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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
Dynababy · 21/07/2013 23:16

Astounding!! Can't wait for her response!

waltermittymissus · 21/07/2013 23:24

What a cheeky cow!!!

She probably won't even bother responding since she can't get anything out of you!

Turn up to her wedding in a long white dress. I dare you! Grin

FairhairedAndFrustrated · 21/07/2013 23:29

The cheeky oul bitch!!!!

EATmum · 21/07/2013 23:53

Amazing! I was thinking along the same lines as mamadoc. But more vengeful perhaps - smearing old, old cheese on the radiators, that kind of thing?
It is an astoundingly unimaginative bride who could be this rude to an old friend whilst simultaneously giving them the opportunity to ruin their ever-so-important day ....

comingintomyown · 22/07/2013 08:21

Any news tidy ?

And thankyou for brightening my day yesterday with your funny threads Smile

chocciebickie · 22/07/2013 09:45

I get very confused with Save the date cards, perhaps its my age or the heat! We were sent one months ago by someone I worked with, acknowledge it in person and said how exciting it all was etc. I then received a fb message a few months before the wedding asking if I was planning on coming to the wedding and if I was she'd send me an invite....if not she wouldn't bother! So are you supposed to reply formally to Save the date cards? I thought it was meant just for info!
Op your reply was perfect by the way, the bride is unbelievable!

cees · 22/07/2013 09:54

Oh I love this, lets hope she comes back with something that will have us all up in arms Grin

dubstarr73 · 22/07/2013 10:22

Come back op put us all out of our misery

Mia4 · 22/07/2013 10:30

Save the date cards are a good idea imo especially if the wedding is around a more holiday time-christmas, easter, summer holds. It means that you know in advance so if you want to attend you know when to book your hols around and if you don't want to you can let them know sooner with 'sorry but we can't attend.

chocciebickie save the date cards are just a 'heads up we'd love you to come if you want to' or rather they're meant to be, not a 'heads up and save the date to be our unpaid labour' or 'heads up, you're in the pecking line but may not actually be invited' or 'heads up this is actually an invite, you est be psychic and let me know'. They are just for info.

Please update us OP, the bride is really out of order imo. Glad you told her what's what.

I swear weddings, while so great and lovely at times, bring out the worst in people. Bridezillas, Groomzillas, bridesmaid and groomsman zillas, guestzillas! I was once told that during a wedding time leading up to the day, you find some people aren't as you thought. I know of several 'guestzillas, including on who abused the couple on their wedding day over text, phone and facebook because she and her fella hadn't been invited to the very intimate 'family and close friends only' ceremony and had just been invited to the food and party after.

JerseySpud · 22/07/2013 10:49

Still lurking to see what Bridezilla says

Hubby and i are totally Shock at this

We used save the date cards because my side of the family had travel to keep in mind to get to us for our wedding.

DuchessFanny · 22/07/2013 11:13

I'm going to be very disappointed if the cheeky mare doesn't reply to your email OP ... ( i really need a life, eh ? !)

SamHamwidge · 22/07/2013 11:17

Shamelessly marking place Wink

Pubicfoothair · 22/07/2013 12:13

Update???

julieann42 · 22/07/2013 16:05

Any update yet

onetiredmummy · 22/07/2013 16:32

I love weddings. But I love bridezillas moreSmile

countingdown · 22/07/2013 16:59

Just read the whole thread, I do wonder what goes on in people's heads sometimes!!

ConfusedPixie · 22/07/2013 18:11

Marking place (another one)

What a twat she is!

98percentchocolate · 22/07/2013 18:20

Any word yet Tidy?

Jengnr · 22/07/2013 18:53

I was trying to find this before (shameless place mark)

TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 19:00

OP here. :)

I got a reply!

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 19:01

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

She clearly has no idea, does she?

OP posts:
deleted203 · 22/07/2013 19:01

I would send an email back simply saying

'You've got a fucking nerve.....'

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/07/2013 19:02

I am boggling! How can she be so dense??

diddl · 22/07/2013 19:02

Of course I'm being serious.

and I thought you'd want to invite me

nkf · 22/07/2013 19:03

Has she forgotten you aren't invited. Maybe she's had a total meltdown and thinks you are in fact the maid of honour.

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