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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/07/2013 22:14

Ironing Grin

I am laughing my head off.

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 22:15

I agree with Pictish... she will issue and emergency invite thinking that you are just holding out for one.

I would just be horrifically rude back to her and tell her to fuck right off.

TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 22:19

LOVING the poetry! Sublime!

I absolutely unequivocally will NOT be going to the wedding, not even if she backtracks like a pro and offers me money to attend. She won't anyway, but just FTR that's my official position! Grin

OP posts:
RinseAndRepeat · 22/07/2013 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 22:21

Aw bugger it. I thought I had edited 'and' to 'an'.

BalloonSlayer · 22/07/2013 22:22

OK hows about

Are YOU serious?
You don't like me enough to invite me to your wedding.
But you think I like YOU enough to spend a whole day decorating your hall so the people you DO like enough to invite to your wedding get a lovely surprise.
If that's not clear enough . . . you were wrong. I do not want to help.

pictish · 22/07/2013 22:26

Ooooh Balloon - I really like that. Dark and to the point.

SarahAndFuck · 22/07/2013 22:26

All day waiting for a Royal baby and now all night waiting for a royally entitled Bridezilla to reply.

Good for you OP Grin

nilbyname · 22/07/2013 22:31

omg this thread is MN gold I tell you! I have been waiting all day to check as I wanted to make sure there was an update....brilliant!

tidy you are the new MN queen!

I wonder what the flip your "friend" will come back with?

pictish · 22/07/2013 22:33

You see I'm sorry, but I think the reply sent was the wrong tactic.

The bride will either pull together an emergency invite, or she will kindly and patiently explain to OP again that she'd like to invite her but can't because of numbers.

It doesn't matter that at that point the OP tells her to ram it. The fact is, the OP has showed that she cared enough to either fish for an invite despite being told no already, or that she cared enough to play games about it. Anything she does after that will look like plain old sour grapes.

I wanted the OP to maintain her dignity and the upper hand, because the bride concerned deserved nothing other than a contemptuous dismissal.

I would never have showed her I cared.

SanityClause · 22/07/2013 22:36

It would be funny if she was shamed into inviting you.

You could then refuse. In which case, I would say "Tidy regrets she is unable to attend your wedding, due to personal circumstances."

And leave it at that.

Oh, and still not decorate her venue for her.

pictish · 22/07/2013 22:36

And I'll freely admit it...I play to win.

IDontDoIroning · 22/07/2013 22:36

You said save the date
I thought you were my bestie mate
But you're really tight
And never sent an invite
You want my help with balloons and flowers
Well piss off - I'm feeling sour

QuintessentialOldDear · 22/07/2013 22:37

Agree with pictish

QuintessentialOldDear · 22/07/2013 22:38

I also wonders if it is the same bride as Tantrums encountered?

ExitPursuedByABear · 22/07/2013 22:41
CookieLady · 22/07/2013 22:47

Another one agreeing with wise pictish.

giraffesCantWearSuncream · 22/07/2013 22:48

I keep snorting with laughter at - are you on glue?

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/07/2013 22:52

see, for me, i would have no qualms about letting the bride know i was hurt - but im not a game player by any stretch of the imagination. i would just tell her the truth - its hard to believe that you are friends with someone who then goes on to hurt you.
i cant see the point in pussy footing around that issue - and as i see it - that is the issue isnt it?
or have i missed the point?

its a slap in the face for the OP. i wouldnt mind admitting that if it were me.

GeraldineAubergine · 22/07/2013 22:54

You should tell her you have saved the date in order to stick pins in your eyes so unfortunately you will be otherwise engaged and put a ps saying 'lay off the crack'.

Plomino · 22/07/2013 22:56

If I'm not good enough for your wedding ,
You can stuff all the tears you are shedding .
Your hall will be shite ,
But I'll be alright ,
Cos your friendship is one that I'm shredding .

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 22:56

I'll bet my bottom dollar, Bridezilla would be expecting a pressie too.

Lmao @ 'lay off the crack' Grin

GeraldineAubergine · 22/07/2013 22:57

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing.

Plomino · 22/07/2013 22:59

But 'are you on glue' has had DH rolling his eyes at me in despair , as he's had to turn the TV up to drown out my snorting .

YellowDinosaur · 22/07/2013 23:01

Snort at 'the more you stamp on a turd the bigger it gets' :o:o:on

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