To wonder how its possible for someone to forget about their baby [Warning: distressing news story]

[foreverondiet]

link

3 deaths in 2 weeks in a tiny country. How is it possible to forget about your baby. Btw I don't think any of these were people who just nipped into the shops and left their babies in the car on purpose. But struggling to understand how it's possible to happen by accident?

[leavesalmondoutofit]

amothersplaceisinthewrong are you my daughter?

[Morloth]

I was so dozy when I had DS1 that I had to put my handbag next to the babyseat.

Obviously, I don't love my handbag more than my baby, but I had had 15 years of grabbing my bag and getting out of the car.

People are creatures of habit, unfortunately this is one habit that can result in no second chances...

[FridaKarlov]

That article was heartbreaking :( How awful. I'm very forgetful; glad I don't drive.

[Jan49]

I find it horrifying and hard to understand and although I know it's said that it could happen to anyone, I firmly believe I would not do it. But I don't drive and my ds is an adult anyway now.

If you look at some of the accounts of when it's happened in the U.S., the parent basically drives to work instead of going to the daycare first, and gets out of the car without realising the baby/child is still in there. I can't imagine behaving like that because when my ds was little and in a car, we'd be constantly checking on him or talking to him. Also when we had a family car (his dad drove) there's no way a driver would get out without noticing the child in the back, even if they forgot.

Anyway, it happens, though as far as I know not in the UK? So I think there ought to be devices in cars to set off alarms if someone is left in the car and it's locked up or whatever. Arranging for the nursery to call if the child doesn't arrive would also help in some cases.

[MorganMummy]

I would never judge these parents - I'm massively forgetful since DS. I am wondering if it might happen more with big cars? Only because I am aware of how tiny mine is (3 door) so hard not to see DS in it when getting out or walking past (and v old so no central locking, meaning you have to look in a bit when clocking drivers side, check passenger side maybe and hence look into car more).

I wonder if this might be part of the reason it happens a lot in US (though obviously the extreme weather is the reason it results in such tragedy).

[MorganMummy]

clocking locking

[Morloth]

If DS2 was still a little baby I could see this happening to me (though happily I park in a garage at the office, so while he would be annoyed he would be safe).

I take DS1 to OOSH at 7am and drive directly to work, DH takes DS2 to daycare.

When things change for some reason I have to constantly remind myself about the change, I have driven past the daycare when I was supposed to be collecting him. I have taken my usual turns when intending to go somewhere else after work.

Every day I do the same thing, it can be difficult to override the auto-pilot and if the baby is quietly asleep and the carseat is usually there, I could see how it could happen.

[MorganMummy]

It is truly terrifying and so sad. Thinking about it, I think I would have forgotten DS somewhere or something like that if I had to take him somewhere on the way to work -your mind disengages. I work part-time and leave him at home with childminder/DP.

I have once thought that I forgot to do up his car-seat as I had obviously loosened it when we got home, unloaded something else, then came back to him not strapped in. I couldn't remember strapping him in at the start of the journey or unstrapping him. Definitely a case of it being something out of my normal routine.

[5madthings]

Awful, tragic, heartbreaking. Those poor parents and children.

Its horrifying but yes it could happen to anyone, I have forgotten to put the littlest into the car, suddenly realizing they are sat in their car seat in the front porch.


So sad :(

[Holly94]

Really sad :(
I remember being 5 years old and having a new baby sister. It was sunmertime and my mum was getting ready to take us out for the day. As we were walking out the house I said 'isn't the baby coming with us?' And my mum rushed back inside to get her. Shows how easy it can happen :(

[ZingWidge]

I used to change my older child's nappy, stand him up to walk away, then change baby's nappy - and sometimes I would stand baby up expecting him to walk off!
I did that once with a 3 week old and I don't know what kind of Ninja reflex made me catch him, but for a minute I could not figure out why he wouldn't walk!

I'm not going to read the article, skimming the thread is enough for me.

so tragic, but sleep deprivation can have awful consequences, whether driving whilst overtired and causing an accident or forgetting to unplug the iron and burning the house down...

poor babies, poor families, just terrible

[FryOneFatManic]

My mum took me into town as a baby, which was a walk of more than a mile, parked the pram outside the shop (which was what you did in those days) and did her shopping. When she finished she went home on the bus, having completely forgotten she'd left me outside the shop.

She got home, realised she didn't have me and had to catch the bus back into town. I was still asleep in the pram outside the shop.

But then, Mum has always been known for having a rubbish memory.

[ratbagcatbag]

That Washington post article is haunting. The poor poor man who deactivated his motion sensor alarm three times thinking it was just faulty.

Harrowing. :(

[livinginwonderland]

My friend's mum left her in a supermarket trolley once. She went to the car to meet her husband who just said "Haven't you forgotten something?" and it took her a good few minutes to realise he meant the baby!

[ArabellaBeaumaris]

God. Have you read the linked article, OP? Harrowing. It's an accident that could happen to anyone.

[cory]

My MIL forgot her baby (much loved, much wanted) in the greengrocer's. I told this story to another mum on the maternity ward and it turned out she had been left as a baby under similar circumstances. We decided it was probably down to some kind of baby brain/possible PND.

[RoooneyMara]

I think, having read the story about the woman leaving her baby in the car while she was at work in the USA the other week, that a combination of sleep deprivation, having to go back to work too soon (ie when the baby is still keeping you up all night, and you are still very connected to the baby, in a tangible physical hormonal sense, can conspire to make things like this happen.

I have not left my babies anywhere, well not for more than a few seconds, without remembering them, BUT when ds3 was a week or two old I remember waking from a nap - day or night, I don't even know - and thinking he was not in the bed beside me - and thinking, where is he??! and walking frantically round the house looking everywhere before realising that he was, in fact, sound asleep on the bed, but because of my sleeping/waking/dreaming state I hadn't seen him there.

Babies do affect people's cognitive abilities, and this should be taken far more seriously by a government who is putting parents in the awful position of having to function on a working level while their babies are too small.

Not trying to use it to make a political point but I do think it might be connected iyswim.

[RoooneyMara]

Sorry, obviously I AM trying to make a point - but I don't want to be disrespectful to the babies who have lost their lives.

[foreverondiet]

Yes I agree harrowing. But still wonder if its more likely to happen when people are driving when they aren't really safe to drive (eg being overtired).

Putting bag in back seat might help but do wonder if easier to forget bag than forget a baby? Also see that risks are higher when child is asleep and also when normal routine is disrupted.

Plus still think this is something that car and car seat manufacturers need to be forced to address.

[NinaJade666]

I wish I hadn't read that article before bed too. I didn't sleep for a couple of hours. The description of the worst case that had been seen will stick in my mind forever.

Awful, and it is the case that it could happen to anyone.

I think I would end my own life if I did this. I couldn't live with myself. I really feel for those babies and parents.

[Lazyjaney]

Busy + tired + fragmented mind that only small kids can cause = this sort of thing happening. There but for the grace of God....

[NinaJade666]

Nasa employees did come up with a solution but worries about malfunction resulting in a death of an infant means no company will manufacture it.

[boomboomfirepower]

I read that article and cried. It's utterly horrendous and I feel so much for those parents.

I don't drive, and honestly after reading that I don't know if I would let anyone else drive my son to nursery.

God it must be awful for something like that to happen to you.