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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
wriggletto · 21/07/2013 11:13

Other plans, not pans, obvs. Mind you...

poachedeggs · 21/07/2013 11:15

What about

"I couldn't understand why you'd sent a Save The Date when you didn't want my company at your wedding. Now it's become clear that although you don't want my company, you do want my assistance. I find this astonishingly rude. I'm afraid I won't be able to help. I wish you well in the future. "

oohdaddypig · 21/07/2013 11:16

Love mortified and poached eggs responses....

Are you wanting to remain friends with this person?

ratbagcatbag · 21/07/2013 11:16

Can't think of anything appropriate to say, just marking my place. :)

soapysam · 21/07/2013 11:17

'I'm so sorry I cant help, I'm book in for a colonic and I'd rather do that that help you. Meanwhile, I know a fantastic, classy event organiser that comes highly recommended from mumsnet, I'll give him a call...'

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 21/07/2013 11:18

There's only one thing to do really.

Accept with enthusiasm, then book her the party planner from Doubleshotespresso's baby shower thread.

YouTheCat · 21/07/2013 11:18

I think, in this instance, a simple 'Get to fuck' would be an appropriate response to the request.

It is to the point and leaves no room for misinterpretation. Grin

YouTheCat · 21/07/2013 11:18

Oooh Empress that is pure evil! Grin

RaisingChaotic · 21/07/2013 11:20

Definitely send mortified's response and update us.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/07/2013 11:22

Send that reply, do it! Make sure she knows what a cheeky cow she is.

You do not send save the dates to people that aren't invited. You especially don't then ask them to decorate the venue. Unacceptable behaviour. She'll be expecting a gift next!

BartyFottom · 21/07/2013 11:24

How about: 'Sorry, I can't don't want to help on the day. But at least now I know why you sent a save the date card!'

Or send a 'helping with decorations' card and then just before the wedding tell her that you're not really helping her and you sent the card just because.

IvanaCake · 21/07/2013 11:29

Cheeky cow!!

"Although I had been saving the date (thanks for the card by the way) I'm afraid we made other plans when we realised you had changed your mind about inviting us"

ReluctantBeing · 21/07/2013 11:30

That's a great response. Go for it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/07/2013 11:31

Have you sent it OP? I really want to hear the response.

What would be really funny would be to say you'll help then on the morning tell her you're busy...

pigletmania · 21/07/2013 11:32

The rudeness of her is astounding, sending save the date cards to not only the guests, but to other people not invited stoat everyone knows about her wedding. Op has said she had been bragging about it for sometime, you just don't do that! Then she has the nerve to ask op In an e mail of all things, to help decorate her venue. So op is not good enough to go to her wedding, but enough to be her skivvy.

As poached eggs has said, use that reply.

ExasperatedSigh · 21/07/2013 11:33

There is only one suitable response to such brazen fuckwittery, and that is the one I have shamelessly stolen from Withnail & I:

"You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and fuck off while you're doing it!"

However, your reply is also excellent. Looking forward to the 'you're just bitter/jealous/it was a J.O.K.E.' return email from Bridezilla.

As an aside, I am intrigued as to what kind of decorations she's planning that need to be so secret. Visions of Frankenstein theme or something.

pigletmania · 21/07/2013 11:33

Don't tell me she has also asked you for a gift like on the other thread

johnworf · 21/07/2013 11:34

Sets up deckchair and picnic hamper.

I think the reply the OP has put together is good. I personally would have put a few profanities in there.

The bride clearly has the hide of a rhino and more front than blackpool.

EvieanneVolvic · 21/07/2013 11:35

Looking forward to the 'you're just bitter/jealous/it was a J.O.K.E.' return email from Bridezilla.

This ^

Or even worse a gushing 'Oh but I thought you'd like the opportunity to be involved in all the fun, even though you're not coming to the wedding'

LJL69 · 21/07/2013 11:37

Old Lady knows nothing - I was thinking just that.

Shenanagins · 21/07/2013 11:39

soapy and express you made me laugh!

meganorks · 21/07/2013 11:40

You don't happen to have a toilet training toddler do you? Could turn up to help and encourage toddler to decorate dancefloor with a big steaming turd...

Purplehonesty · 21/07/2013 11:40

I haven't read the baby shower thread can someone give me the heads up on the planner? It's 990 messages long!

bemybebe · 21/07/2013 11:40

Tell her you are going to a wedding of a very dear friend. Domebody she cannot possibly know and that you were saving the date for ages... I would. Cheeky cow.

AKissIsNotAContract · 21/07/2013 11:41

Or send a 'helping with decorations' card and then just before the wedding tell her that you're not really helping her and you sent the card just because

Grin
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