to make a formal complaint about this midwife?

[INeedToKnow]

I had my baby 14 weeks ago. Physically the birth was a doddle, 2 hour labour, 3 pushes and out he popped. Mentally it was very traumatic. I spent most of those 2 hours home alone and utterly terrified, ambulance arrived 10 minutes before birth, baby was born outside in the street as I clung to the back of the ambulance. By the time I arrived at the hospital I was shaking all over and in complete shock.

I have autism and had been to the labour ward several times in preparation for the birth. My notes were very detailed about the difficulties I have with physical contact from people I don't know, my fears and anxieties and a plan as to how best to deal with them. The consultant was lovely and said that once the baby was born I could be sedated if necessary to get me through the afterbirth poking and prodding. It was all in my notes.

The midwife who dealt with me on arrival was horrible. She was cold, stone faced and didn't smile or speak to me at all. She spoke to the paramedic and the other midwife and student but not me. I felt invisible and pretty scared as I had nobody with me. She did an internal exam to see if I needed stitches and she was so rough and heavy handed with me that I started crying and begging her to stop telling her she was hurting me. She completely ignored me and carried on for what felt like forever. I must have said at least 20 times 'STOP! You're hurting me. I don't want you to do this. Please stop'.

Afterwards I was just relieved it was all over and baby was fine and all that and I was busy being a new mum. But increasingly now it's creeping into my thoughts and every time my mind goes there I start to cry.

Would I be unreasonable to make a complaint? Am I overreacting to what is a normal part of childbirth?

Wow. I'd definitely complain.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

No it's not normal, they should have spoken to you and listened to your wishes..

Complain!!! What happened is totally unacceptable. You asked her to stop and she didn't, for that alone she needs to be severely disciplined!

Complain. Midwife should have read your notes and had some idea on how to work with you

Sounds terrible. Definitely complain. It might help you move on from this horrible experience.

Complain. (I'd also see if you can get some sort of professionally-guided post-birth debrief - that sounds really traumatic and it might be beneficial to work through it. Could a senior mw or someone talk through your notes etc with you?)

Complain. (I'd also see if you can get some sort of professionally-guided post-birth debrief - that sounds really traumatic and it might be beneficial to work through it. Could a senior mw or someone talk through your notes etc with you?)

Complain. I wish I had complained about my fucking bitch midwife that I had nearly 9 years ago. (Disclaimer: I know that not all midwives are dreadful! I also had 2 attending me at my birth who were wonderfully kind and supportive).

Please complain.

Congratulations on your baby!

Please complain. Whether you have autism or not, she acted very unprofessionally. She should have stopped when you asked her the first time.

Definitely complain. That was an assaulted. If she assaulted you she has probably assaulted other women too.

Complain. Even if she hadn't read your notes then she should have listened to you when you asked her to stop.

Complain. Sadly this attitude from a midwife doesn't surprise me.

How awful for you, please do complain she was very unprofessional & her bullish attitude is actually very dangerous if she does not listen to her patients. Hope you can move on from this

God, you poor thing. That is very traumatic. To have someone, in the midst of your pain and fear, IGNORE you. I feel upset on your behalf.

I think making a complaint might give you a small sense pf control., when we've been abused, is very important. I hope you can find a way to do this that will be heard.

I think coming on here is a good first step to being listened to.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby

Someone might be able to advise on a debrief. I have seen this mentioned before on here.

Not really very helpful Twirlyhot. No need to tar an entire profession with the same brush.

What this midwife did was very poor practice and you should complain, perhaps first discussing it with PALs or the delivery suite manager. Congratulations on your baby.

Ps.

Nothing as traumatic happened to me but I did suffer flashbacks and crying fits when i thought about the birth of DS1. Talking about it helped me. I think it is OK to talk about the difficulty of even a relatively straightforward birth and not feel you have to pretend it's all OK because you got a lovely baby at the end of it

I've seen a lot of people mention on here that they were given internals without being asked first/they asked the midwife to stop and were ignored. It's a big part of a lot of people's birth trauma experience. They didn't all have the same midwife.

Yes, of course complain.

Complain. I Appreciate that midwives generally do a a brilliant job under lots of pressure, but she should have stopped when you asked. Congratulations on your new baby

It doesn't surprise me either, I was treated appallingly by a number of midwives and a doctor when I gave birth, and similarly assaulted. It was the single most terrifying experience of my life.

Complain if you are able, and I would recommend asking your GP to refer you for some counselling if you feel up to it. You tend to find that people are reluctant to discuss birth trauma in RL, I got a lot of "well never mind that now, you've got a lovely baby out of it" when really I needed to talk about it and have other people confirm that it was awful and wrong.