To be completely stumped

[plim]

I have 3 children 20 mths, 5&7 yrs. I've been on maternity leave since no3 arrived but now we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts and down to beans on toast as a treat - you get the gist.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle, dh works remotely and I ran my own consultancy. I've now out of the blue been offered a career changing md job back in London. I got a call on Thursday, went to the meeting yesterday with the existing md and a conference call with the CEO last night and now they want to make me an offer and want me to fly to Belgium on Thursday to meet the chairman. It's over 120k basic - I earn around the upper 80s as a consultant but its not consistent and sometimes that will be more like 35k!

The kids are settled in an outstanding village school, no 3 starting a fab pre school in September. I had just been offered a consultancy contract 3 days a week for 60 k in sept too and now this has come up and I'm so confused.

I need to confirm tomorrow so they can book me on a flight. My head is spinning. The thought of relocating to London - finding schools houses etc - nightmare but its a big 'career move'.

My eldest dd has been in 4 schools in 3 yrs due to us renting and moving we've only just bought a house up here last September ..,...... Sigh.

Please help me to make a life changing decision.

What have you decided OP?

'the 'cosmopolitan' mix of friends they would benefit from in London '

This comes across as rather sneery, PrettyKitty. What do you mean by it?

I can see that moving and disruption might not be ideal for kids, but there is no such thing as ideal, really; as I and others have said, there are cons to small-town life and pros to London life.

Is it not also quite true that happier parents will make for happier children? OP, if you would be happier staying where you are then fine, but if a move would make you happier then in some ways I think it follows that it would make your children happier too.

But if your pros and cons exercise has worked out such that staying has more pros and fewer cons, then that might be your answer.

Completely agree with Jinty! It depends on what your children grow up knowing. Mine would be miserable in a concrete, busy city, that's for certain. (As would I and dp)

It was a bit sneery.

The meaning was that I think it was a ridiculous 'arguement' to give as a pro. As was 'kids being bored in the country' (paraphrasing there)

I've sent a list of questions as a last chance before I pull out type scenario. I've asked if they would minimise international travel, allow three days in office and two at home which could mean no relocating and if they have any other options and if not could I do it as a fill in consultant till they find someone else. The response is likely to be negative as they stressed they need so rob 5 days s week long hours etc but worth asking I guess and I know they have dismissed the other 4 candidates and current md leaves in September plus Belgium closes for business practically in August so lets see......

Personally ... I could not imagine exchanging working for myself, for return to a role in some other company.
Whatever the money. Whatever the post.

If you are feeling financial pinch then, as you are already aware, you just need to end the exceptionally long maternity leave, and start building your business to where it should be was.

You're skint. Take the job and commute. Plenty of people commute from Northern cities to London. Then at least you can reassess your options without worrying about bailiffs.

The thing is, OP, they want someone who will really go for it, don't they? They are not looking for someone who says reluctantly, "Well OK, I'll do it if you give me X, Y etc." If you were just asking for money, they may well oblige, but time? No way. That's not what they want.

Living in Richmond / Twickenham / Chiswick on £120k is probably the direct equivalent of earning £35k where you are by the time you factor in childcare.

She's not on £120K though. Her husband also earns around £65K.

Well I would take the damn job personally. I would far rather be on a good fixed income, than a variable one, even if it allowed me to be at home two days a week (which I wouldn't want anyway but that's just me). I also would far rather live in the South East than the North, lovely as parts of it are.

How about a commuter town rather than Richmond or Wimbledon? Are there any where you have friends already?

I'm going consultancy, the children need stability for now, our finances will dramatically improve when I go back and I can start to channel all my efforts into my own business again. start sept 9-3 pm three days a week from home 60k for a 9 month contract and lets see where that path leads me. Job done.

Thanks so much for ALL the comments, you're all amazing, such fantastic advice.

Hobsons choice. Your finances are kaput and you have been given a lifeline, a promotion and a confidence boost all in one go.

However, you have a young family, fairly recently committed to a change in a move to the country (for good reasons presumably), and a well paid husband with health issues. You are capable of earning a decent salary if you get on with it, and can scale up your hours in time should you wish to.

You can't have it all. I'm sorry but you can't and you have to choose and deal with the emotional fall-out

I would take the job provided it is a fixed term contract with a mutual 3/6 month notice period. Leave your family where they are and hire a good nanny/housekeeper so when you come home you just spend time with your kids. Commit to two years with the firm and make a call at the end of that time whether or not to relocate your kids again and go perm.
Be realistic - this job means you will barely see your kids Monday-Friday, so there is little point in dragging them to London.

Oops -x post. I don't think you'll regret it. Congrats on the offer - I suspect that the right solution will be along presently

Lots of international travel and very young kids don't mix, simply because logistics mean that you cant be in two places at once. The last time I did it I only had one dc, and it was so depressing, the rows of mums in the departure lounge at 7pm desperately trying to get a signal to phone their kids and say goodnight to them.

Did they reply to your requests btw? (moot point now I know, just interested)

Good choice. I too am self employed and wouldn't go back.

Yes they are setting up offices in china and UAE so two weeks overseas out of six. No to flexi its 9-7 pm office based.

It would be a fantastic job if you were single, wouldn't it?

Yeah bloody perfect :)

Oh gosh! IMHO (which counts for very little) I think you have made the right decision. Good luck with the consultancy.

Well done for coming to a decision you're happy with, plim! Who knows, another amazing chance that suits you better may well come along.

Thannks, PrettyKitty. I have to disagree though; I think contact with a wide range of people is a big pro for anyone's life.

Put pictures of the life you have / want up near your desk. Take advantage of your positive points every week - take the kids to the park after school, go for a walk and see the sheep, do something nice for your house / garden, sit outside with a cup of tea in the morning, thankful that you are not commuting and build friendships with your clients at work. On your two days not working, every so often, do something lovely for yourself. Also get your DH on board with celebrating the reasons for the choices you have both made. It is a choice and neither is perfect but loving the life you choose will go along way to making you happier with your choice.

Hmmmm....it must be an amazing buzz to be head hunted for such a high flying opportunity, but try and remember your reasons for moving in the first place. Once the high of the initial stages of the new job have worn off will you not all be stuck in the original life you wanted to leave? Your life up north sounds lovely, the children sound happy and it sounds like you have considerable earning power as it is.

My mind is also boggling as to what industry you work in to be earning such gobsmacking amounts of money, even as you are, let alone with the new job!!!

Thanks mistyb that's brilliant advice I'm going to do everything you've suggested. Uplifted me actually as I feel quite exasperated by the whole thing!

Ha ha daimbardiva, the industry is within media. Sounds glamourously great but it ain't. A sweeping statement but its full of cock swaggering plonkers and is ridiculously make dominated. I actually appeared in an article last week talking about how more women needed to be recognised at senior levels - then I do get recognised and turn it down - oops.

It's ok really but very cash rich and ruthless.