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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
TooTabooToBoo · 21/07/2013 21:18

marking place , what a cheeky twunt!

quoteunquote · 21/07/2013 21:19

that event being the wedding itself?

No I would have a save the date card for changing the loo seat, display on mantle piece.

or have a party that day and invite all the other non invited, I bet you have more fun.

Bowlersarm · 21/07/2013 21:22

Shock at Bridezilla. Just can't get my head around people acting like this. Stand firm against your selfish ex-friend, OP.

GoSuckEggs · 21/07/2013 21:24

Erm... just marking my place to see the response!

LemonBreeland · 21/07/2013 21:31

What is with all the cheeky fecker threads atm? Is the heat getting to people or something? Grin

I'm utterly astounded at some of the things I read on mn.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 21/07/2013 21:31

Tell her to fuck the fuck off Grin

FryOneFatManic · 21/07/2013 21:35

I read this with amazement. DP and I have never bothered getting married (in 26 years) but even DP knows that save the date cards only go to people you actually plan to invite. He looked at this and said the bride is being an ignorant bitch Grin

flowersfortea · 21/07/2013 21:36

marking my place. how very rude of her, and restrained of you in your reply even though I would love to have seen her reply to one of the poems!

Plomino · 21/07/2013 21:36

It astounds me to see what people seem to think is acceptable behaviour .

Although I have to say I'm intrigued by the possible themes of the Bridezilla's decorations , after all if she wants them to be a surprise she must have something in mind. A wishing well perchance ? Bunting with ME ME ME on it ?

SkinnybitchWannabe · 21/07/2013 21:38

What a rude cow. Good on you for sending that fab replt

ViviPru · 21/07/2013 21:40

Just read entire takeaway thread. A particular highlight was the fruits lined up in size order. I'm now tempted to read the hairy Germanic Shakespearian skull tattoo thread.

I'm massively fangirling over you right now, OP. I want to peep your Instagram and everything.

TheGrandPooBah · 21/07/2013 21:41

Loving this thread - the gall of the woman!

Figgygal · 21/07/2013 21:44

Ah that is one of the rudest things I've ever heard in my life good on you OP with the response Grin

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 21:53

Oh you are all lovely!

I haven't had a reply yet, but hopefully tomorrow!

ViviPru, you are very sweet. Blush Unfortunately BIL's tattoo thread was in chat so it long ago disappeared. :(

OP posts:
AncientCrone · 21/07/2013 22:09

I need to know what happens. So pleased you sent that reply :)

TeamEdward · 21/07/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Panadbois · 21/07/2013 22:25

We got a 'save the date' memo once, and was truly miffed when we were only invited to the evening do.

We invented these things?!

ChippingInHopHopHop · 21/07/2013 22:36

I wonder if she will ever realise how rude she has been?

Pancakeflipper · 21/07/2013 22:36

Panabois- we received one too with "ooh get your hat sorted" with warning of not to clash with bridesmaids. And the invite turned out it was for the evening do. And don't turn up until after 8pm so we don't clash with any over running speeches.

As it takes 2hrs to get there and our baby sitter likes to be home by 11pm - we aren't going.

stuffs hat into back of wardrobe

PrettyKitty1986 · 21/07/2013 22:47

That's awful!
We've just sent our save the dates out...I've made two copies of the list of people they went to and put them in different places. I am so paranoid about forgetting to send someone an actual invite!

How could she not be mortified? Yanbu op

giraffesCantWearSuncream · 21/07/2013 22:48

what a cow

JackNoneReacher · 21/07/2013 23:01

She needs to read this thread.

I think one day she will squirm with shame at what she's done.

WafflyVersatile · 21/07/2013 23:11

I'm only 1 page in so doubtless irrelevant now.

''Sorry, me and the other 20 people who saved the date but weren't invited have arranged to go on a laughter therapy workshop in Mustique that weekend''.

mamadoc · 21/07/2013 23:14

Amazed no-one has suggested this (unless I missed it):

Enthusiastically agree to decorate, reassure her it is all in your capable hands she need not worry. Then take a little trip to Poundland/ tacky-hen-night-supplies-R-us or even local sex shop depending on level of outrage and purchase some very tasteful decorative items to add that little something 'extra' to her day.

NotQuiteWithItAtAll · 21/07/2013 23:15

Another place marker. Unbelievable! Loved the response.

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