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AIBU?

To wonder how its possible for someone to forget about their baby [Warning: distressing news story]

159 replies

foreverondiet · 15/07/2013 21:01

link

3 deaths in 2 weeks in a tiny country. How is it possible to forget about your baby. Btw I don't think any of these were people who just nipped into the shops and left their babies in the car on purpose. But struggling to understand how it's possible to happen by accident?

OP posts:

Report

WestieMamma · 19/07/2013 00:15

I remember when I was about 8 and my mum came home from the shops (about a 15 minute walk away). As she sat down she said 'I'm sure I've forgotten something'. Then suddenly she looked like this -> , got up and ran from the house. She'd left my newborn baby brother outside the shop in his pram.

FuckNugget · 18/07/2013 23:55

I really wish I hadn't read that article linked to above . How absolutely heartbreaking for anyone involved in these situations. I can completely see that it could happen to anyone.

My mum used to do the nursery run for DS (now 13). We laughed about the day she got to work and DS said something to her and she jumped out of her skin because she thought she had dropped him off at nursery. Easily done with a sleeping baby .

MrsMook · 18/07/2013 23:09

My mother left me, and 17 years later, my brother in the prams outside shops. We were new babies at the time so she wasn't in the habit of pushing a pram. It amazes me that in 2 1/2 yrs of motherhood that I haven't left an infant behind... yet...

I had a moment earlier where I wondered where DS2 was. I have a seat on top of the pram for DS1. He was sat up there and blocking my view of DS2 who was fast asleep and very quiet in the pram as he should have been. My brain just lost track for a moment.

I could easily forget DS2 in the car- I haven't yet, but I notice DS1's presence more, and when it's nursery day, it's easy to feel like I'm on my own when DS2 is sleeping. I can understand how it happens.

TidyDancer · 18/07/2013 22:56

My friend did something similar with her newly toddling DD.

We were shopping in M&S and I was quite pregnant with my DD at the time. About to leave the shop and she held the door open for me, totally forgetting that her DD was beside her, who legged it out the door and straight into the road. Luckily, I clocked her in time, grabbed her arm (nearly dislocating it, I felt so bad) and yanked her out of the road seconds before a car came hurtling along. She was so close to being hit and if both of us hasn't been there, she likely would've been.

Friend was, is and probably always will be wracked with guilt about it. She just totally forgot in that moment that she had a child.

While sometimes these moments of absentmindedness have such tragic consequences, I can see how they so easily happen. :(

Jinty64 · 18/07/2013 22:34

I think it would be a good idea for an information leaflet to be given out with each car seat. It could alert people to the risks and give advice on what to do if they see a child alone in a car. It would only serve to raise awareness but would be a start.

lougle · 18/07/2013 22:22

I left DD2 behind at school last week.

I had gone to collect her and, unusually, had DD1 with me.

DD 3 saw my SIL and asked to go around to collect her DS from his classroom. DD1 started to fuss and so SIL took them both around, asking me to wait for her DD, who is in the class next to DD2.

Before the DCs came out, SIL had collected her DS and was back around. I saw her and thought 'great, she's back.'

I took custody of DDs 1&3, and did my mental head count 'one, two...' let's go. I had totally overlooked the fact that I had DD1 with me.

I got 3/4 out of the playground before I remembered that I didn't have DD2 with me.

Cheekybubbles · 18/07/2013 22:16

Clearly have been thinking about this a lot! On way to work today and realised I actually have a good solution without alarms and things!

I have a mirror attached to my back headrest in the car. It was about £10 from tesco. Means I can see DD everytime I look in my rear view mirror so as long as the mirror is there I know she is in or not in the car. I guess you would just need to make sure the mirror was in any car that your child was going into.

ThePowerof3 · 18/07/2013 22:03

Thanks Trills, I'll try that. It's shocking that so many babies have died this way in the USA in this year alone. You're right whothefuckfarted, we'll all be more vigilant after that article

Laquila · 18/07/2013 09:26

That Washington Post article might be the saddest thing I've ever read. Apologies if I've missed this upthread, but does anyone know if Lyn Balfour went on to have a surrogate baby for the Harrisons?

Whothefuckfarted · 18/07/2013 09:04

I shared the (distressing) article along with this video on my face book

I agree the details in the article are graphic, two nights now it's taken me awhile to get to sleep. But I tell you what, I glance in every car I walk past now. It's a distressing article, but if you read it, it really does drive the message home. Whereas the video just points out not to purposely leave your child, or walk away when you see one alone in a car. The article had much more impact on my future actions.

Trills · 18/07/2013 08:20

On an ipad when you are looking at something on the internet put your finger on the URL

the internet address, that looks a bit like this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1803654

then press it again and hold it and it should give you the option to "select all" and then to "copy".

Then go to the place you want to put it (in the writing-box on MN) press and hold again, and you should get the option to paste, whereupon the URL will magically appear in that writing box

Then if you want it to go linky, check the box under the MN-writing-box saying "Convert links automatically"

ThePowerof3 · 17/07/2013 16:22

I do t know how to link articles or if its possible on iPad but I was just reading an article from an American paper and 13 babies/toddlers have died after being left in a hot car in the USA this year alone

Cheekybubbles · 17/07/2013 15:27

I wouldn't share on my Facebook or twitter as I found the article too graphic and upsetting.

I agree wholeheartedly the awareness has to be raised but found some of the details unnecessary, eg the worst case ever. I wish I had never read that and I would be happier to pass on if some of the detail was toned down a bit.

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/07/2013 13:15

I wonder if it might be good to spread that article further- I found it very upsetting to read but that's why it stuck with me maybe if we could share on FB/twitter that would be a start- I will ask mumsnet on FB to share- anyone on twitter?

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/07/2013 13:13

That's a really good idea neeps not sure how we would go about pushing these suggestions from this thread but am happy to help.
Does anyone know how we might begin to do something to raise awareness?

neepsandtatties · 17/07/2013 12:50

This mainly seems to occur on the way to dropping off children at daycare/childcare. Couldn't there be a campaign where all nurseries/childminders agree that they will make all efforts to contact parents within half-an-hour for un-notified absences? I know this wouldn't catch every case (due to swiss cheese effect) but it would have to be worth a try.

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 12:31

I can't read it.

I'd rather not know details.
same reason I don't watch the news or read the papers.
I can't cope...

but I agree, raising awareness is very important.

ZingWidge · 17/07/2013 12:28

owllady (hug)

Owllady · 17/07/2013 12:24

I left ds2 (my third) in the car when he was a few months old and I honestly cannot tell you why. I couldn't park the car by the house and had to park a few streets away. I then got out of the car and walked home, went into the house, sat down etc. Dh was there and he asked where ds2 was and at that point I realised I had left him in the car. It wasa hot day as well. I ran back and he was asleep and fine, but I felt awful. I haven't done it since, but really honestly I cannot even explain to myself why i did it, it was completely accidental

ZipItShrimpy · 17/07/2013 12:20

Totally agree 5MadThings. Sometimes it takes something really shocking to make the message sink in.

The weather is so hot at the moment that even a relatively short space of time could be catastrophic for a child in a car.

Prozacbear · 17/07/2013 11:48

God, that article was gut-wrenching. I can't imagine how horrific it must be for those parents ...

I don't drive, and luckily DS is a chatterbox, but in the morning I am so on autopilot that I don't actually remember much about getting him up, taking him to nursery etc. I was trying to remember what he was wearing this morning and it took me a good ten minutes - I can imagine leaving him on the bus if he stayed quiet for more than 5 minutes!

5madthings · 17/07/2013 11:11

Whilst I think a warning is appropriate, as it is upsetting, I do think this needs awareness raised, esp given the current weather in the UK.

Anything thya raises awareness to help prevent tradgedies has to help.

MidniteScribbler · 17/07/2013 10:52

aliasjoey - my son's daycare calls if you haven't arrived by 9am.

RowanMumsnet · 17/07/2013 10:47

Hello again

We've also edited the title to include a warning there as well.

Thanks
MNHQ

aliasjoey · 17/07/2013 10:47

If most parents believe it couldn't happen to them (which is understandable) perhaps it would help to have nurseries and childminders have a system in place to track children who haven't turned up, same as schools do.

If it was their policy to check all non-arrivals, it wouldn't appear to be singling out any particular parent or implying that they were careless or forgetful.

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