To wonder how its possible for someone to forget about their baby [Warning: distressing news story]

[foreverondiet]

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3 deaths in 2 weeks in a tiny country. How is it possible to forget about your baby. Btw I don't think any of these were people who just nipped into the shops and left their babies in the car on purpose. But struggling to understand how it's possible to happen by accident?

I read an article about this a few years ago, and it has stuck in my mind. I don't think it was the one linked, I'm not going to read it.

My SIL had once arranged to come and mind my two younger DCs while I collected my eldest from school. She arrived late, so I already had the baby in the car. I left the toddler with her. I picked up the eldest and went to get a couple of things from the shop. I took my eldest in with me, I forgot about the baby. Luckily we were only in there for five mins, but it really made me understand how these things can happen. In my mind, I had checked the baby off as being with SIL, as had been planned.

Thankfully, we don't use childminders or anything like that, otherwise I'd be really worried about doing it again.

Reading this and thinking - I could NEVER forget my baby! What sort of person does that?

However in all honestly, I maybe could. Any of us could.rich people could, poor people could, all it takes is a change of routine. And that is truly terrifying.

I can't imagine the grief those parents are facing. To know you are responsible for your child's death, that it could have so easily been prevented would be torture.

Off to give my two a cuddle

I can see how it would happen, I've forgotten to do DD's seatbelt up once when I was distracted. I have to do a journey this afternoon that I wouldn't normally have DD with me for, I'll make sure I put the big changing bag on the front seat next to my handbag as a reminder.

I think Rooney is on to something.

When I had my eldest children, DH worked long hours, six or seven days a week so I had sole responsibility for them. I rarely ever left home without them and I don't remember ever losing track of one.

But when I had my youngest, born when his siblings were teenagers, I had two near misses, where I totally forgot about him. I think the combination of four of us taking care of him - DH worked from home and the teens loved to babysit babysit their little brother - plus many years as a unencumbered adult nipping around on my own, meant I didn't feel the weight of responsibility in the way I had the first time round.

I can see how a sleeping baby could be left in a car. That article made for a harrowing read.

feckoff

yep. done that morecthan once.

in fact when DS2 was born and we brought him home from the hospital DH realized he strapped baby in the seat, but didn't strap in the seat itself!
DS2 was literally less than 12 hours old.
also we changed car seats around for a trip to Whipsnade (about2 hours drive) and when we got there DH did a sharp turn and this time it was a 2nd stage carseat that tumbled off the seat, upside down! again, DH forgot to strap the chair in. I was livid, DH was mortified.
so lucky that it was a 5-point harness and DS3 was smaller so his head didn't hit the floor!
(just to explain, we have an 8-seater and one seat was taken out- the space of which the child car seat flipped into)

thank fuck we weren't involved in a accident either time.
and since Whipsnade I double check straps.

actually the more I think the more lucky escapes I remember.

• DS1 almost falling out of a window because I didn't know he can climb up,
• DS5 running on to the road because I was distracted and let go of his hand, thankfully there were no cars in sight
• DS4 pulling out the biggest knife from the dishwasher - I was literally 2 steps away but turned away to get a wipe
• DS2 biting into my glass and breaking it - he had not a scratch, despite his mouth being full of glass shards.

also all the other accidents that I ever heard of - just because these things happen.

I was going to post that article too - it stays with you once you've read it. Maybe the simplest change it suggests is to put the car seat behind the passenger seat, not behind the driver's seat.

Yes this is it, when you drop a child at nursery, for the day, you HAVE to switch off your automatic 'where's the baby' sensor because you would go quietly mad otherwise.

You have to remind yourself at the start, that someone else has them, that they are not with you for a reason and you don't have to check on them every few minutes.

Therefore you're changing the wiring in your brain, for those sessions and that means your brain knows how to short itself and might be more likely to do so when you ARE in charge of the child?

I don't know.

rooney

you mean like "out of sight, out of mind?"

I really wish I hadn't read that Washington post stuff, it's haunted me ever since. :(

I have always had my car seat behind passenger seat - because that way when you park, baby is on the pavement side. And also easier to see them. In time even with 3 kids, still always have baby car seat at passenger side - as its hardest to get them in and out hence need to be at pavement. Not sure sure why anyone would have at other side?

re: comments - above:
The inventors could not find a commercial partner willing to manufacture it. One big problem was liability. If you made it, you could face enormous lawsuits if it malfunctioned and a child died. But another big problem was psychological: Marketing studies suggested it wouldn't sell well. The problem is this simple: People think this could never happen to them.

I agree and thats why such a device would have to required by law. Yes it could still malfunction, but parents wouldn't really be aware it was fitted - it would just be sometime fitted as standard into all cars and all car seats.

If they weren't aware it was fitted, how would they use it? And how could they trust it if it can malfunction? It just renders it useless as an alert if sometimes it doesn't go off. People won't be able to rely on it.

Forever, I have my baby's seat fitted on the left as you're driving.

This is because the time we use the car most often is at school, and we normally park against the left hand side pavement - so you can see that it is safer to have the baby seat on the pavement side.

Awful stories :(

I will admit to forgetting dd once though, she was 4months old and I'd been at college from 6am to 2pm then work from 2.30-6pm...I then drove home, straight past the nursery dd was in!!! I didn't realise til I got to the front door! Felt absolutely awful, I did put it down to tiredness though!

I have read the articles posted by zoetstoffen.
I feel physically ill. Not with anger, or judgemental of the parent, but total sympathy and sorrow.
I feel so sorry for the,parents. No just that they had to go through the loss, but the legal battle aswell.
My heart bleeds.
Sory, why are we discussing this again?

Is it possible?
of course it's possible.
what a stupid question.

God I am chilled to the bone by that article - heartbreaking .

What's worse is on the herald link in their current stories at the bottom is a link to a story on a woman who's just been charged for very same thing.

This is one that will stay with me.

link

Link re: car alarms - after the 3 deaths in Israel all new cars to have safety alarms built in as standard. I guess takes time for all cars to have such an alarm but definately step in right direction and hopefully technology will go global.

I read that article a few years ago and have been thinking about it a lot since the hot weather started. I think it could easily happen to any of us.

Not sure it is an argument against mothers working/parents sharing care though.

I wish I hadn't read that article.

I think it's knowing/imagining the type of pain the dc suffered and then that stomach wrenching moment the parents experience on discovery of what has happened that makes this so hard to comprehend.

I don't understand why though the safety devices haven't been made available - something built in to the child seat - why haven't enough people lobbied for this - could mn help? That is a campaign I would put my voice to and am sure integers would too.

Wish there was a warning about that article. I have a 10 month old. I read the article this morning and I can't sleep for thinking about those poor babies.

I know it gets a message across but it was so distressing. I really feel sick.

An Australian woman has today been charged with manslaughter over this: www.news.com.au/national-news/victoria/woman-charged-with-manslaughter-over-death-of-baby-girl-near-bendigo/story-fnii5sms-1226680694432

I read that WaPo article before. It is amazing, really moving and disturbing at the same time. It helped me to understand these situations as terrible tragedies. To think you've killed your own child and caused them such pain must be awful.

I have had the opposite situation where I'm in the supermarket while DH takes care of DS, for example, and I keep on absent-mindedly looking for him or leaving the trolley for a minute to go and get something and panicking for a second when I realize it's not next to me. It's like having a phantom limb or something!

If I ever do the school run without the baby I get a jolt every so often thinking 'where on earth is my baby' it's a weird feeling

I can totally get why this can happen. When my oldest was 2 and I had a newborn I didn't get any sleep for months. I filled my diesel car with petrol once (expensive mistake) and forgot to strap the baby's car seat into the seat belt. The two year old had run off whilst putting the baby seat in so I ran after the other and automatically put him in the car and drove off. I didn't realise until I was home and felt devastated.

Another time (pre children) my father and I drove from Wales to London on the M4 and neither of us clocked driving over the Severn Bridge. It was weird.

Autopilot is a dangerous thing combined with sleep deprivation.

Reading this though - I wonder how long it is safe to drive with a baby in the car for?

Is it only when the vehicle is parked that it's so dangerous? (in terms of heat, I mean)

as the last few days I have taken ds3 in the car, he's gone to sleep, I've left him in it to buy petrol and so on - and then when we get home sometimes I mess about doing the front garden or putting bins out and so on while he is still sleeping in his seat.

But I do open the car door, or at least leave the window open. Is this dangerous? And it isn't in direct sunlight either...

I wondered about people who have to drive long distances on a hot day with a baby. Is that dangerous too? (genuine question, we did a 20 mile round trip the other day and I was worried about it being too hot for him)