To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

[Bluebell99]

My son's school states some such rubbish as valuing each child and encouraging them to reach their potential, and yet it is the same children that are chosen for sports day and awards. Recently the school was awarded a grant, for a specific purpose, and they have used it to organise extra curriculum activities. I was invited to an award ceremony to recognise their achievements. Aibu to be disappointed that the children that won prizes are the same confident children that always win everything, and that there had been some extra invitation only expensive activities that only these kids took part in?! Is it a self fulfilling prophecy, that confident children get these opportunities? I was shocked at how inarticulate one of the popular kids was, who had been sent on a expensive summer school and asked to give feedback. It made me realise how low the aspirations are at this school. And instead of feeling inspired, I am feeling that my children are never going to get opportunities to meet their potential at this school. :(

[BreakTea]

I have got very mixed feelings about awards. I think most schools attempt to give awards based on partly achievement and partly effort and our school mixes it up in such a strange way that it doesn't really help anyone.

For some activities there is a clear winner and I think in those cases it's fine to reward the winner. A lot of sports activities will fall in this category but potentially also some competitions based on arithmetic or spelling bees. Basically anything where you can quantify the kids' achievements and compare them in an obvious way that can easily be explained to everyone. I don't think it's difficult to.explain to your child that A won the sports award because she won the most races and I don't think that's damaging to either child either.

It becomes more tricky with subjective awards like the ones that award effort and though I see why the school wants to award effort I wish they'd just do away with them because it's very hard to subjectively know which child is putting in more effort and Also because it opens them up to accusations of bias and favouritism. And when you know that your child has put a hell lot of effort into something but didn't get awarded then the only lesson that sometimes you can teach them is that life is unfair. This isn't a bad lesson to learn but it shouldn't be the dominant lesson of your childhood.

The trickiest are the ones that I can assume are neither for effort or achievement but to encourage kids and these while meant well are so vague that they can neither be explained nor used to teach a lesson to anyone. Except again maybe the life is random and unfair lesson.

My dd's school is quite competitive. They have lots of sports and music competitions and as expected these are always won by the same sporty and musical kids. That's fine though it must be more difficult to subjectively judge music. Then they have awards for behaviour which are based on behaviour points accrued throughout the year. Also fine. But also at the end of every year they give out a number of awards that apparently are based on the opinion of all teachers in their year group or something like that.They have vague names such as 'showing at learning' that neither make sense grammatically nor semantically. A fellow parent once asked but the teachers didn't or couldn't explain what they were for. For the first few years I assumed they were to encourage kids that might be struggling or lack confidence but over the years that seems unlikely as they always go to the same kids who are obviously confident and also get other awards.

I think the whole award thing has become so mixed up with trying to be everything thet they have become quite meaningless and are nothing but a stick that the kids (and some parents) use to beat each other up with.

[jacks11]

Surely with things like sports awards, it makes absolute sense that children who perform best win the awards? Sport is competitive and those who are best do tend to win. Why shouldn’t those who are the best be recognised as such? I’d say the same for academic, art or music awards. Music or art competitions are won by those who are perform best or whose pieces are thought to be the most skilled and fit the competition criteria best. Nobody awards exam results on “it’s their turn to get an A”. That’s just how life is, it’s not about being fair or unfair, it’s a recognition of reality- some people are more talented or skilled than others. Sometimes, it is because one person has had better opportunities e.g. training or started earlier, so are more skilled but another person may have more natural talent than them- but again, that is part of life- sometimes you have to work harder than others to get what you want. It’s not possible to make life absolutely fair for everyone, all the time.

Obviously it is different for merit or effort awards, or if the award is for progress made or outstanding potential- where there is more leeway to award those who are making a lot of effort but are not naturally as talented, for instance. Or in areas such as school productions (although, surely it does make sense for those who are best at drama or singing to get parts which suit their talents). Obviously, if children who are not the most skilled or talented are winning these awards, and it’s because their parents are pushy/on the PTA etc, then that is unfair and shouldn’t be happening (I know it does).

There is actually growing research that people (including children) recognise quite accurately where they are on the scale in terms of ability in most areas (whether it be sport, academically, music etc) and when those who are obviously less skilled are given awards that are supposed to be based on skill (i.e. not on effort or some other designated factor) both the person awarded the prize and their peers value those awards less highly. There is also some evidence that when someone is awarded something in those circumstances it can actually lead to lower reported self-esteem. So, it is quite possible that “awards for all” is not actually helping children in the longer run.

My nephew is dyslexic and struggles with quite a lot of areas academically- he is bright enough but finds it hard going. He is also very good at sport- rugby, hockey, athletics, cricket. And he trains quite hard, works on his fitness consistently, is keen to learn about tactics and so on. He plays at county and national level in several sports. He does often get prizes and awards for sport- it’s where his skills and interests lie. If he is the most skilled bowler, or ran the fastest 100m or whatever, why should he not be recognised for that? Why would you awards it to the child who was in the middle of the field, who knows full well they are not the fastest sprinter? My nephew does not expect to be winning academic prizes- he is well aware that in terms of academic performance he is not up there.

My daughter performs well academically, is a talented musician, is a decent hockey player on the school team and also performs at national level in another sport. She is, however, very aware that she is not the best at all subjects and that there are only 2 or 3 where she might be the top performer in her year group. She also knows that whilst she is a decent hockey player, she is not the best (or indeed the top 3, say) and so does not expect to win player of the year. She also knows whilst she performs well at the national level in her sport, she is not the best and is again unlikely to win the championship. It hasn’t damaged her to realise this and to not win the awards. She knows we are proud of how hard she works and that she does her best, she enjoys her sport and training, she enjoys her music lessons/being in the school orchestra and choir etc. Surely, that is enough? She doesn’t have to win a prize to know she has done well.

[Hyacinth7]

Every competition, every award one child keeps winning everything and she not that brilliant at most things she does. I find it frustrating has there are other kids who do so much better and never get picked.

[MosleyB]

it is very true that the school awards are just there for the PTA parents kids and anyone else that is pushy and in 'ya face at school.
Over the past 2 years my child has not had any awards yet there are the chosen few that are up to 5 or 6.
Teachers are not at all what they used to be. They are lazy and do whatever is easy. Photocopying out of twinkl is their job these days.

[Blueboy1]

I remember as a child, try and trying day in and day out, studying constantly for tests doing extra credit and everything to get an award and it was always the say kids, always the rich, popular kids who had important parents.
I gave up my last few years because I figured my parents would never be important enough for the school. Awards are mostly about politics in schools and "awarding the rich parent's".
And my child today has a learning disability and no matter how hard she tries she barely passes with cs and bs so shes out of the running for awards and I'm not rich enough to "win" her one anyway.
Very cynical but it's very few kids who actually work to win it, it's all school politics and making sure kids and their parents know thier "place" in that school.

[Edith1]

At my DC school, it is completely the opposite. They don't prioritise anyone on sports day, everyone gets stickers for taking part. There is no head girl or boy. They try to give support to all children that try whether good or bad. It is a very mixed state school, with a variety of abilities.

[abbsismyhero]

we had one child get star of the week because he HADN'T hit anyone that week it's really hard to explain to my son who never actually hits anyone why he should get rewarded for this its doubly hard because his mom pays for extra tuition and he still level pegged with my son academically (in year one) but apparently he needs more encouragement than my son so gets rewards more often my son is getting philosophical about it now he is seven years old and understands that it's okay for this boy to hit shout and get rewarded for it all the time the only criticism they could come up with about my son is well he is a bit quiet i didn't care that she saw me roll my eyes this parents evening and pointed out he used to not speak at all in public and he used to stutter loads he might want a bit of you know ENCOURAGEMENT/REWARD for engaging with the teacher verbally naaa just ignore me then i will try again next year while he educates himself in the corner of your classroom

[harryhausen]

I haven't RTFT but agreed with Cory's great post early on. You just get with the parts/awards/no awards you're dealt and live with and learn from it.

I remember when I was in primary (32 years ago!) they used to have a Christmas stamp competition. It was anonymous, and the winner had their design printed up and put on all the in-school Xmas cards. I won it every year. In my final year they actually banned me from entering. Banned me! I think my mum was a bit miffed and I was a bit perplexed. However I moved on and started challenging myself to new things.

I've now been a professional illustrator for 21 years

My dd is picked for a lot of things. Why? I honestly don't know. She's confident, bright, interested in politics and the news, reads well, very creative, is really funny. Maybe that's it?
She's not great at sport and when she stuck with the struggling netball team through thick and thin was disgusted that the netball team never even got a mention in assembly. They weren't very good! She just had to get over it.

[blearynweary]

Dd came 2nd in a National sports competition against 130 other girls of her age and didn't win star of the week for it - as it should be. She did it out of school and tbh being on a podium and knowing she is one of the best in the country is reward enough.


Her school mentioned it in assembly and she got a clap then I told them to leave it there if they wouldn't mind.

To all those that say hard work doesn't reap rewards - I am sure my dd isn't the only primary age child who works extremely hard at her sport, yes she's talented but she trains more than most of her classmates and totally deserves recognition but not necessarily in school.

I don't agree with getting star of the week for being good at swimming. At dds school star of the week is given for particularly excellent academic work or progress.

[NickiFury]

That should have said the parent or the child.

[NickiFury]

I think it's just nonsensical to insist that it's hard work alone that gets these rewards. It just isn't, as with all other arenas in life there is favouritism. This isn't to say that the lengthy achievements being listed by various posters on behalf of their don't deserve reward but it is true that often the squeaky wheel gets the attention whether that be the parent of child. This is true at all stages of life.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Surely she gets badges for swimming so is awarded twice? May send in DS scouts badges - see if he gets star of the week.

[blearynweary]

There's a gifted and talented list for swimming?!?

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

At high school the kids get merits based on

Uniform being on time homework done and attitude in class.

DD has been through junior school with another girl so we know her and they have always been level.

This girl has twice my DD merits yet they both achieve/dress/homework etc are the same -

We don't know why! Favouritism is the only answer.

[twelly]

I am of the opinion that if awards at primary should be used to encourage, and therefore there'd should be progress as well as achievement. This would mean that awards were not always for the same children. There are many who "deserve " awards - which is why I think the scouting and guiding organisations work so well as if you archive that standard to gain the badge hot at the expense of others.

[soontobemrsmckeown]

My dd is 4 (just hone in January) and in school nursery. Shes on the gifted and talented list for swimming. She can swim 50 meters. Only started learning 8 months ago. Im very proud. Shes been given star of the week 4 times this school year for her swimming achievement and attitude to learning. Other kids in her class haven't had star of the week at all.

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

frumpet, thank you :)

No I am not morally iffy but I am not as smoothly warm as some people. I draw a distinction between my friends and colleagues / clients and I do treat them differently. I have never made an enemy at work (unlike some people) - but if I got married tomorrow I doubt there would be anyone from my industry there. I never tell lies and I always do what I said I was going to do and I have never (and will never) fucked anyone over at work (internally or externally)

But thanks for the vote of confidence :)

[frumpet]

HowBad surely that is his problem ? If he cannot see the wheat from the chaff then he is a fool ! Are you morally iffy ? If not , stop trying to be something you aren't , that way madness lies , just be you

[HowBadIsThisPlease]

jevoudrais - you know what I find really hard about this? The fact that people who are making these judgements know that they're judging how much they like the person but in their head what they're calling it is whether the person is a "nice person". So it acquires a sort of moral overtone, even though all it is is "this person has skills in making me feel good".

I am feeling really bruised by this at the moment. I try a lot harder than a lot of people to do the right thing but I am nor charismatic enough. I wouldn't mind feeling that people have criticisms of me for "not being very good with people" or even "I just don't warm to her" or "I prefer the person who everyone gets on with". That would be fair enough. But I am dealing right now with someone who definitely in his head thinks of people he likes as "good people" and people he likes less as "morally iffy people" and it's really getting to me - I'm actually starting to think I am not a very good person myself because I'm struggling in this area.

This then has a knock on effect of making me feel paranoid and act artificially so then nothing works. It's horrible.

[jevoudrais]

I find adult life like this too. Almost boils down to extrovert vs introvert. Wrongly, mind.

Funny because my school pushed all the extroverts and they aren't the 'successful' people by any means now we're all further down the line career and family wise.

[Nataleejah]

Not all children are equally good at sports. Just like not everybody is gifted for academics or arts.
However, in every school there will be "teachers' pets" or have VIP parents.

[minatiae]

I have no problem with kids who win getting awards and kids who don't not getting anything. Children need to learn that we don't all get awards, some of us never win anything.

What I don't support though is favouritism. I am still bitter about an award that was given at my school when a child reached a certain (very high) level in a certain sport. Everyone who achieved this before me, and everyone who achieved it after me, got the award and it was read out in assembly and the children got to go up and get their award. The school KNEW I had reached this level as they were notified by my parents and the sports group I was competing with, and one of the other children who achieved that level at the same time and in the same competition as me to the award. But I never got the award. The school didn't even mention my name when announcing that the other kid had made the team that year. I was too shy to ask why I'd been exclude.

[BarbarianMum]

Gosh, I've never come across a school so lacking in talent that only a handful of children deserve to recognised. My children are hard working, articulate and academically able. Also musically talented. Sometimes they win prises for their abilities and efforts, on lots of other occasions those prizes go to other hard working/able/talented children, of which there are many in the school. Id' be quite worried if there weren't.

[upthegardenpath]

PTA = Pain in The Arse

[abbsismyhero]

head of the pta's child is the lead in the school plays main speaker in the school assembly represents on the school councils and has just been named head boy! he is all over the school newsletters too every time a picture needs to be taken to represent the school he is trotted out my son gets 100% attendance does not even get it recognised like the rest of the class (group photo in the lobby plus a postcard home when it's a full term) it gets ridiculous