When cultures Clash..I refuse to give my father-in-laws name to my son.

[orangebee1]

Ladies, last week i delivered twins, one boy and one girl. My husband is Greek and tradition here dictates that the grandson must be named after the grandfather.
I am English and it's unthinkable to me that i can't choose my son's name. I am happy to have the grandfather's name (Yiorgos) as a middle name, but certainly not the first one and am insisting that my huband and i find a name we BOTH want.

I delivered by c-section and after two days (when i was still in the hospital recovering!) what should have been a joyous occasion turned into tears and arguments over the name choices - i wrote the names my husband and i had agreed on on facebook and his family saw and all hell broke lose.

My husband was so taken upset by his family's reaction, he was crying and distressed and finally changed his mind about the names.

As yet the babies are unamed and referred to as "the boy" and "the girl".
His sister says to me "you have three children now, what is it to name one of them after the grandfather - he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on".

Am i being unreasonable??? Would you name your child a name you really do not like at all to keep the peace???

It all sounds very messy and why has a christening come into it , I am confused !

The child himself will have an opinion. If I was the child I would be refusing to answer to difficult people who insisted on a different name.

I do think that you ought to talk to DH and tell him that it is a formal name, he is expected to call him by his everyday name, he will introduce him as his everyday name, he will go to school with his everyday name and his parents can go out on a limb if they wish to sound odd.

Glad you've been able to compromise and that you get to call him the first name you want.

Do you really expect his family to respect your wishes though and call him his real name in your home?

As for the Christening, I'd let it go tbh. Try and see it as a cultural tradition rather than a religious one.

How has your husband been with you? its his change of stance that concerns me more than anything.

Hmm, doesn't sound like much of a compromise to me. You've given an awful lot of ground here I think.

I have said all along that you need compromise- as it stands it is not compromise- you have given way and will be the outsider who uses a different name. It isn't fair.

Sorry OP, I've just read it again.

If they're able to call him Yiorgos in your house then its not actually a compromise is it?

Sounds like they are getting their own way.

Hope you're ok, you really don't need this right now.

Does your DH see he has been horrid and unsupportive towards you?

So you're agreement not to call your child Yiorgis before marriage has been over ridden.

You wish not to christen your children is over ridden.

Your husband has been pretty unpleasant towards you in defending his families traditions which he previous said he wasn't really into.

If you go ahead with this compromise, be sure your child will be called Yiorgis by everyone everywhere.

I'd go thro with the proposal if you're happy with that.

It would be more of a compromise if he was George.

it looks like they have absolutely no respect for you and your feelings. you gave birth to him, not your FIL.

Another delurker, your compromise sounds like its a sneaky way of conning you into having your ds constantly called Yiorgos. It sounds to me as pretty much everywhere you go he will be called Yiorgos. Your dh needs to grow a pair and stop bullying you.

orange, we did this, our pil never called him Yiorgos, as it was not the first name. He was given both names at christening, didn't matter.

Where will the christening be?

The pil will still be insulted if you call him by your name.

OP: Glad for you that it is sorted.
You can now enjoy being a family.

Ignore the nutters on here who would prefer you to LTB.

You will look back and laugh about this in future years.
Best wishes to you all.

At what point has anyone said LTB???

The proposed compromise is no compromise at all. It's an underhand attempt to effectively force you to name your DS Yiorgos, by making it so that you are the only person calling him by his correct given name. In detail:

1. This is fine and a sensible way forward. The child has one UK name and one Greek name to reflect his heritage.
2. I think it's fine for the Greek family to call him by his Greek name when he's visiting them. It is not OK for them to ignore his given name in your house. At your house, he is called by the name you have chosen.
3. This is a red herring, an attempt to distract you from the main argument. Whether or not to christen the children is a seperate issue, and one that you should argue over at a much later stage (as it will be extremely sensistive!).

So I would insist on your side of the bargain being respected when folk are under your roof. And say that you will discuss the christening issue later, when you feel up to it. For what it's worth, I wouldn't capitulate--if the child is to be christened, it should be with the names in the correct order. As a sweetener, I would offer to add in a third Greek family forename as a christening name.

Um,one question?
What is your husband planning on calling him? Particularly when at his family's house?
I can see a situation where immediate family call him one thing and slightly more extended family another might work,but I'm not sure about the scenario where everyone calls him Yiorgos except for you,which your compromose sounds as if it might be?

I hope the OP stops reading this thread now.
All this criticism of her could be upsetting.

Even with this, they're still going to be offended every time they hear you calling him by "your" name. It will be a reminder to them that you would not follow their tradition, even of they did get their way on most of it.
I reckon it would be better to pull the sticking plaster off in one go, call him what you originally intended, and let them deal with it.

Timeofchange are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? Noone has told the OP to LTB and no one is criticising her either.
ANd it has NOT been sorted. She asked what we thought of the proposal. That doesn't mean she's accepted it.