekend, no harm in saying that had kept the date free, as per the card but since learning that you are not invited have made plans.

You only send keep the date cards to people you are inviting, otherwise what's the point? Bridezilla.

aldiwhore · 21/07/2013 10:43

I think save the date cards are an okayish idea if the wedding is a long way off. But you never ever send them to anyone that isn't going to receive an actual invitation.

I'm afraid op any advice I could give would probably be the death knell of the friendship, so I'm keeping schtum.

RinseAndRepeat · 21/07/2013 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 21/07/2013 10:43

I would reply, " no I won't be helping but I'm sure some of your A List friends will be happy to oblige"
But then, I'm a bitch Grin

scarlettanager · 21/07/2013 10:44

Wtaf?!

rindercella · 21/07/2013 10:44

There are loads of these bridezilla threads at the moment. The audacity of some brides-to-be never ceases to amaze me.

Your friend is very cheeky, not to mention incredibly rude Tidy. I would reply saying that as you didn't need to save the date after all, you haven't and are doing something else. There's no need to need to mention what it is that you're doing.

Somethingtothinkabout · 21/07/2013 10:45

That's a whole Newcastle of cheeky!

I'd reply saying that since you (and DP and kids?) had all saved the date and got time off, when found out you weren't invited, you've now made other plans to make the most of the weekend. Sorry.

DumSpiroSpero · 21/07/2013 10:45

Absolutely bonkers (the friend - not you!).

Have just your OP to my 9yo and even at her age she thinks your 'friend' is being a cheeky a moo!

I like Random's slightly passive aggressive reply.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.