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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make a formal complaint about this midwife?

116 replies

INeedToKnow · 20/07/2013 17:09

I had my baby 14 weeks ago. Physically the birth was a doddle, 2 hour labour, 3 pushes and out he popped. Mentally it was very traumatic. I spent most of those 2 hours home alone and utterly terrified, ambulance arrived 10 minutes before birth, baby was born outside in the street as I clung to the back of the ambulance. By the time I arrived at the hospital I was shaking all over and in complete shock.

I have autism and had been to the labour ward several times in preparation for the birth. My notes were very detailed about the difficulties I have with physical contact from people I don't know, my fears and anxieties and a plan as to how best to deal with them. The consultant was lovely and said that once the baby was born I could be sedated if necessary to get me through the afterbirth poking and prodding. It was all in my notes.

The midwife who dealt with me on arrival was horrible. She was cold, stone faced and didn't smile or speak to me at all. She spoke to the paramedic and the other midwife and student but not me. I felt invisible and pretty scared as I had nobody with me. She did an internal exam to see if I needed stitches and she was so rough and heavy handed with me that I started crying and begging her to stop telling her she was hurting me. She completely ignored me and carried on for what felt like forever. I must have said at least 20 times 'STOP! You're hurting me. I don't want you to do this. Please stop'.

Afterwards I was just relieved it was all over and baby was fine and all that and I was busy being a new mum. But increasingly now it's creeping into my thoughts and every time my mind goes there I start to cry.

Would I be unreasonable to make a complaint? Am I overreacting to what is a normal part of childbirth?

OP posts:
RiotsNotDiets · 20/07/2013 18:27

Oh and a huge congratulations! Flowers

tillyfernackerpants · 20/07/2013 19:10

Congratulations on the birth of your dc Flowers

Totally shocking behaviour from the midwife. Definitely complain to the supervisor of midwives, they should sit with you and go through what happened. If they don't do anything to your satisfaction, then take it to the Chief Executive.

You may also like to speak to someone neutral about your experience. The Birth Trauma Association have a helpline and can offer you support.

I know how overwhelming everything can feel with this on top of it so please try to be kind to yourself and take care

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 20/07/2013 19:14

I found internals terribly painful. It affects me still in that i dread, and find painful, smears and mirena insertion. 10 years on.

soverylucky · 20/07/2013 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalamityKate · 20/07/2013 19:25

Whereabouts are you?

CalamityKate · 20/07/2013 19:26

I ask because one of the midwives I had was vile. A really nasty piece of work.

I bet if you're in colchester her name begins with T.

tillyfernackerpants · 20/07/2013 19:46

soverlucky this is more than the midwife having a bad day. The OP said she has difficulties with physical contact from people she doesn't know, because of this a detailed plan for her care had been drawn up, with a consultant, and was in her notes. The midwife completely ignored this and made no attempt to put the OP at ease, she basically ignored a woman in her care who was in distress.

IMO, that does deserve a formal complaint.

gordyslovesheep · 20/07/2013 19:50

yes complain - I am so sorry you went through that assault

I almost lost my second child because of a midwife who refused to listen to me or the student MW and kept shouting at me for 'not pushing properly' and being a drama queen - dd has the cord round her next 3 times and could not move

I reported her - she no longer works on the labour ward she is on post natal and I was placed away from her ward

sudointellectual · 20/07/2013 19:51

Yes, complain. You have been assaulted. I'm sorry this happened to you. Congratulations on your baby. x

courgetteDOTcom · 20/07/2013 19:53

Any procedure that is done is done with your consent (unless you are sectioned) or, more often, lack of not consenting. If you say "stop" and they continue, that is assault because they have explicit lack of consent. I've been with a mum whoop said stop during a forceps birth and they stopped until they had consent to continue, because it is always a persons right to choose what happens to their body.

Yes complain, contact The Birth Trauma Association that someone linked and consider asking to a supervisor of midwives at the hospital for a debrief. It does sound like you're suffering birth trauma, which is ptsd after a birth, so do do whatever it takes to get over it, it's not easy to enjoy your baby like this.

courgetteDOTcom · 20/07/2013 19:55

soverylucky, telling someone with BT to get over it is the most unhelpful thing you can do and can make it worse.

xylem8 · 20/07/2013 19:56

I am guessing that she arrived in the middle of a medical emergency and her priority was to assess the situation and make sure you were ok.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/07/2013 19:58

I think you should definitely complain about this! I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby Thanks

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 20/07/2013 19:58

Courgette

Good post. I think the OP needs to do what she needs to do to express her feelings and enjoy her baby.

karinmaria · 20/07/2013 20:05

Please complain. The midwife may have been acting in an emergency situation due to your birth etc but there is no excuse for handing you in such a way after you have repeatedly asked her to stop. The very least she should have done was stop and tell you what she was doing and why so you had more choice and control.

The hospital I gave birth in were so good at asking permission and offering gentle explanations and reasons, especially so during more scary parts of my labour. I'm sorry you didn't have a similar experience.

Congrats on your lovely baby!

MiaowTheCat · 20/07/2013 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 20/07/2013 20:06

I had ds 7 weeks ago. When I went in to be examined I happily go myself in the position to be examined (I was very keen to see if I was 4cm as 4cm = gas and air) but the midwife would still say "I am going to examine you now - is that ok with you" and wouldn't start until I said yes.

That is because you have the right to refuse! To carry on is assault. It could possibly be seen as acceptable if to stop would be to put the baby at severe risk (although in fact you still have that right) but what was the worst that would happen here - you would not get stitches when you need them? Well - it is your body so you have the right to make that decision. People are allowed to make bad decisions about their health. If she thought you were not "of sound mind" then she needs to get two doctors to agree to section you.

(I'm not saying it was a bad decision - I'm saying that even if you would have died without those stitches you can still say no. Eg Jehovah's witnesses and blood transfusions.)

HotCrossPun · 20/07/2013 20:07

xylem8 - Where does the OP say it was a medical emergency?

The midwife was checking to see if the OP needed stitches. There was absolutely no reason to be heavy handed and rough and then continue when the OP asked her 20 times to stop.

It's unacceptable and is akin to acting as if a pregnant womans' body is not her own.

Complain OP, and congratulations on your new arrival Thanks

edam · 20/07/2013 20:11

Yes, do complain. The suggestion about contacting the Birth Trauma Association for support is very sensible.

I made a complaint about a midwife who gave me a sweep without warning, much less consent. I was very pleased with the outcome - a full apology and a detailed explanation of the steps they were taking to make sure it didn't happen again, both for that individual midwife but also for the whole team.

maja00 · 20/07/2013 20:17

soverylucky, women retain legal and moral autonomy over their bodies, even when they are pregnant or have recently given birth Hmm

If you do not consent to an internal exam, or ask the person performing it to stop and they continue anyway, it is assault. That's what the midwife did wrong.

FamiliesShareGerms · 20/07/2013 20:19

Complain - this doesn't have to be a big, aggressive complaint, you can simply write asking for an explanation of what happened. This could provide you with some details to help you make sense of it, decide if you want to take things further, or at least remind the ward that you had things in your birth plan for a reason and they might be better with someone else in a similar position.

Congratulations on your baby

marriedinwhiteagain · 20/07/2013 20:20

Assuming you weren't in physical danger due to any life threatening complications OP I don't think there was any reason why the midwife coukd not have scanned your notes, engaged with you, secured your confidence and been kind and gentle by NURSING you before examining and treating you.

From what you have said she assaulted a vulnerable adult and that is a serious safeguarding issue. I would get in touch with PALs and your MP if I were you.

I'm really sorry you have gone through this OP but congrats on your boy and for being a mummy HUGS virtual of course xxx

courgetteDOTcom · 20/07/2013 20:23

You can't get more an emergency than the lady I mentioned before, but they still stopped when she said. We don't have personhood laws in the UK, mums choice comes first. My BT came from an emergency birth, I was under ga and baby out within half an hour and that was with her in a difficult position that they had to make a second cut. Still I had had three consent forms explained and signed in that time because consent is key to anything.

It took me 2.5 years to get over my BT and it affected many relationship with my daughter. It's not selfish, it's not a choice and you don't just get over it, you can't choose to get over it any more than you choose to have it. If you don't get that give your kids a big hug and kiss and tell yourselves "thank fuck I don't know what BT means." and next time, avoid giving advice on BT or saying anything other than how sorry you feel for them and to talk to an som about it.

maja00 · 20/07/2013 20:24

Even if the midwife didn't read the OP's notes, it doesn't really matter - not assaulting your patient should be the first thing any HCP does, regardless of who the patient is.

Flatasawitchestit · 20/07/2013 20:24

Twirly that's a bit of a sweeping statement......

Contact PALS, and have some debriefing.

Congrats on your baby.

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