First week back at work from mat leave, H arrives home before me but didn't collect DS from childminder - twice!

[Jammy321]

Last week I started back at work after one year maternity leave. My DS goes to a child minder, two minute drive away. On Thursday, my trains were delayed and literally turned up a few minutes before 6pm, was rushing to get there and obviously to spend a precious 45 mins or so with my baby. It was DS's first day at child minder and I got back and my H was home, he normally gets back well past 7:30pm. He said he had a head ache and if I wanted him to collect him, I should have let him know I was running late. I had no idea he was even home!! I was even more surprised that H couldn't be bothered to spend time with our baby, particularly given that H had dropped DS off at 7:15am, its a long day for DS. To top it off, H did it again on Friday but instead he left work early and went to our local pub. Got back home around 7:30pm and said he'd been at the local pub. I collected DS on Friday and he was the last lonely looking child there and I ended up getting upset with the child minder. Meanwhile, H was a few minutes away in the pub. I don't think H cares one bit about our son and he thinks I am being unreasonable for being mad at him. I keep saying to him I don't understand and he just says he had a headache. I told him he was selfish and unsupportive, particularly given it was my first week back. What do you think?

TalkativeJim

"You made your tiny son work overtime so that you could go drinking. That's what it felt like to me"

So instead of having a sensible, adult conversation about expectations, you suggest emotional blackmail. That's a sound footing for a long lasting relationship.

You are not over reacting, I would be furious. Sit down and have a long discussion - you are back in work now and can't be expected to shoulder all the childcare, getting up, dressed, pick up, bath time & bed. It is just too much. DS is his son too and it's time he stepped up to the plate.

My DS is 2, I largely do drop off at childminders and then myself & husband communicate by text, whoever is home earliest picks up from CM.

I would be so upset if DH acted in this way on my first week back at work. TBH he sounds like a bit of a dick

You know, quite apart from the picking up DS issue, if either my DH or I get off work early, we go home and start dinner/tidy up/stick on a load of laundry, because with two fulltime working parents and an hour's commute, evenings are a horrible scramble otherwise.

And that's without the "first week back" aspect. Fucking off to the pub is not on.