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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder how its possible for someone to forget about their baby [Warning: distressing news story]

159 replies

foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 21:01

link

3 deaths in 2 weeks in a tiny country. How is it possible to forget about your baby. Btw I don't think any of these were people who just nipped into the shops and left their babies in the car on purpose. But struggling to understand how it's possible to happen by accident?

OP posts:
MrsOgg · 15/07/2013 21:57

Oh God I wish I hadn't read that article.

Trills · 15/07/2013 22:02

YABU. It is easier than you think. As demonstrated here.

LittleSporksBigSpork · 15/07/2013 22:05

Very sad cases Sad. Particularly in areas not used to this weather, it's not drilled in so much to prevent these things. I grew up in the States where it's more common and there are media campaigns every year along the road to help remind people. It really is sadly so easy if you go into autopilot.

I once forgot toddler DD2 when we were out and after counting her older siblings into a place as I always I remembered (because 3 was missing) and realized I couldn't see her, I started to panic to DH that I'd lost her. He then pointed at her - she was physically attached to me in the carrier. She was at an age where she was rarely carried but was tired and it was so busy. I felt so silly, still do when DH its brought up.

LynetteScavo · 15/07/2013 22:11

Every summer we hear of these sad cases.

I'm guessing babies left in cars when the weather is mild survive and therefore don't make the news, which makes me wonder how many babies are forgotten by busy stressed parents.

LilacPeony · 15/07/2013 22:23

I've read about this before and it's very possible for this to happen to someone by accident and it's devastating for the families.

Original poster
foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 22:25

Just read that article - see the point about all the circumstances aligning.

But also think that if you see on the news that it happened to someone else, well, it would remind you to be extra vigilant.

And yes babies left in car in colder weather would survive, although cars are like greenhouses, so even a warm day (as opposed to a very hot day) would be a problem.

I suppose also because I don't drive to work (use train) and because I don't drive my DC to school or nursery (walk there first) its harder to imagine.

I also think that car and also car seat manufacturers need to improve detection systems - eg if your car seat seat belt is fastened then the car won't lock and an alarm goes off?

OP posts:
AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 15/07/2013 22:29

That article says products have been designed but they don't make it to market because who would buy them when a lot of people think it couldn't happen to them. I'd snap one up in a heartbeat if I had a car just in case.

Original poster
foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 22:33

re: products - would have to be standard in all cars / all car seats.

By law, as yes people wouldn't buy otherwise.

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 15/07/2013 22:34

I left DD in a shop once. And when DH asked where the baby was, I said "what baby?". Totally forgot her existence for those few minutes. She was about a month old.

girlsyearapart · 15/07/2013 22:37

Chilling article.
Dh once left baby dd3 in her cot & went out to help a friend move furniture.
He didnt realise he had left her until I got home and realised he was out & she wasn't...

madamecake · 15/07/2013 22:37

Another one here who was left outside a shop in a pram. My dm only realised when she was on the bus home.
I believe it could happen to anyone, I'm actually relieved I don't have a car anymore as I'm quite forgetful anyway.

PistachioTruffle · 15/07/2013 22:39

That article is one of the saddest things I've ever read. I'm pregnant with dc1, but will certainly take on board the tip about leaving something you need in the back of the car as a reminder.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 15/07/2013 22:40

Just read the entire Washington Post article. I have no words to adequately explain my reaction.I feel such overwhelming sadness for all the people concerned. I'm resisting the urge to wake 10 month old DS up for a cuddle. Heart-breaking reading.

phantomnamechanger · 15/07/2013 22:42

if they can make cars with alarms that sound to tell you the light is left on, or a door is not shut, or numerous other warnings - surely there is something they can do about this. Sad

TheYoniExpress · 15/07/2013 22:45

I have just read the article - so moving and powerful. Wonderfully written.

I feel a bit sick though - very much a feeling of 'there by the grace of god go I' ... Or whatever the equivalent is for an atheist like me.

So far, I have only once driven past the childminder's house (which is on my way to work anyway) before realising that I had DD1 In the car still and had to do a u-turn.

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 15/07/2013 22:45

It said in the article that it nearly was made law (in the US i think) but the car companies would have overridden it for some reason or other so it was dropped. Don't want to read the article again to find the reason given.

CrackerSnacker · 15/07/2013 22:47

Since watching an episode of Oprah featuring a mother who had done this, I now have DD in the front at all times (airbag switched off). Even with her chattering away to me, I've managed to get half way to work without dropping her at nursery first. Scary stuff.

Hercy · 15/07/2013 22:51

McNewPants, I think the technology already exists. In my partner's car, if you have a crash, it automatically alerts the emergency services with precise location and the number of people in the car, which is judged by weight distribution on the seat. So presumably if a car was locked when it could feel there was someone in the car, it would be quite easy for it to trigger the alarm or horn or something to alert you.

I've only ever come across that feature in his car, but you would think if it was going to save horrible tragedies of this sort, it should be as standard as airbags etc.

issey6cats · 15/07/2013 22:57

i left my daughter outside tescos for 3 hours when she was about a month old, this was late 1970s, i had taken her older brother to playgroup, went shopping, walked home, a couple of hours later went to pick him up, realised something missing, OMG the baby have never run up the road so fast in all my life, and only excuse at the time was daughter was a poor sleeper she would only sleep twenty minutes at a time in each 3 hours, and her brother was a lively 4 year old, ironically no one had noticed the pushchair because she had slept all the way through being left there,

Helpyourself · 15/07/2013 23:01

Brilliant idea to put something on the back seat you need, so you have to go back before you leave.

babybythesea · 15/07/2013 23:08

Nearly left DD2 at school the other day - she's 12 weeks old! Took DD1, needed to talk to the teacher so parked the pram at the bottom of the classroom steps (in the playground) but slightly tucked away into a bit of shade and with the cover up. Chatted to teacher and got caught in the middle of Wake and Shake so had to side-step, with teacher, off the dance stage! Then bumped into the Dad of a new friend of DD1. This friend has just moved here and wanted DD1 to go to her house to play so I was walking across the playground with him, while he told me how to find their place and we sorted out times etc. Then, as we walked out of the school gate he said "And you'll bring the baby?" I said "Shit, the baby" and had to run back through the middle of Wake and Shake to retrieve her much to the amusement of the entire school. But it was only funny because she was in a safe place and I remembered fairly quickly.

My gran went on holiday and left my aunt asleep in a carry cot on the dining room table. Gran put her in there to keep it quiet so she'd sleep while they packed everything up and the she, Grandad and Mum (aged 4) walked the half hour to the station with all their luggage. It was as they were sitting on the platform waiting for the train that mum said "Didn't the baby want to come on holiday with us?" That could have been a tragedy too. It is just so easily done.

tallulah · 15/07/2013 23:09

There was a spate of these in Europe last year Sad. I wondered then why nurseries etc don't have a system of phoning parents who haven't dropped off a child and haven't phoned in. Schools manage to do it.

I read the whole article and while I can completely understand why you might forget I don't understand why your mind doesn't click later on. Once you start into your normal job I know my mind starts to replay the morning without my being totally aware, and it's at that point that I'll remember I didn't lock the car/ feed the cats/ pick my phone up/ post a letter - whatever I'd planned to do. Or I'll suddenly see in my mind's eye my lunch sitting on the kitchen worktop. Would your brain not suddenly tick into "I don't remember stopping at nursery"?

McNewPants2013 · 15/07/2013 23:09

its has taking some googling but i have found the solution.

babyalert.info/childminder-infant-toddler-elite-pad-system.html

babybythesea · 15/07/2013 23:14

Tallulah - doesn't it depend what you are doing?

In my old job, for example, there would be quiet days when I was computer based and then yes, my mind would probably tick over as you described. But I also had days when 120 kids showed up for a special workshop and on those days I'd have no idea what I'd done that morning as it would all have been too frantic.

Skillbo · 15/07/2013 23:22

Absolutely heartbreaking and i cannot find an ounce of me that thinks 'how could you forget?' Perhaps I am just forgetful but my goodness, i can see so clearly how this happens... so not sure if the question was there but YABU

Just tragic - wish i hadn't read that article just before bed Sad

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