To be completely stumped

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I have 3 children 20 mths, 5&7 yrs. I've been on maternity leave since no3 arrived but now we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts and down to beans on toast as a treat - you get the gist.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle, dh works remotely and I ran my own consultancy. I've now out of the blue been offered a career changing md job back in London. I got a call on Thursday, went to the meeting yesterday with the existing md and a conference call with the CEO last night and now they want to make me an offer and want me to fly to Belgium on Thursday to meet the chairman. It's over 120k basic - I earn around the upper 80s as a consultant but its not consistent and sometimes that will be more like 35k!

The kids are settled in an outstanding village school, no 3 starting a fab pre school in September. I had just been offered a consultancy contract 3 days a week for 60 k in sept too and now this has come up and I'm so confused.

I need to confirm tomorrow so they can book me on a flight. My head is spinning. The thought of relocating to London - finding schools houses etc - nightmare but its a big 'career move'.

My eldest dd has been in 4 schools in 3 yrs due to us renting and moving we've only just bought a house up here last September ..,...... Sigh.

Please help me to make a life changing decision.

If you desperately want the job and think it would make you happy then go for it.

I think renting out your house up north is a good idea too, as someone else suggested. It would be a bit of security.

But you really need to look at what your outgoings would be if you moved and do the maths on that and your potential income.

The countryside is great for children in some ways, but London is marvellous for them in others.

OP, Congratulations on your job offer. Congratulations too on having such a lovely family.

It sounds to me that if you were to take this new job, you would be working long hours and that you would have to give a great deal of commitment. We live in London. My DH works very long and unpredictable hours, in a demanding job, for a large salary, and so I know what this takes out of him and all of us (as he isn't around in the week really, to do anything to help with the DC or at home or to support what I am doing).

For us, it only works because I don't have the same type of job. When we had our children (5o and 1yo) I stepped off the same career ladder as DH stayed on, and now I work part time (3 days a week). Its a great compromise for me as even though I am off the career ladder, I still work in an area I really enjoy, and there is scope for me to increase my hours and take on a more challenging role in the future. And I get to drop off DC1 at school and pick him up 2 days a week, and have the time in those days with DC2 and of course we have our weekends free. And DH is freed up to pursue his career.

Our set up would never work if I worked full time too. Well, it wouldn't work for us. I suppose what I am saying is - if you were to take this job, would your DH be able or willling to take a step back from his job? I would imagine not, as he was out of work and would now need to make the most of his opportunity. In accepting this job, would you be creating stress for you and your family in arranging and relying on childcare, paying for that, let alone uprooting your family again?

If it were me, I wouldn't do it. I think the family stability would be more important to me.

I'm not so sure it's necessarily about you missing your kids, more that they will be moving - again. Kids don't like it imo. they need to be settled. ime (kids grown now) my kids didn't take well to chopping and changing. People say that kids adapt - well, they're forced to. Doesn't mean that they adapt deep down.

Sorry to pull on the heartstrings - but this is a necessary consideration (I'm sure you agree). It's not just about whether you'd miss the kids but whether they can take being moved again. As hard as it is, I would not take it. You are at a stage in life where you are committed to a young family - you can't have both the career-with-bells-on and the family (yy people do but imo it's a mistake)

As or £ - you just never know what is going on with peoples' finances. It can look like this or that but we can have no real knowledge about what may or may not be going on.

could you take it and your husband be the SAHF? ie the kids stay where they are.

oh I wish I'd worded that better

Dh is not really in a position to do that. He's not very ambitious but he suffers from depression and is in counselling for stress. Which also points to not uprooting too I know. 15 minutes and I have to make the call cos of flight.

Done pros and cons as suggested. 14 pros to consulting and building up my own business again, 8 cons. 11 pros to taking position at corporate, 14 cons....

I'd take the London job.

I couldn't agree more with OhMerGerd - and, from the way you responded to her post, you do too OP...? She is absolutely correct - the days never come back.

I was a SAHM when my kids were small - my DH went back into education at 29 and we lived on his grant (remember those?) for the next 10 years - doing any and every little job that cropped up to give us the money to live. I was able to get back into my profession f/t when my kids were 15 & 12.

It was tough (extra woollies rather than central heating in winter, living on baked potatoes and beans at times) but I have never regretted it for a moment - because I was there for all 'the days' that have built up so many memories for us. Oh, and my kids can't remember ever going without anything - except 'proper' Coca-Cola

a family member lives in a Manchester suburb (attractive to footballers!) and commutes to London 3 days a week working from home or out of the country the rest of the week, so it is done and is workable and certainly not silly.

The pay off is that they have a much nicer home, in a much nicer area, with better schools than if they lived in London or the southern commuter belts of Berkshire, Surrey etc.

I would say don't do it. Be flattered that they asked and use that to boost yourself to knowing that you could easily set up your own business where you are now, but as the job involves long hours and overseas travel, this will severely impact on the time that you get to spend with your children regardless of if it I because of a long commute or long working hours and away trips.

if DH has 65K and you can make 60K 3 days a week that is ample for any family can afford house 2 cars 2 holidays a year and plenty of extra cirrular for your children possibly part time nanny

if london job will need full time nanny and you will not see much of kids ok you will be able to afford private schools for all 3 but is it worth it

Whilst it sounds like a bloody brilliant job career wise, long full time hours plus international travel will significantly compromise your family life, there is no getting away from that. I think your starting point has to be how you want to tip your work/life balance. From your posts I would say that you are tipped in favour of staying up north where you are all settled and taking the £60k pa 3 day a week job. The compromise(s)you would need to make to your family life just seem too great to be won over by £120k. Fantastic achievement to be offered it but just doesn't sound right for you. Getting the work/life balance right sucks.

You know what you want, it's clear from your posts.
You are just afraid to turn down the brilliant opportunity, but it's only a brilliant opportunity if it would actually improve your life/career, and it doesn't sound like it would do either.

You will gain a bigger salary and more interesting job (probably) but cost of living and lack of time will probably negate that.

How much does your DH earn? If you're earning £35k to £80k now there's no need for you to be eating beans on toast long term surely? Depends on what you want I guess. I'm all for balance these days.

I don't think it is a big enough salary to cover the costs of moving, the likely poorer schools and the massive housing costs in London. My advice would be stay where you are for now and keep your hand in job wise. Other opportunities will come as long as you are still working in the industry.

There is plenty of countryside less than 20 miles outside London, and on the salaries that you will have, you can easily afford a nice property, a nanny and the lifestyle that most of us can only dream about.

If this job has security then go for it. Children will survive move. London is tremendous place for children and teenagers. House prices insane but you will manage.

Agreed, London is a brilliant place for children, we have been here since DS was 2 and don't regret it one bit! Lots of families here on much less than the salary you're being offered. We are on a bit less than that and have a very good lifestyle, although just one dc. Your dc will be bored with village life when they hit their teens, and there are certainly very good schools here, with a more cosmopolitan mix of friends for the dc.

I don't think you'd necessarily have the chance to revisit an opportunity like this in a few years, everyone knows that the longer you spend out of an industry, the harder it is to get back in. Plus house prices here are likely to increase even more in the next few years and you might end up being priced out altogether, even on a salary like that.

Yes I agree - stretch yourself for a London investment now and your children will thank you in 30 years!

But the London job is only 20k pa more than the 3 day a week job. And London and relocating there will quickly swallow up that 20k and more, as will tax. Plus the 3 day a week job would leave spare time for more consultancy.

I have to say you sound quite disorganised, and relocating back to somewhere you have presumably left for a good reason sounds like a recipe for disaster.

20k pa more pro rata.

I think you should go for the London job. You dont owe them anything - do it for two years, see how it goes, you'll be in no worse position then than you are now. And if you then want to give your consultancy work another go, you can do so.

I work full time in London (in M&A so I do understand the long hours and the gender bias that exists) and we make it work with a nanny, with DP and I both using some holiday for random days off. You dont have to live in Kensington to have a nice house, be near some great parks and good schools. And for me, it's fulfilling, enriching and a buzz to be working somewhere busy and demanding.

And ohmergerd - i think this is a bit of a cliche and definitely NOT how the working parents I know go about things: So anxious to impress you forgot to take DCs envelope with the love you mummy card and then they cried every night till you got home.

I feel this will not be a popular viewpoint but yabu.

The main thing that jumped out for me is your dd being in 4 schools in 3 years... and now you are considering moving her again?!? Your poor dd. Yes, kids do 'get over' a move...but not move after move after move. Where is her consistency and security? Is is no consideration to some people that this child is being given no chance to make friends, put down roots etc?

Like i said, to me yabu. Take the job you're offered where you are and let your kids settle for once. They'll appreciate that more than a few extras or the 'cosmopolitan' mix of friends they would benefit from in London

your dc will be bored with village life when they hit their teens what shite! It depends on what you bring them up to value.