To be completely stumped

[plim]

I have 3 children 20 mths, 5&7 yrs. I've been on maternity leave since no3 arrived but now we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts and down to beans on toast as a treat - you get the gist.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle, dh works remotely and I ran my own consultancy. I've now out of the blue been offered a career changing md job back in London. I got a call on Thursday, went to the meeting yesterday with the existing md and a conference call with the CEO last night and now they want to make me an offer and want me to fly to Belgium on Thursday to meet the chairman. It's over 120k basic - I earn around the upper 80s as a consultant but its not consistent and sometimes that will be more like 35k!

The kids are settled in an outstanding village school, no 3 starting a fab pre school in September. I had just been offered a consultancy contract 3 days a week for 60 k in sept too and now this has come up and I'm so confused.

I need to confirm tomorrow so they can book me on a flight. My head is spinning. The thought of relocating to London - finding schools houses etc - nightmare but its a big 'career move'.

My eldest dd has been in 4 schools in 3 yrs due to us renting and moving we've only just bought a house up here last September ..,...... Sigh.

Please help me to make a life changing decision.

[plim]

Male dominated.

[plim]

And so relieved I've just eaten the teaching assistants thank you box of matchmakers thingys.

[daimbardiva]

Mistyb, what a fantastically eloquent way of putting what I was trying to say!! :)

plim thanks for the explanation, doesn't sound very appealing. Interesting timing though, re your appearing in the article, life has a funny way of helping us challenge ourselves sometimes, doesn't it?!

Enjoy those matchmakers ;)

[MistyB]

Your thread illustrates one of the reasons why there are few women at the top in business, when push comes to shove and the dream job is handed to us on a plate, the desire / need / biological urge / social obligation to put our experience and talents to one side and be in the front row, tissue in hand sniveling at angel number five. You have the perfect opportunity given your recent media exposure, to capitalise on this.

There are women like you scattered in villages all over the country. Perhaps you could model your consultancy around your own needs. Provide director calibre candidates in Marketing, PR, HR, Finance, Business Management to emerging or growing businesses or business needing an extra pair of hands at crunch times. Look at the tasks that need to be done rather then the hours per day that need to be filled and fill the roles with part time applicants, two heads for the price of one. If I were still living in the North of England, I would be knocking on your door with my CV in one hand and business proposal in the other.

[plim]

I know mistyb - and great idea!

[springytoto]

phew, that's a relief, then

I know, I know, I shouldn't push my agenda on other people. But I can't help being pleased I'd say 'pleased for your kids' but that would be emotional blackmail. I know it's shit to have had to make this choice - well done for making it, not easy. At least you have the huge boost that you were head-hunted for it.

Some very good friends moved from the thick of london to a suffolk village. 3 of their 5 kids were teenagers at the time. The kids had a fantastic time growing up in their teens in the village. They all learnt to drive at the first possible opportunity - a relief to their parents who got through numerous cars ferrying them around the country lanes - and there was eventually a problem of where to park all the cars. London wasn't too far off, either.

the youngest did ask, though: 'Mum, where are all the black people?'. the husband continued to work in London, staying up 3 days/nights a week (they kept a place there). The wife also developed an eclectic career which included working one day a week in London.

[theidsalright]

Don't be flattered into a job. It is flattering and a great ego boost but other than that, do you want it at the cost of everything else? You need to work out the costs and benefits of each choice,trying to put the flattery to the side.

[springytoto]

My suffolk friends moved because of the awful crime in London btw. Being attacked by a bunch of marauding kids during a birthday picnic in a park was the final nail - after a catalogue of shit.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

springy, that is a truly awful thing to have happened to your friends. 'the awful crime in London' is by no means endemic or something that everyone experiences, though! I've only experienced and heard about what seem to me normal, low levels of crime since moving to the Smoke.

[springytoto]

You are right Lady . I could have worded that better. It was just their experience - but they did have an awful lot of 'experiences' it has to be said! Maybe bad luck?

I think I was piqued at the assertion that village life is dull for teens; and was over-egging the idea that London is not necessarily just the wonderful, glittering, cosmopolitan, opportunity-ridden option. It may be, but there's other stuff going on, too. Just as in the majority of major/capital cities, probably.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Without being flippant, I think sometimes it IS partially luck, yes. How else to explain that I haven't experienced anything really bad in London, despite living in not-the-best areas, walking home alone at night etc?

I found village life dull as a teenager, I have to say, and the people in London I know with children all say it is a wonderful place to bring them up. Again, possibly something to do with luck as well as where you live and what you choose to do. I do think choice is the ultimate point of big cities ? you don't have to do all the cultural/sporty/social things available to you, but you always have the option to. It is that lack of options that I find stifling about smaller places.

Anyway, that's enough from me ? I didn't wish to downplay your friends' terrible experience or mean to hijack the thread!

[Bumpotato]

Can you negotiate a consultancy role with the company who want to hire you? Or a relocation package?

Can you hire someone through your company and share the position?

The company sound keen to have you so you must be in a good place to negotiate a deal that suits you.

[Bumpotato]

And to me £120k does not sound great for the role you are describing.

[plim]

I tried negotiating bump but they were very inflexible and I agree 120 even 130 is low for an md in our sector and it was capped. Will just have to make sure I earn more on my terms as a consultant!

I had s bad day yesterday after saying no, ate all the chocolate in the house and a fish finger butty with mayo (very unlike me as I'm a chickpea salad quaffing purist most of the time) and stropped about like I'd lost a bloody leg or something but woke up this morning and I feel liberated! Booked dd3 into her lovely pre school for September and started reading my Richard Branson auto biog!!!!

[plim]

And I love parts of London for children - Richmond park for starters but you just get so much more for your money up here and we are in a lovely rural area surrounded by hills, its great for young children growing up but we have talked about moving a bit closer to 'more going on' in three or four years,

[Bumpotato]

Oh I missed that you'd said no.

You never know what's round the corner, perhaps a fab consultancy job with no need to disrupt the family.

[Nanny0gg]

Depends what comes first - your family or your career.

[Nanny0gg]

X -post


Glad you've decided.

[springytoto]

you don't have to do all the cultural/sporty/social things available to you, but you always have the option to

which you never do when you live there!! I'm as guilty as the next.

OP you made me LOL with your fishfinger buttie.

Bravo, girl.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

springy, tell me about it! One thing about London life is the constant low-level feeling that I'm missing out on stuff. Inevitable when there's so much going on, but it does mildly trouble me