To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

[Bluebell99]

My son's school states some such rubbish as valuing each child and encouraging them to reach their potential, and yet it is the same children that are chosen for sports day and awards. Recently the school was awarded a grant, for a specific purpose, and they have used it to organise extra curriculum activities. I was invited to an award ceremony to recognise their achievements. Aibu to be disappointed that the children that won prizes are the same confident children that always win everything, and that there had been some extra invitation only expensive activities that only these kids took part in?! Is it a self fulfilling prophecy, that confident children get these opportunities? I was shocked at how inarticulate one of the popular kids was, who had been sent on a expensive summer school and asked to give feedback. It made me realise how low the aspirations are at this school. And instead of feeling inspired, I am feeling that my children are never going to get opportunities to meet their potential at this school. :(

Oh, and a small additional point...

If your biggest problem in life is that your PFB didn't win a prize at school then you have very little to worry about in the grand scheme of things.

Time to take a step back, no?

'People are rewarded for a reason. Because they are good at what they do'

And those who are good at nothing? They should have this drummed into them at 6, 7, 9? No recognition that they try? DD tries her best but she will never read, never win anything at sports, never play an instrument. Because she is blind and cant move. She is well aware she doesnt measure up to the lucky people who didnt get a broken brain.
Thankfully her school recognises 'trying your best'.
ffs.

Sometimes consistently being placed at the top of the pile is as bad/worse as being nearer the bottom; how can you ever live up to that as an adult?

I agree that sometimes children who have won a lot of things, such as academic prizes or are always on the top table can become scared of failure. I like my two very academic children to do lots of activities, especially sports and drama whatever they like, precisely because they can learn to lose gracefully, take small parts while others get the glory, work in a team not always the star, cheer others on and so on. These are the skills that are valuable to me if you want to be an all-rounder and get on in life although my dd did have a bit of a learning curve when she came last in all of her sports day races this year, it can be hard.

Yabu. My dc have won at times and others missed out both for awards/parts in plays you name it.

Not getting what you want and missing out is life. Sad but true.

My teeth have been gritted before when dd has been upset at missing out on a yearned for part in the play, but dusting yourself off and being gracious about it is a fantastic thing to know how to do.

Twisty, I'm all for recognising people who try their best.
It's the "lets reward everyone for everything" which does nothing but belittle real achievement.

Working hard and trying hard does not ensure winning, it's very naive to think that. I have always worked hard at everything I've done. Put in lot of hours, taken on board every criticism and tried to use that to improve yet I've failed at everything I've ever done.

I get where you are coming from OP. There are 3 girls in dd's class with beautiful singing voices (I've heard them while they are playing). Yet only one of those 3 girls ever gets the chance to sing in school events. She is the one with the pushy parents of highest social standing in the area. BTW none of these 3 girls is my dd, it's just an observation I've made.

I listen to my son read all the time,hell, I even listen to other peoples children read too. I make each of my son's costumes and dressing up outfits, I have been to every assembly, every play, every school event. I help the PTA where I can, spend a fortune on things for and from the fundraisers, I pay for trips unquestionably.

Can I have a moan or a certificate

When I was at primary school every Christmas we would have a Christmas stamp competition where a child would anonymously design a stamp to go on the internal school mail.
I won it every single year. In my last year I they banned me, yes banned from entering. My mum was furious. Looking back, I can sympathise with the other children.

The injustice of it did however spur me on, and I'm now a professional full time illustrator doing very nicely thank you.

This is the only thing I've ever won!

Sorry. I'm not sure what this adds to the discussion

LadyBrian - I'm not trying to say that it's a rule of thumb, just pointing out that the general assumption on this thread that all the children who consistently do well are 'super-confident' and have pushy parents is wrong. Some of them are, some of them aren't. Some of them are probably embarrassed at always being singled out.

MumsyBlouse - I did say sometimes it's worse; not always and not for everyone. I was also taught how to lose gracefully, and understood from an early age that wining wasn't the name of the game. I was always prouder of 3rd place and a PB than 1st place under my best score. I still felt the pressure (mostly from teachers at school and extended family) to do well because I always had IYSWIM.

Not doing a terribly good job of explaining myself today! I blame the heat and raging pregnancy hormones!

Our school teachers have their favourites. Those kids receive 10 rewards a year whist some of the polite quieter kids receive next to none.

My DC never win any prizes, one is just too much of a day dreamer and the youngest works very hard all the time but is always 2nd or 3rd or 4th.

I feel a bit gutted for them about when there are do's and assemblies and prizes for winners, I feel a bit envious and left out, and annoyed with myself for feeling that way too!

DH is brilliant though, he tells the DC that if they want to win they just have to try harder, work at it, that it is up to them.

The boys are not at all down, as a result, they actually feel motivated to try harder!

So not a bad thing, maybe a good lesspn for kids? If you want success you have to fight for it.

I think there are two separate issues here:

a) whether you are in favour of prizes and awards and trumpet blowing

b) how you teach your child to deal with situations arising in his daily life

If I have to be absolutely honest, my enthusiasm for school awards assemblies is probably limited.

But my first job is to parent my child.

It is full of problems. I think lots of children point out that the 'naughty' children get a lot of prizes for encouragement, whereas the quiet DC who just does as they are told are passed over.
If you give it for effort it can equally be unfair. I was quiet and conscientious at school therefore I was deemed to be trying my best, whereas I was coasting.
If one child is clearly the best do you ignore them because 'they got it last year'?

Since so many people are disgruntled maybe all names should go in a hat and when it is pulled out think of a suitable prize! Once they have been pulled out they don't go back in until the last name is out- even if that happens to be 4yrs later.

It is not so much the winning of awards, more the 'getting picked for everything child' that makes me agree YANBU. A child at dd's school was the favourite of the yr3 teacher. Got picked for everything, class rep, Eco-group, soloist in choir (despite awful voice) narrator in every play/assembly ever performed. After a while it became a habit- who shall I pick- oh how about Wonderchild? She is so good at this kind of thing- Yes, because she had had plenty of opportunities to practice and get confident! This lasted until Yr 6 when she was caught cheating in a spelling test- turned out Wonderkid was terrible at spelling but had been built up so much that she felt pressure to always be the best so had resorted to cheating . Very sad. The schools really do need to be careful not to create such situations!

muppetthecow perhaps it's the heat as I was trying to agree with you, just also to say that for those for whom academic achievement comes relatively easy, learning to lose or to fail graciously, as someone else has said, is very important.

Having said that, I used to get prizes for academic achievement, but I really did work harder than everyone else as well! I was prepared to stay up all night, I was prepared to revise extra hard and so on in comparison to many of my friends at uni, and so although it partly does reflect innate achievement, you don't do exceptionally well on either talent or effort, you really do have to have both.

I think nowadays effort is very much rewarded in the exam system to the point that sometimes my students are very much disappointed they don't get firsts even though they simply don't have a first-class brain even though they try really really hard. They tend to take this quite badly as up til now, simple hard work and effort combined with some talent, has been enough and it's difficult to fact that others may be intrinsically better than you.

Mumsy I'm pretty much blaming the heat for everything - my brain has turned to mush! of course being 37 weeks pregnant and managing a grumpy toddler doesn't help either

I found life much easier by the time I got to uni as (almost) everyone on my course was there to actually work so there was nobody to bully me about being a square/teachers pet etc. It was easier again for my MA. That being said, my poor mum now gets comments like 'Muppet was so talented, it's a shame she didn't do anything with it' or 'Oh, she's working in a pharmacy? What a waste of all those brains' so I don't think it ever really ends!

Yab(a bit) unreasonable

I always won academic awards at school because I was good academically!!! Why should I get missed out because someone else isn't as good and doesn't win an award? I agree effort should be rewarded as much as results because some people just aren't academic naturally so work much harder than me but get a C when I might get an A.

This is a current bugbear of mine as at work I was considered "too good" to be given opportunities to develop... Still not sure why joe blogs who's been in the job three times longer than me and us half as good as much should get rewarded instead of me.

My DS wins lots of awards at school. He also copes really well with chronic illness. The awards give him a lift. I don't push him
I understand your pain as my other children don't get awards. But it's also real life, and it's up to you to handle the situation for your kids. The reality is the awards are lovely to get, but no one is ever going to ask what certificates you got at primary.
Get the situation in context. Give your child your own reward, and get over it.

Don't worry about it too much. Teach your child that sometimes life isn't fair but it's how you deal with unfairness or obstacles or disappointments that will determin your success and happiness in life.

At primary school it was always the arty and sporty who won prizes and cups and got picked to attend the extra curricula activities representing the school. My DD is an academic. If there had been a logic puzzle cup or brain teaser prize shed have won every year .

Give your child hje confidence to know and value their own unique talent. Everyone has someth

I agree with frustratedartist and OhMerGerd.

It is more or less impossible for the school to get 'right' - if they go for the very best then the same DCs will get it, if you go for encouragement then the quiet and academic can miss out entirely and if you go for effort you can get it wrong with a child me who looks as if they are making an effort when actually they are not.

Basically everyone is complaining because they want their child to get a prize. If everyone gets a prize is there any point?

I'm sure that people would be happy with my name in a hat idea - pull one out and think of a prize to suit. Once pulled out it doesn't go back. Keep going through the year. It would be fair but is there any point?

Teach your child to deal with it- it is those who can deal with it who will be the successes in life.

When I was at primary school I was very hurt by a classmate commenting that "It's always fftz isn't it?" when my design was chosen for the cover of the programme for end-of-year production. My artistic abilities are beyond bad, and in my entire life I've produced about three pieces of work that came out looking anything like what I intended. I'd spent ages looking through books to find suitable pictures of rainforest creatures so that I could get their shapes right when drawing them myself, and created a passable scene. I was dead chuffed when the teacher chose my design, in part because she clearly hated me. The reason for the girl's complaint was that I was top of the class in all the academic subjects and I must have been perceived as the one who got all the plaudits. Having this one piece of artwork highlighted meant so much more to me than the top marks in the academic subjects, and I am quite pleased that my secondary school in particular made no particular fuss about who was top of the class because I would have hated the attention.

I don't really get the enthusiasm for prizes, particularly those for being top of the class. The person who's top of the class already knows that they're in that position. Likewise the people who are good at sports tend to end up in the teams. The best artwork ends up being prominently displayed. And so on. With a little imagination, there are plenty of ways kids can receive due praise for their achievements without singling out a select few in front of the whole school. If you insist on doling out cups and badges and other crap like that, the categories could at least be broad, reasonably independent of each other, and not restricted to the ability to pass exams. But really I can't see any point to prize-giving ceremonies - waste of time in my opinion.

I have 2 DS one is sporty and average, the other very academic but tries hard at sport, it's been really great to see them excel in different fields. They are individuals and I appreciate it. Yes the same names get read out and you know they are going places. But I don't resent them, I think good for them. Saying that my DS2 got 6th place in his year at Grammar School which really surprised me but when he went up at assembly he got a bar of Cadburys!

The idea tgat 'all must have prizes' is bollocks. The kuds who hsve worked hard, improved significantly or achieved an important milestone should be reward ed, not spread round evenly in the interest of 'fairness'.

To gove an award to a child who has just coasted along devalue s the concept and probably demoralises the chols who has worked to earn it.

I used to win stuff and get picked for stuff because I was articulate, could learn lines and was reliable and hard working.

I was bullied by the children of people with attitudes like some of the ones on here to the extent that by the age of 10 I was deliberately under performing in tests.

Try and remember that the children concerned are CHILDREN with FEELINGS just like your pfb, rather than 'overachievers' with pushy parents (mine were not at all).

Nobody wants to see their child disappointed but I was made ill by the bullying so please remember that the teachers make these choices and your ire should be all for them if you think its unfair, not the children, they don't deserve scorn.