When cultures Clash..I refuse to give my father-in-laws name to my son.

[orangebee1]

Ladies, last week i delivered twins, one boy and one girl. My husband is Greek and tradition here dictates that the grandson must be named after the grandfather.
I am English and it's unthinkable to me that i can't choose my son's name. I am happy to have the grandfather's name (Yiorgos) as a middle name, but certainly not the first one and am insisting that my huband and i find a name we BOTH want.

I delivered by c-section and after two days (when i was still in the hospital recovering!) what should have been a joyous occasion turned into tears and arguments over the name choices - i wrote the names my husband and i had agreed on on facebook and his family saw and all hell broke lose.

My husband was so taken upset by his family's reaction, he was crying and distressed and finally changed his mind about the names.

As yet the babies are unamed and referred to as "the boy" and "the girl".
His sister says to me "you have three children now, what is it to name one of them after the grandfather - he has only one life and waited all of it until this day for his name to be passed on".

Am i being unreasonable??? Would you name your child a name you really do not like at all to keep the peace???

[Backpaw]

Hubby needs to go to his parents for a face to face. The OP has backed down and they are still stropping! He needs to stand up to them and tell them that the OP has agreed to this and they need to show her some respect for allowing her son to be named after the GF. It's an honour for him, not a flippin right!

[musicismylife]

When I was fostered, my foster parents used my middle name as a first name, for which I am known as. I am still known as my original name on my birth certificate.

As far as I can see it, it was my foster parents who would be calling me in for tea, calling me in from the garden, calling me in for a bath, when I was small. Why on earth should they call a name that they didn't like?

[ZolaBuddleia]

So, OP, are they all under the impression that he is called Yiorgos after you said that to MIL?

[ljny]

If you get railroaded into the ceremony and the name Yiorgos is used will you ever be able to rebuild your relationship with your DH?

More important is your relationship with your son.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rotten time, after all you've been through. Please don't let yourself be railroaded. YOU are the most important person in your baby's life.

And you don't need to call them 'baby girl' and 'baby boy'. Just use the names you & your husband already agreed.

If it feels odd, start by talking to the babies using their own names. It will become natural, you'll find yourself using their names to the rest of the family.

Sod family reactions, these are your babies. So sorry the family is treating you so badly. (( ))

[SlangWhanger]

I feel so sorry for you OP

I would still be going for OPs choice first name Yiogis middle name with the greek part of the family being able to call him Yiogos. For the Christening I would also go with OPs choice first name and Yiogos middle name.

Your DH and his family are being ridiculous and mean.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

"i called his mother afterwards and said "the boy will be called yiorgos" and told her to please call my husband so everything would be OK, but they didn't, and i find that disgusting."

But, but, OP, you are just a woman. what you said there, does not really count! Remember, you are in Greece.

[Backpaw]

I would explain to hubby that agreeing to the name is a Fucking Big Thing and that it was a hard decision to make and that he ought to be bloody grateful and show massive respect to me for the rest of my natural, not only for agreeing to the name but also going through the ordeal of fertility treatment, pregnancy and birth of three wonderful children.

I would also expect the message to be passed onto all relevant family members with or without the caveat 'you can all kiss my big fat arse for eternity'. And for it never ever to be brought up again (or I'd mutter 'its never too late to offically change a name').

[TimeofChange]

I don't think we in the UK understand the power of The Greek Family.

If the naming is such a massive thing for them, then that is the way it is.

Op has no family here, how could she possibly put herself in a position where she has no family in Greece?

I suppose she could live on the streets with two babies and a child.

The Social Security system has collapsed with the economy in Greece.

I don't think the name is important. The way she is generally treated is.
She says SILs are lovely and are helping. That is wonderful.

OP Best wishes to you all.
May you look back at these few days and laugh in a few months time.
Enjoy your babies.

[anonacfr]

May you look back at these few days and laugh in a few months time

It sounds like it might have gone beyond that unfortunately.

[McNewPants2013]

Op I don't know what it is like in Greece, but if family is important then what means more to them a name or the family member as an individual.

[CPtart]

What is supposed to be a wonderful special time for you has been somewhat soured by all this. I would never ever forget that.

I have a sad inkling that if is is the state of power relations in your marriage going forward you may well be on your own with the DC in years to come and stuck calling your DS a name not of your choosing.

Best wishes.

[TimeofChange]

I have a friend who is from a Greek Cypriot family, she calls her 6 year son, 'the baby' all the time.

Cultural differences!

[anonacfr]

Hope you're ok OP!

[honeythewitch]

I am very sorry to hear of your difficulties. I can understand how you do not want to give your son a name you have not chosen and do not like, but looking at it from your son's point of view, if he is Greek, living in Greece with mostly Greek relatives, he is likely to want to be the same as all the other boys and have the name that he is expected to.

Do you think it would be possible to give him the name as a first name and find another variant you could all use as a nickname? I rather like the Cornish "Jory" but there are dozens to choose from. I am not sure if I can give the link (only just joined) but if it doesn't work look up "Behind the name" and it will take you to the list......www.behindthename.com/name/yiorgos

If you give your child his family name I am sure that very soon you will think of it as the most wonderful name in the world, because it belongs to your son, and his Greek family will come to accept a nickname, because you have followed their wishes.

I hope this will all pass very quickly and you can enjoy your lovely family. x

[Laquitar]

OP i haven't read all the thread but what about your dd, is she going to have an english name/? You probably know it this Greeks celebrate name days in a big way and i know that George's day is usually fab at least in Cyprus so my worry is that your son will have that very special day and your dd wont unless she has a popular greek name too? And as they are twins that will be even more unfair, like if you are in uk and your twin brother has 2 birthdays and one of them is a huge occasion. These things sound silly to us adults but are important to children.

[anonacfr]

honeythewitch I doubt the GPs would 'accept' any nicknames. The Op called them to say her son would be named Yiorgos and they still haven't/hadn't calmed down.

[honeythewitch]

I know the parents were still furious even after she gave in, but I dont think they will stay angry for ever. If they do then it is very sad but there is nothing more that the OP can do other than give her son the required name. I think nicknames are quite common there aren't they? It is a very difficult situation for everyone.

[Laquitar]

OP, to cheer you up a bit, the name is good here in uk especially today. If it is good enough for Katie....

[Backpaw]

And me! It has to be George Alexander now!

[QuintessentialOldDear]

Do you think poor Kate had a real choice in name?

[crunchbag]

At least Kate would have been aware of the little choice she had unlike orangebee

Hope you and your babies are ok.

[jamdonut]

Well, I think you should just call him George and let the rest of the family call him Yiorgis (isn't that George Michael's real first name?).

I think you are in a horrible situation, but at least this way you can argue you are using the anglicised form, AND it is a current name, now, due to the Cambridges.

[Twostep]

I like George - but I suppose if it wasn't the OPs (and hubbys) first choice then it doesn't matter.

I hope the family have calmed down and got off their respective high horses.

Are they like this about everything? Are there more 'cultural' landmines that the OP needs to consider for the babies (what they eat/drink and when, if they go to nursery, what they wear, ear piercing, school, friends.....).

[TheQueenOfSparta]

"But, but, OP, you are just a woman. what you said there, does not really count! Remember, you are in Greece."

Oh please! I am Greek and live in Greece, this hardly Iran where women have no say!
Women in Greece do not take their husband's last by law. And we can choose our DC's names. It is tradition, yes, but only very old-fashioned people follow it. My sister and her DH chose the names they liked and no one made a fuss about it.