To be completely stumped

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I have 3 children 20 mths, 5&7 yrs. I've been on maternity leave since no3 arrived but now we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts and down to beans on toast as a treat - you get the gist.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle, dh works remotely and I ran my own consultancy. I've now out of the blue been offered a career changing md job back in London. I got a call on Thursday, went to the meeting yesterday with the existing md and a conference call with the CEO last night and now they want to make me an offer and want me to fly to Belgium on Thursday to meet the chairman. It's over 120k basic - I earn around the upper 80s as a consultant but its not consistent and sometimes that will be more like 35k!

The kids are settled in an outstanding village school, no 3 starting a fab pre school in September. I had just been offered a consultancy contract 3 days a week for 60 k in sept too and now this has come up and I'm so confused.

I need to confirm tomorrow so they can book me on a flight. My head is spinning. The thought of relocating to London - finding schools houses etc - nightmare but its a big 'career move'.

My eldest dd has been in 4 schools in 3 yrs due to us renting and moving we've only just bought a house up here last September ..,...... Sigh.

Please help me to make a life changing decision.

Dh is working now a good job 65k pa

Sorry bowlers cross posted - dh is as stumped but did say if you're as good as they say you are then start another business and put in as much effort here (up north) and you will make it a success!

I would be thinking about what I'd regret most....time lost with kids or missed opportunity at work. Although, I can see the appeal and that you could provide a better future.with more money but at what cost with the cost of living down south.

To be honest, I think whatever you do, you're going to be broke because you are awful at managing money. Your husband is earning £65k, you can earn £35k in a bad year, so with £100k pa you're skint? Whatever amount you earn, you're just going to piss it up the wall.

Knowing families earning well under a combined £30K doing fine, I think you have a distorted sense of what you are able to afford.

That's insightful wmittens but you know know nothing about our financial situation - who we support, where our money goes and what it goes on and why we are struggling now. If you'd read the op, you'd see that we are struggling now for a number of reasons but it hasn't always been that way.

Hmmmmm......I would say, you both want the move and the challenge? On an earlier thread i was accused of not reading the OP's posts properly (), so I have looked at your posts intently, and think you want people to say go for the move to London. Your excitement over that, seems to eclipse the advantages of being 'settled'.

I faced a similar choice. Was offered a big promotion, with great prospects. I knew if I took it, it would be full on leaving little time with the DCs.

I decided not to take it.

I am now in a role that pays well but doesn't challenge me. Some days I don't mind and think of all the time I have with DCs. Other times, fleetingly, I could cry that I gave up what could have been a great career move. It was professionally flattering to be asked to do such a role and I feel in turning it down, I had to give up a bit of myself.

However, I never regret my decision for a single second.

Reading your posts OP and the fact that you say you'd miss your DC if you were away, I would say don't take it.

You have a plan financially and will never get back the time that you could have spent with your DC.

Maybe this role is something you could look at in the future when your DC are older? This is what I am planning to do.

Your dh has a job now and you have a contract lined up. I personally wouldn't do It and uproot your kids.
Also the cost of living is way higher in London so while 120k is a great salary it's not more than you'll be earning jointly now in a cheaper area and the lovely countryside

I read the OP, but there's some odd info in all:

I ran a consultancy employing 22 people for the 5 years until I had dd3 then we moved up here and I closed that business.

You closed it? No one closes a successful business, they sell it and cash in. Closing it sounds like it wasn't doing well/was broke.

We moved up north 3.5 yrs ago for a better lifestyle,

Also bought a house in sept.

If this has factored into the significant debts and you are now broke, you bought a house that you couldn't afford. It sounds like you've bought into a lifestyle that is above your earnings.

we are broke, maxed cards and odrafts

No savings, very extensive borrowing - that points to nothing but not having a handle on your finances.

The cost of living in the area we would have to be in is extortionate,

At this salary you have a lot of flexibility - York, Leeds and Manchester are just over two hours away from London - that's an easy commute for a City exec.

You want a life-changing decision? This job opportunity is not that decision, you can be 100% successful with whatever you choose. The decision is what you do with what you get.

Guess what?

You can never get the days back.

What days?

Sports day, nativity day, playing the tambourine in assembly day, burnt biscuit day, split chin day, kicking that girl who's been pulling your hair day, getting a merit for being kind to yr 1 day, look mummy I'm reading the purple books now day ... Ad infinitum .... Until

They're 18 and you're Scrolling through the iPhone contacts looking for someone to send that picture of them snorkelling in the south of France on their first 'friends no parents' holiday and most of the people are colleagues living down south that you've been working round the click with but you don't really want them seeing a pic of DD/DS in their skimpies so you just smile to yourself and remember that day you jetted off to Brussels for the first time in new job. So anxious to impress you forgot to take DCs envelope with the love you mummy card and then they cried every night till you got home.

No one can take you and all your awesomeness away from you. You're consulting for a decent whack which if u take into account cost if living, house prices, private school etc will either equal or better the £120k

Nice to be able to say you command a salary at that level I know. Nicer still to be able to say, darling you said your lines so well today in the play and would you like Harry/ Hattie over for tea tonight, shall we go and ask her/ his mum.

My life. For DD1 the status job, big presents and flash holidays. I'm working now to build our relationship to where it should/ would/ could be. She's 23.

Ohmergerd such a brilliant post thank you.

Wmittens just to give you a quick insight: I sold my rights to my business - my license to offer consultants to an established business for a fee. I closed my business after that because the market I operate in has changed and the need for my consultants has also shifted to perm staff. It wasn't as successful in the end as it should have been.That's an overview.

We bought our house and two weeks after husband lost his job and I was on mat leave we paid savings of 78k as a down payment then he lost his job. I had savings of 19k which saw us through till he found a new job but it was tight and we used all available credit up on the premise that we would pay it off when I return to work in September.

I'm not going to commute from York or Manchester - that's just silly.

I think WMittens meant that you could commute to well paid jobs in Leeds or Manchester, etc..

If your DH earns 65k and you are due to start a 60k job, you don't have to do too many calculations to work out that one person earning 120k per year in London is going to be significantly worse off, taking off tax and expenses.

I'm also intrigued as to what kind of jobs and consultancies offer these salaries, as I'm a lawyer and DH formerly an engineer, and we earned nothing like that.

Her husband could do his job from anywhere, LessMiss, so they'd be on £185,000.

No brainer for me. The kids would come first, but that's just me. It's your life, your decision. You can't get the time back.

We bought our house and two weeks after husband lost his job

I thought you bought in September and your husband lost his job in January?

I sold my rights to my business ... I had savings of 19k

Didn't you get a windfall from the sale? I don't actually want an answer to that because I don't need to know the ins and outs of your finances - from what you've said you cannot balance income to outgoings - sorting this out will reward you.

I'm not going to commute from York or Manchester - that's just silly.

No, it's an option. It's dependent only on how much you want something, and how much you are willing to sacrifice to get it.

I've worked with several people who have commuted two hours or more each way each day (some by car, some by train). It's not something I would ever want to do, but it worked for them.

Match your lifestyle to your income, not pick a lifestyle and hope your income will stretch - it doesn't work like that. This outlook now appears to be the norm in this country, with everyone told they need to aspire to the latest and greatest.

This is only advice, feel free to ignore it (as I know you are aware) - I only post it to give food for thought.

I think it's better to stick to the general problem the OP has rather than nitpicking about savings etc.

1. Her eldest has moved 4 times and is aged 7.
2. If she takes the new job she won't see them much.
3. If she takes the new job the family will be uprooted back to London.
4. She will make about another £60,000 if she moves to London but those costs will be eaten up with housing and childcare costs.
5. Her children are happy where they are.

OP, you've reached the point where you've realised you can't have everything.

You've chosen to have three children and presumably that's because you wanted to spend time with them.

You know you're intelligent and capable and you are flattered by being offered work that will pay very well. The offside to this is that by taking this job, you won't see much of your children.

If you can stay where you are (in a cheaper and more stable environment) you can build up a consultancy. You are clearly able and will be able to do this.

If you move, you won't see the children and truthfully, any job you're given won't be as satisfying as a business you've set up yourself.

It doesn't make you any less ambitious by putting your children first. You chose to have them, so be proud in choosing their needs first. I spent the first year of my son's life desperate to prove that nothing had changed. I completely agree with the poster who says working for the work is different to doing shit for money.

Choosing a good salary over a great salary in order to provide your kids with stability would be an awesome sacrifice. And it sets a precedent: only when more professionals make choices around their children, rather than fitting their families around work, will things truly become equal. Success should not mean you have to work like a single, 25 year old man with no strings. Embrace your strings and have confidence in what you've built as a family.

Thanks so much there's some great advice here. I'm a management consultant for mergers and acquisitions. The consultancy I ran placed short to medium term contractors on new organic growth launch businesses and acquisitions to help get them off the ground - for the person that asked. It's a well paid sector but very sexist, I'd be the only woman at md level in the sector - sad but true.

I suppose I've been catapulted into a situation re going back to a corporate role when I wasn't even looking! It's just thrown me. My children always come first and that's why we moved up here to get more time with them and to have the countryside on our doorstep. In the flattery and in the whirlwind of being offered a great 'career' position it just threw me as it is a dream job and I suppose if I didn't have children then it would be a no brainer.

I admit there are times when bring a consultant sucks and it isn't financially consistent but its great to be able to vf your own boss.

Sorry bloody auto typing - 'be your own boss'

I think it's better to stick to the general problem the OP has rather than nitpicking about savings etc.

Or, address the root problem rather than the symptom.

Or, address the root problem rather than the symptom

I don't know what your issue is on this thread, but you seem to be imagining a problem I can't see. The OP cash shortage is very simply explained, temporary unemployment. The only people who aren't vulnerable to this are those capable of living off investment income.

Wmittens er sorry are you mixing this thread up with another one.

Well, if you've been offered this job out of the blue, realistically, there's other roles you'd be suited for - and if you are one of very few woman at this level with this sort of experience then there will be other roles for you.

It might be good for you to get in touch with a couple of head hunters specialising in professional services placements (most big firms will have one or two consultants who'll cover this space), and get some career advice, ask about what else is out there, if you could be considered for roles in the north. Don't just take this job because it's flattering to be asked, if you wouldn't have sort out this role then it's not for you, or at least, not for you in the next 3-4 years.

Alot of assumptions going on here, and projecting... None of us are living your life or know the huge amount of history and context.

What are the 3 amazing things and 1 worrying thing about A. Staying where you are and doing the consultancy job
B. Taking the London job & all that it entails
Also, for each scenario, where will you (might you) be in 5 years after taking the decision?