To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

[Bluebell99]

My son's school states some such rubbish as valuing each child and encouraging them to reach their potential, and yet it is the same children that are chosen for sports day and awards. Recently the school was awarded a grant, for a specific purpose, and they have used it to organise extra curriculum activities. I was invited to an award ceremony to recognise their achievements. Aibu to be disappointed that the children that won prizes are the same confident children that always win everything, and that there had been some extra invitation only expensive activities that only these kids took part in?! Is it a self fulfilling prophecy, that confident children get these opportunities? I was shocked at how inarticulate one of the popular kids was, who had been sent on a expensive summer school and asked to give feedback. It made me realise how low the aspirations are at this school. And instead of feeling inspired, I am feeling that my children are never going to get opportunities to meet their potential at this school. :(

[VerlaineChasedRimbauds]

I'm not sure it's very easy to get this right - and I applaud cory's posts.

I think it would be better just to have a very few awards - and to explain that awards are great, but they are not all that matters.

If you have loads of different awards for all sorts of things, you have two possible outcomes:

1. Everyone gets an award of some kind - so the awards themselves are devalued. Most children are not fooled by this, and I don't think it would be an altogether good thing if they were.
   

1. Lots of people (but not everyone) get awards and those that don't feel very sad indeed because LOTS of other people did.
   

If your children's self-esteem is being battered by it - rather than yours, as a parent - then surely your job is to bolster their self esteem by means other than school awards.

[ArtemisatBrauron]

I am a teacher at senior school and this attitude from parents really gets my goat... I had a parent call me up to complain because their child didn't get an academic prize and "one child in the same year got 6 or 7 prizes"... well, sorry but that child got higher exam marks than your child in every subject, so there's not much I can do about it.
The academic prizes are awarded on numerical scores alone, not on whose parents are involved in school or who our "favourites" are.

I will never understand the aversion to meritocracy in this country. The same pupils who "win everything" will probably also get 11 A grades at GCSE and 3-4 A/A grades at A-level. That will then give them an advantage over those with mixed A/B/C grades. Should we take their A*'s off them and share them around equally?!

Keeping your children off school because they didn't win a prize is ridiculous and petty - they should be able to feel pleased for those who did win and celebrate with them, you're just teaching them to be sore losers by removing them.

[flatpackhamster]

ArtemisatBrauron

If I could print your post out and nail it to the heads of the all-must-have-prizes lot, I would. Fucking A.

[muppetthecow]

Just read my post back - want to clarify, I don't think that everyone should get awards, only that the awards that are given should reflect a variety of achievements as opposed to just sporting or academic.

I'm also not a huge fan of big awards ceremonies at primary school full-stop. We just had a community spirit award, the house shield (we had four school houses and house points), a certificate was given to the child from each year group who had achieved the highest test results at the end of the year, and each class teacher picked one child in their class who they thought had worked especially hard/improved/excelled that year which was left at their discretion. Secondary school children are generally much more able to appreciate and understand why so-and-so got an award when they themselves didn't...

[jacks365]

My children's ex primary went too far the other way, they had a weekly award that was used to encourage effort and good behaviour but those who could be relied on got ignored and the rewards near enough always went to those who struggled with learning or behaviour. The school had two exceptional pupils who were both academic and sporty neither of whom won anything until they moved up to secondary school. My own child turned round to me and said you only get rewarded if you are naughty, at that point I changed their school

[Miggsie]

My DD was at a school where the fancy dress prize always went to the child of the PTA chair. Hmmmm - even the kids twigged that one, and that was unfair.
They also used to give drama parts to random children tho "build their confidence" which was purgatory for some poor kids who really really didn't want to be on a stage.
I found at my school the most biassed item by far in the school calendar was the casting of the school play. Drama teachers favourites every time. You could cast it yourself she was so blatant.

If a prize is awarded as an absolute: top mark in a subject, highest mark in an exam, fastest time at 100m then inevitably there will only ever be a small number of children in the running for such prizes.

Form prizes awarded by subjective teacher appraisal generally go to girlie-swot goodie-two shoes types. If a form prize is awarded for best achievement in exams overall then it will generally go to the same child all the way through school.

DD's present school does do prizes: music prize obviously goes to the child who practises instruments 3 hours a day and goes to the Royal College of Music at the weekend - they can't not give the prize to that child. The awarding of it is almost irrelevant.
They also do prizes for iniative and volunteering and charity work - and anyone could theoretically have a crack at that. Interestingly - that is where all the socially awkward boys seem to congregate.

So it would be nice to have some form of effort or "most improvement" prize otherwise it ends up a procession of the same few kids each time. Sports is a tricky one - every race has to be a winner. Perhaps there could be wacky team sports? My DD didn't win any race individually at sports day but her House own overall so she felt ok.

Any prize giving means 29 or so kids don't get anything. Perhaps school is the palce to start learning most of us are irrdeemably ordinary - or should school have to recognise progress as more important not innate ability?????

[exoticfruits]

Some children would find winning a prize an ordeal- they don't want to be singled out. I can't think that I won many prizes at school- I only remember winning 'most progress for swimming' and I would rather not have done, it was only because I was a non swimmer, scared of getting my face wet, at the start. DS3 got a prize for French but he never kept up the early promise and therefore we always had rather an inflated view of his abilities. He also got student of the month and a voucher,
but we only found out by accident, a term later.
Like most people, my DCs and I went through school without many prizes and yet are reasonably successful, well balanced people.

I always get the impression on MN that many parents want to live through their DCs - they want the child on centre stage in productions, the one who is chosen for teams, the madly popular one who is invited to every party etc and yet their DC is probably like me and doesn't want any of it.

[willyoulistentome]

I am considering keeping him off not because he won;t be getting an award but because his Asperger's syndrome means that not getting an award will mean that he will question me..almost constantly... why he didn't get anything..all summer. He will feel very hurt.

Why can;t school shut the fuck up about how bloody clever and wonderful a small group of kids are. We all know that some people are life's winners and some are life's losers. It doesn't have to pointed out again and again, who is who.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

willyyou your reasons for keeping your DS off school that day seem pretty sensible tbh.

[LadyBryan]

We have an awards ceremony - one for infants and one for juniors.

I have no clue about the Juniors, but not one of the children who won a prize at Infant Awards has a parent in the friends of the school.

My daughter won at Sports Day this year. And won the Form prize.

Throughout the year there's a weekly merit award, they also get given their badges for piano, speech & drama, gym, swimming in assembly.

I think the "every child should get an award for taking part" really waters down the achievements for everyone.

Muppet - I think you right for some children, yes, but it isn't a rule of thumb. My girl is the brightest, happiest little soul known to man. Whilst her report was absolutely outstanding academically, she was also praised for kindness, politeness, friendliness. She's flown this year - and is so, so happy

[OrmirianResurgam]

With regard to my eldest son, I absolutely agree with you. He never seemed to get awards for anything. He is not a joiner and doesn't put himself forward.

Fast forward a few years and now I have a DD that collects so many acheivement certificates it must take an entire tree to make them. It's almost embarrassing (but not quite ). She gets picked for all kinds of inter-school competitions and the team usually wins.

I no longer mind so much..... They are different people.

[lainiekazan]

I started a thread like this a week or two ago.

I am very much against the "prizes for all" philosophy - ludicrous. But I discovered that the Head at dd's school had organised a series of enrichment activities for the same certain children - trip to Houses of Parliament, another to sketch at National Gallery, canoeing and so on. now, these "certain children" weren't g&t, nor did they have special situations, they were the push themselves forward confident ones who the Head knows. I am still incredulous that a Head could show such blatant favouritism.

Reading this thread one feels that the teacher's pet syndrome is alive and well.

[OrmirianResurgam]

Mind you they are in secondary so probably not relevant

FWIW my youngest, still in primary, gets nothing either. Nor will he, ever, I suspect. Until they introduce an award for nerdy knowledge about dinosaurs or beetles that does not require him to write anything or organise his thoughts coherently.....

[twistyfeet]

Primamry schools are more than capable of helping everyones acheivements stand out. dd's school has some severely disabled children who clearly arent going to win at sports or painting or musical instruments but the school manages to recognise their acheivemnts as well. As it should be. There are after school clubs for the 'prizes' types.

[phantomnamechanger]

I consider myself very lucky that my children are academically talented and often represent their schools at sports and music as well. I have 2 DD at grammar and one DS still primary.

I do not consider myself to be a "pushy" parent, though I do consider myself to fully support the school and my children in their education, and always encourage them to do their best and be proud of it.

DD is really really embarrassed among her peers (grammar school) that she has 9 awards this year for her form (Y8) but when she has excelled across all subjects, and always goes the extra mile over homework and projects etc,(while some of her friends obsess about pop stars and the latest reality TVshow or soap plotline) why should that NOT be celebrated? I have never met most of her teachers except for a five minute chat once this year, so it has nothing to do with keeping certain parents sweet. I doubt her subject teachers know how she does in other subjects except their own.

However, I do think that in primaries (and my DS primary is v good at this) ALL children should win something during the year - whether its for tidiness, kindness, or good behaviour, or improved writing, or whatever - a simple colourful laminated certificate is what they usually do.

Everyone should get SOMETHING. That does not mean that the very sporty/academic/musical children should be overlooked just so that everyone else gets a turn (because the kids themselves will know this is false), it just means there needs to be more awards for more things.

[curryeater]

But what about

"extra invitation only expensive activities "

?

Someone took the decision to select those activities and invite these kids. It is not unheard of that such decisions could have been made with a degree of subconscious favouritism. OP you should interrogate, as reasonably and assertively as possible, the decision making process for this.

I get the resentment. Not because you should dish out music prizes to the mediocre musician because the best musician has already won maths (that sort of crap is obviously silly); but because who chooses what is available and who takes part in it and how can different talents and interests and potentials be brought to higher profile?

[willyoulistentome]

Yes - 'everyone ' getting a prize makes the prizes meaningless. winning at Sports day should be its own prize - you should not have to get an award for it too.
Getting all As at A levels or all level 5s at year 6 SATS- again surely holds its own joy. Why wave the certs in the faces of those who didn't do as well.

[expatinscotland]

YANBU. This whole 'that's how the world works' and 'hard work needs recognised and rewarded is why have so many entitled twats who believe they deserve XY and Z.

In the real world, no one is entitled to jack shit. The majority, billions of people, toil away for next to nowt with no recognition.

[rob99]

At my daughters primary school, same thing. The same few kids get all the opportunities e.g. best parts in school plays, nativity, photo opportunities etc. Invariably it's the solicitors kids, doctors kids. They probably are the brightest and best but it is only primary school and it's a bit young to start this winners and losers mentality in my opinion.

I think the school does it this way because the headmistress is basically a politician and it's all about showing the school in the best light to all and sundry. Rather than shout from the rooftops that 12 kids in school are special needs and get free school meals, she wants to shout look at Tarquin and Tabitha, our wonderful top performers who are playing Joseph and Mary in the nativity play. Tarquin's father is a doctor and he's G&T and he will hopefully attend Oxbridge which will be a feather in our little schools cap.......that's great miss but what about little Jordan Taylor who's dad's an alcoholic and he's a shy quiet boy with low self-esteem and a reading age of 2............"who's Jordan Taylor" ?

[curryeater]

rob99 great post, but please allow me to be pedantic for a second and say "23 kids who have special needs" rather than "12 kids who are special needs". I am sorry to nitpick and don't mean this be snotty, I hope that is ok

[ShedWood]

I've only skim-read this thread as there seems to be one at the end of every term, but to those of you who wished their children won awards but didn't, what have YOU as parent/carer done to change that? Or what will you be doing to change it for next year?

One mum in my school had a very upset 5yr old last sports day because he came last in the skipping race as he'd never picked up a skipping rope before, so in the run up to this year's sports day they taught him how to skip. This year he very proudly came first, and learnt an improtant lesson that practice can make the difference between first and last place.

A simplistic view of the story, but it gets my goat when it's always the school who should change things and never the parent.

[FunLovinBunster]

YABU.
My lovely DD won the class book prize last week for being the only one to score level 3 in maths and English; she is one of the youngest in her class.
Why shouldn't her efforts be rewarded?
And thanks for referring so rudely to parents who help with PTA. Our committee gives up a lot of their spare time to fundraise for the school.
Stop whining and do something positive for your school instead.

[phantomnamechanger]

SW - agree with you - if only some parents would spend as much time helping their kids as they do moaning about the school.

Moan about the school - but never hear your child read at home
Moan about them not winning fancy dress - when you BUY yours and someone else has made an original home made one full of the child's own ideas and artwork
Moan about them not being chosen for a play - when you have never even turned up to one of their assemblies
Moan about INSET days etc, when you have not bothered reading the published dates list.
Moan about paying for a trip - when you never support any PTA fundraisers.
Moan about your PFB not being allowed to the prom - when she had been warned and warned about her attendance and behaviour and TOLD several times that she was not allowed to go, never mind, buy her a posh frock & moan about them not letting her in.

[FunLovinBunster]

YY phantom and SW. Sick of this ooh lets give everyone a prize/get rid of competition mentality.
Life IS a competition.
People are rewarded for a reason. Because they are good at what they do.

[Cherriesarelovely]

It's not all about prizes and awards though, it's recognition of children's efforts, achievements and talents which can come in lots of different ways. Giving them some extra responsibility (like helping the younger children in the school if they are good at doing that), asking them to help compere a school concert if that is their skill, asking them to design the poster for the fete, getting them to bring in photos of themselves doing an unusual hobby and talking about it to the rest of the class. All of these things can be life changing for children, giving them a confidence boost.

We had a talent week once for the children and wider school community. Part of it was an art and craft show. One parent who could not read or write and so had never had the confidence to come into school sent in his paintings which were phenomenal. He received huge congratulations from children, teachers other parents alike and now comes into school quite often.