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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
georgedawes · 22/07/2013 23:02

My favourite response was 'maybe next time'

Awesome thread

Ilovemyself · 22/07/2013 23:04

I wish there was a like button on each post lol

pictish · 22/07/2013 23:04

Vicar - I agree with you.

However, having been hurt in the past, and finding that to open that up, just lends you to further vulnerability and ridicule, I tend to keep it well under wraps in the interests of self preservation. If someone doesn't see you as fit to make the wedding guest list at a fairly average sized wedding, they're not going to lose any sleep over your dejection. Believe me.

You may as well claw back some victory, if only for your own dignity.

In this scenario, I'd think "well at least I put her straight...like a boss!"

I'd never have let her see I was hurt. Angry yes...hurt no. I wouldn't give her the ability.

TalkativeJim · 22/07/2013 23:05

God I hope she doesn't invite you, it'll be all my fault Shock

but... I didn't think of it as fishing for an invite Pictish, but rather the kind of puzzled 'I don't understand...you would ask someone to help decorate who you have chosen to exclude? That's so inappropriate, I actually must check that I don't have this wrong...'

  • of course, if she invites you, it would be a case of 'Um, no thanks. First of all you're crass enough to send out save the date cards to people you then have no intention of inviting. Then you think it's appropriate to ask a friend that you don't want at the actual event to help do the work for it, and could you then please bugger off home. You must be on glue, bitch, if you think I'm accepting a reluctant invitation at the last minute for the pleasure of sticking up bunting for you!'
BoozyBear · 22/07/2013 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspaddy · 22/07/2013 23:06

'Decorate your halls
Well you've got some balls
You're out of luck
So off you fuck'

Idontdoironing.... ha ha ha ha ha Grin

I think I prefer following this thread more than the Crown baby news!!!!!!

doubleshotespresso · 22/07/2013 23:06

Is she for real?

SarahAndFuck · 22/07/2013 23:07

My favourite response was the plain and simple "why?"

But I'm interested to hear her reply now.

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/07/2013 23:07

pictish - you are more guarded and possibly more sensible than i! i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve but i cant really cover my feelings very well!

id not be able to carry it off....but power to your elbow if you can!

GeraldineAubergine · 22/07/2013 23:08

'I thought STD cards meant you had the clap, therefore I dont want to sit down on any seats that you have. Sorry if there has been a misunderstanding' post her some broad spectrum antibiotics and a leaflet on syphillis as a wedding gift. Jobs a goodun.

waltermittymissus · 22/07/2013 23:08

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing

Grin Grin Grin

YellowDinosaur · 22/07/2013 23:08

Proper shaking with laughter at BoozyBear's response :o

ArtexMonkey · 22/07/2013 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 22/07/2013 23:10

If she issues an emergency invite, all you have to say is "no, I think you've misunderstood. I don't actually WANT to be be bought off with a second string wedding invitation. In fact, I don't want to come to your wedding at all. I just wanted to clarify that you really were being as outstandingly rude as I thought you were. I was right."

pictish · 22/07/2013 23:11

Talkative - I knew exactly what you meant, but OP has worded it

"Hang on, have I got something wrong here? Am I actually invited? Apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick but I really thought that I wasn't."

which is different.

It sounds a little....(dare I say it) eager?

TalkativeJim · 22/07/2013 23:13

Or if she invites you just send this:

Bridezilla, you don't have a clue,
A reluctant in-vite to your do
Just to ponce up your bunting
Makes me think you're a cunting
Mad bitch who indeed is on glue

pictish · 22/07/2013 23:13

I think it's salvageable if OP listens to us, and sends Boozy's reply...word for word. Wink

Notafoodbabyanymore · 22/07/2013 23:14

Massive cross-post. Grin Loving this thread!

pictish · 22/07/2013 23:15

Notafoodbaby - that's perfect!

IDontDoIroning · 22/07/2013 23:15

Talkative Grin
That's fab
I was trying to get a rhyme with bunting that scanned

HeadfirstForHalos · 22/07/2013 23:15

I love the bridezilla baiting. The whole thread is amazingly funny Grin

This is so much better than awaiting a royal birth.

TalkativeJim · 22/07/2013 23:15

Pictish yes I do see what you mean!

Notafoodbabyanymore · 22/07/2013 23:15

Massive cross-post. Grin Loving this thread!

GeraldineAubergine · 22/07/2013 23:17

'I cant do the decorating for your wedding as I have recently discovered you are the worst kind of twatstick. Every days a school day, eh?'

pictish · 22/07/2013 23:17

Self preservation....always.
You can cry into your pillow later...and how!

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