to make a formal complaint about this midwife?

[INeedToKnow]

I had my baby 14 weeks ago. Physically the birth was a doddle, 2 hour labour, 3 pushes and out he popped. Mentally it was very traumatic. I spent most of those 2 hours home alone and utterly terrified, ambulance arrived 10 minutes before birth, baby was born outside in the street as I clung to the back of the ambulance. By the time I arrived at the hospital I was shaking all over and in complete shock.

I have autism and had been to the labour ward several times in preparation for the birth. My notes were very detailed about the difficulties I have with physical contact from people I don't know, my fears and anxieties and a plan as to how best to deal with them. The consultant was lovely and said that once the baby was born I could be sedated if necessary to get me through the afterbirth poking and prodding. It was all in my notes.

The midwife who dealt with me on arrival was horrible. She was cold, stone faced and didn't smile or speak to me at all. She spoke to the paramedic and the other midwife and student but not me. I felt invisible and pretty scared as I had nobody with me. She did an internal exam to see if I needed stitches and she was so rough and heavy handed with me that I started crying and begging her to stop telling her she was hurting me. She completely ignored me and carried on for what felt like forever. I must have said at least 20 times 'STOP! You're hurting me. I don't want you to do this. Please stop'.

Afterwards I was just relieved it was all over and baby was fine and all that and I was busy being a new mum. But increasingly now it's creeping into my thoughts and every time my mind goes there I start to cry.

Would I be unreasonable to make a complaint? Am I overreacting to what is a normal part of childbirth?

Oh you poor thing, what an ordeal. Yes, definitely complain. Your history and specific circumstances would have been clearly set out in your notes for her to see. Although I think it's outrageous that a midwife should treat anyone like that, autistic or not. I hope you aren't too traumatised by it all, congrats on your new baby.

OP

Were you alone when you gave birth? Do you have a partner to talk to?

It's good you trust your midwife. Hope that appt goes well.

MrsMook

I intensely disliked the registrar who ended up delivering DS2. She had been rude and perfunctory at my sweep and had left me in tears, and when she was the one who came in to deliver The baby i actually groaned loudly (not on purpose, out of it on gas and air and pethidine).

She was rough when sticthing me and ignored my obvious distress and request for more pain relief. She was also rude to the midwife. Wish I'd complained about her.

soverylucky

I would expect someone who has gone through birth trauma to be more sympathetic than to trot out the, well you have baby now, midwives have a hard job, she was probably having a bad day lines.

At the end of the day, OP said no, midwife continued, it doesn't matter how shaky, confused or panicky OP was, or whether the midwife 'had a job to do', the minute OP said no she should have stopped.

I'll also say that if your patient is shaky, panicky and 'out of it' there's all the more reason to listen to them.

My DB was electrocuted when he was 5 at primary school, he almost died, when they took him to emergency he was hysterical, traumatized and in pain. He can remember the doctors and nurses around him speaking to him, explaining EVERYTHING they were doing to him and listening to him, to keep him calm. Do you think it would have helped him had they treated him like a piece of meat and just got on with their job, ignoring his feelings?

I'm sorry for your loss soverylucky and I am not attempting to upset you.

I understand that you are not trying to be malicious, I just didn't think your original post came across as being very sympathetic.

Can I just say to anyone here that you can never get over birth trama, you can - with the right support.

I had a treatment called EMDR which was brilliant. 3 sessions and all the horror was tidied away appropriately rather seeping through my every living moment.

Then I could start talking about my experience without constantly reliving it, organise an effective complaint and a plan for another baby.

All the best OP

so very, if you've experienced ptsd following a birth you would NEVER say the incredibly offensive things you have done! I said you'd get huffy and I was right.

Yes you have every reason to complain, tgat is disgusting

I don't think there has been any malice in soverylucky's posts. I also don't think it is helpful for the OP to have this arguing.

INeedToKnow, it's such a shame that all the work your consultant and you had put into preparing for what you knew would be a difficult experience, was wasted at the hands of a midwife who couldn't be bothered to read your notes. This justifies a review of what happened, and you should make a complaint.
I have only a limited knowledge of autism, so I hope you don't mind me saying this; even though you sound extremely together and so articulate, I can only imagine how terrifying this experience must have been for you.You have said that it is creeping into your thoughts and making you cry. I know that it might be very difficult to tell people close to you how you feel, but please think about speaking to someone you trust about this. Do you have anyone that can support you in dealing with what you have gone through; OH, family/friends, or an autism support worker that you can talk to?

I'm not sure what's confusing about my last post. I assumed based on your posts that you'd never suffered ptsd after a birth, which you then said you had. I expressed my shock that someone who claims to have suffered that would say the things things you have.

I'm not sure what about my posts have been offensive, but I haven't excused assault.

Definitely complain!
Some of the midwives were horrible with me, some lovely, but I wish I'd said something!