To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

[Bluebell99]

My son's school states some such rubbish as valuing each child and encouraging them to reach their potential, and yet it is the same children that are chosen for sports day and awards. Recently the school was awarded a grant, for a specific purpose, and they have used it to organise extra curriculum activities. I was invited to an award ceremony to recognise their achievements. Aibu to be disappointed that the children that won prizes are the same confident children that always win everything, and that there had been some extra invitation only expensive activities that only these kids took part in?! Is it a self fulfilling prophecy, that confident children get these opportunities? I was shocked at how inarticulate one of the popular kids was, who had been sent on a expensive summer school and asked to give feedback. It made me realise how low the aspirations are at this school. And instead of feeling inspired, I am feeling that my children are never going to get opportunities to meet their potential at this school. :(

My own high school was a not particularly great comp, I was academic and won a lot of prizes for those particularly in English, in Year 9 I won 2 prizes, one for being the only 1 to read through a 20 book list. They could hardly give it to someone else. In general I'm in favour of academic rewards because I went to a school were the sporty kids were also the popular crowd so it was nice to get something.

However, I do agree with the point about opportunity, at my school there was one teacher who was very enthusiastic about extra curriculars involving, singing, school events, representing the school, and church youth stuff.

He was also a massive dick who did not like me at all. At a certain point it became that the same 8 girls were ALWAYS asked to these events, sometimes they would give me the time for rehearsal and I would just have to show up.

At some point later I realised that all the children he picked fit a certain category
a) girls ALWAYS
b) pretty AND slim ALWAYS never chubby or plain
c) came from "good homes" ie parents still together and attending church

I think that awards are and should be merit based but sometimes opportunity to do things is favouritism.

That said : they do sometimes make a non-merit based fuss of kids in the care system. That I do support. Their lives are tough enough, they may as well get a bit extra.

I have worked in both junior and senior schools for the past few years and it's generally easy to pick very early on who the prize-winners are going to be . They're the kids who do what's asked of them, often more. They're quiet and well-behaved are never given warnings or punishments for poor conduct. They hand in homework on time and they'll try to complete their task regardless of the disruption that's going on around them. They don't all come from 'pushy' parents, or have a narcissist working in the background.

These pupils are the 3yr olds who could sit on the carpet and listen to the story without fidgeting. They have interests out of school that aren't restricted to TV or X-box games. They can sit without a screen in front of them in public places and remember their manners.

I don't know what the magic formula is for making children like this - maybe they're born this way or maybe the parenting is the key (although siblings can be very different!) but the school knows that it can rely on these kids to attend an out-of-school event and give it 100%. They know that these kids can be crammed with preparation and will take on a challenge without becoming flaky. Many of these pupils will go on become managers and leaders and the prizes and accolades they get at school keep them spurred on to be more competitive with themselves and others. Other pupils just can't be relied upon to put in the same effort, despite having the same intelligence or ability.

It's not all about who you know or how involved the parents/carers are in the school, certainly it hasn't been in my experience.

I think good Head Teachers can make sure that an awards ceremony gives the children something to work towards. One of the best schools I ever worked in had a HT who hated awards, but had to do them (it was a thing at that time) so she made sure that as well as naturally gifted children winning prizes that there were also prizes for effort and the likes.

My DS is at that school now and there's a boy in his year who is incredibly talented at sport. I wouldn't be surprised if this kid becomes a professional sportsman when he grows up so it's natural that he'll win a lot of prizes. However, the fact that the HT has a sporting effort award. The talented lad has won one year too - if he works hard he's got just as much chance, but last year he coasted at the local schools championships and was just more talented (his words were that he couldn't be bothered because he was saving his energy for paintballing) one of the other kids won it. Now all the kids know if they work hard they can win. It's the same with the maths and literacy prizes.

I did work in one school where it was very badly done. PTA Queen Bee's DD won everything the girls could win and ex HT's grandson won all the boys prizes, but tbh the prize giving was the least of your worries if you had a child at that school.

^I agree that indeed that's life and of course hard workers and high achievers should be rewarded. It doesn't really make sense to do it any other way.

It do sometimes feel sad for the average kid like my son. He is good at sports not great. He try hard at school, but does not acheive high marks. He is always in the 2nd or third row of any performance, never a lead part. He didn't get voted Head Boy or House Captain. He is an average, well mannered quiet kid who has loads of pals and is never in trouble.

The brighter, louder kids get lots of attention, and the troubled kids, or the SEN kids gets lots of attention too (quite rightly). Kids like mine just live under the radar, and I think it's ok to feel sad about that sometimes.^

All the arguments on this thread boil down to this excellent summary.

Perhaps the only winners are the children of those parents who just deal with any outcome in ways that can bolster their own child's self esteem, without being derogatory, bitter or jealous of anyone else's….

This (as a parent of two DC who are mediocre). I think my two recognise the achievements their peers are honoured for and are proud of them.

I read an interview with Joe Root, the Yorkshire and England cricketer, who reminisced that although he was extremely good at sport at school he constantly missed out on awards because there was a girl at his school who always won them instead; infuriatingly, she seemed to be good at everything.

Her name? Jessica Ennis.

Dd1 rarely gets anything which has never made sense to me. She's top of the class in numeracy and literacy (school displays what levels dc are on on a board) yet she is never clutching a certificate. I don't get it at all but dd has never mentioned it so I've left it.

I can agree to both opinions here.
My G&T son just left primary school, lots of awards and lots of praise and recognition.
Yes, he deserved it. Yes, it was nice seeing my son up their on stage. Yes, I felt respected as a parent.

Now my remaining children at the SAME school are on school action. No, they aren't as academically bright as my eldest. No, they don't get awards. No, school staff don't seem to respect me as a parent anymore, now I am frowned upon for my poor parenting.
Last year it was all 'you should be proud, he is a reflection of you' and now it's issue after issue after issue and having fingers pointed at me for their lack of academic ability.
No I'm not over exaggerating. This is exactly how it is.
I feel sorry for my kids. I feel really angry.

It depends on the school.

DS is G&T. At infant school, he never won anything, was never picked for anything and was discouraged from answering in class. The awards and rewards went to the badly behaved and disruptive or the "star" families.

At his junior private school, he won awards and prizes - too many. The other parents began to peeve so, in later years, he didn't win so much. He didn't seem to mind either way.

Now at senior school, he wins awards again, couldn't care less and usually forgets to tell us about them!

DD summed up the current infant school policy when I congratulated her on being star of the week:
"Oh, Mummy! We all have a turn!!"

I never one a single award at school. I ended up with a PhD and a successful career. The biggest factor, IMO, was that my parents never pushed for achievement or results. They only ever said "just do your best". I tried to do the same with my DC and now one's telling me I didn't push them enough

Won not one !!

Makes me wonder on the ethos at schools - so the children have a certain attitude to them -

So if everyone gets star of the week it's not hard to earn one so doesn't mean much - or if there if one child who wins everything others needn't bother - etc

The "naughty kids gets stickers for expected behaviour so getting sticker isn't seen as a good thing!!

Yes I think it is the face fitting factor, particularly at primary school. Although my kids were bright, well behaved, high achieving their faces didn't fit. They did something outside school and were joint winners of a national award, in the national papers, on the local BBC news. Suddenly the Head was all over them like a rash, school so proud etc. Made me sick.

I can see both sides I have one very confident child who wins a fair bit and one who doesn't.
It does irk me that my child who isn't confident doesn't get opportunities & is overlooked because she doesn't shove her face in the teacher's all the time and neither do I.
School has a music event tonight & it's basically one or two children doing the majority of the acts, the solos my dc would have liked to audition for but because over confident child's pushy mum pays for extra singing lessons with this teacher, violin lessons, members of several youth choirs & orchestra I can't afford all that & my lovely quiet dd doesn't even get a chance to show she can sing

My DS very quiet and shy hates pubic speaking and is always a back ground child in plays - he needs to build confidence in this area - yet is never picked - even a one liner -

The loud child is always picked -

Hate these show off the school plays .... It should be an opportunity for the pushy kids to step back and let someone else show they can do it - after all they are only compared to current peers and not to the outside world

I get it op. The gifted kids get recognition and the naughty kids get praise for just turning up to lessons or behaving as they should. Unfortunately it is the kids in the middle being left out and being sent the message they aren't good enough.

It depends:

1 - what categories of awards there are. All traditional "excellence" like academia and sport? What about creative stuff? service to the community? etc. And most importantly - progress. By definition, those who were always talented and excellent are less likely to win these, which is a good thing. there should be prizes for people who have worked hard at something that didn't come naturally and achieved better than they thought they could.

2 - how success is quantified. there need to be fair and transparent metrics

3 - this is CRUCIAL - what the prizes are.

If you have a ceremony where people get up on stage at assembly and get given applause and a token, then yes, go ahead, give all the prizes to the same 6 people if they're the "best". (although rewards for community service and progress might mitigate this effect)

If the prizes, on the other hand, are cultural or educational opportunities, then this approach is UTTERLY ABOMINABLE. opportunities to do something different should, by definition, be offered first to those who aren't succeeding at what is automatically on offer. It's the people who aren't destined, since they were 6, to walk off with 10 A* at GCSE who need to build confidence and see that the world is a wider place full of unexpected opportunities for interesting talents and approaches.

(Full disclosure: so far my very young children show no signs of struggling, thank goodness, and I am not writing this because I am standing up for them and see them as disadvantaged)

-life is a competition- , bloody hell bit late in the day for me to discover this now !

I remember being ridiculously proud of DD when she completed a cross country run at primary school . Not a natural athlete at all , she kept going until the end , lots of other children had dropped out along the way upset because they weren't at the front of the field of runners , but DD just kept going , she finished second to last of those who kept running , but she finished it !

That to me is what we should be teaching our children , sometimes the odds are stacked against you , you might not be the absolute best at what you are attempting , but if you try your best and keep going you will always still be in the race .

You do realise that most Olympians start showing promise at school and work their way through junior competition, under 18s, under 18s, under 20s etc on the learning process to becoming successful seniors. To miss out on this development process to make some children's parents feel better at school is short sighted.

There is a learning opportunity here. Encourage your child to find out what the successful children at sports are doing and copy them, or do more. Are they eating a better diet than your child? Are they training more in their own time than your own child? Are they simply working harder? Is your child more of a long distance runner than a sprinter, or a thrower rather than a jumper?

^^ this with bells on from lesmissabs

Drama, sport - if you want your child to win these awards then put the effort in out of school. Sign them up to a drama group or sports club. If that's too much trouble then don't whinge!

There has been some research in the usa on birth dates which I think relates very much to the uk. Children who are born late in the academic year mature both mentally and physically later, therefore (everything else being equal) it is more likely that those whose birthday is earlier in the year will win sport and academic prizes if based solely on performance, the effect of this is that get praise and are even more motivated. Children say born in the last few months of the academic year are not likley to catch up physically until late primary - of course there are exceptions and other factors can have an impact but in general the system favours early birthdays

Drama, sport - if you want your child to win these awards then put the effort in out of school. Sign them up to a drama group or sports club. If that's too much trouble then don't whinge!

Yeah because everyone can afford to sign there DC up to umteen amount of clubs

In one primary school my DC went to. It was more based on 'if your face fit' rather then anything else.

Same DC in lead roles in plays, reading poems in assembly, awards of star of the week, these were usually the 'popular kids'
With 'perfect parents', not under Achiever's, and not hard working top of the class.

Funny because halfway through the school my friend signed her DC up to a very good drama club, they did plays and made films one went to a film festival

The DC were fantastic.

But come the Christmas play, the usual suspects were rolled out, stood woodenly on stage speaking their lines like little robots. My friends DC were on the back row not speaking and not really seen.

I think primary schools can be so different, in how they approach this.

Some go with the 'face fits', some just celebrate the achievements of the best. Some actually manage to to get a happy medium of effort and achievement.

It's pot luck which one a primary school is.

Being born in the first third of the year is the best for sport as age grouping is usually done by age on 31 Dec or 1 January (swimming tends to be your age on day of competition). Sport done by age groups instead of school years that is.